This week on the Fashion Show, there is a very important decision to be made. Should you reward the untalented one, the flake, or the untalented flake?
You decide who's who.
You might have been asking yourself just how Reco gets that tiny thin line right above his lip. No? You don't care? Well it takes some serious ARTISTRY, people.
If I don't look like like I binged on hair pie all weekend, I haven't done my job.
Reco isn't only a master of cheese ghetto pimp facial hair from the early 70's, he's also a master of, that's right, the English language. "Lass week, Lidia shoulda went home. Her craftsmanship was the absolute foo!" Dearest Bravo, please get rid of Not Beyonce and get some Reco on Film judging action. Love, Flipit.
Dem shoes was huh whaaaa, bitch! You hangin on here by a threads!
After rolling his head and saying "hated it!" a lot and doing round the world snaps, he finally gets to the real meat of his bitterness. Underoo was the only decent meat around, and now he's gone. I agree. Let's all take a moment to remember Underoo.
Time for the mini-challenge. Laura Brown zips in the work room like she's very very busy and doesn't really have time for this bs. Every shot of her is a wide crazy/evil ice eyed, hair blowing with movement action shot.
VERY busy, k?
I think Isaac is getting tired of this show. Or just tired. His eye bags are no longer concealable. Poor eye sacks.
EyeSack scrunches his face and looks all thoughtful and stutters his line out. OMG you guys he's totally coming up with this tripe off the cuff. What a talent. He tells the designers that being great sometimes means being like a secret agent. WTF?
Octomangina
If being a designer is like being a secret agent, then could someone please go deep undercover and find out what the hell EyeSack is doing wearing a Milli Vanilli jacket from the eighties with a random flap hanging off it? And also what happened to that disappearing plane. Thanks.
He shows off a fug ass dress that he rolled out of bed and pinned together for his fall collection, and no one reacts so he says "I love it!" Still, no one reacts. Perk up people, or Not Beyonce's gonna have to not sing not one of her singles. I at least expected the Yarn lady to say something.
He stole my pleating detail!
The dress is a drug addict's dream, so of course that little weirdo James Pole from Londony London thinks it's amazing. He loves pleating, you see. Angles. He has studied an ancient form of pleating. Wow. Cave men invented the wheel, and they also paved the road for Dockers.
So not thinning. Thanks a lot cavemen! Jerks.
James Pole is less excited when he finds out that instead of showing off his ancient pleating detail, he will just have to sketch a dress from memory. I am disappointed too. I was really psyched to see the original Dockers.
All the designers study EyeSack's dress. The cummerbund belted vertically, the extra fabric pinned to the shoulder, the Stevie Nicks crazy ass just did a roadie and ate a pizza hem...BUT WAIT! Not Beyonce takes the dress form away and EyeSack shocks us all. It's not his piece of fug they'll be sketching! That was just a quick product placement bit to remind us that he is a professional and not just some crazy queen off the street trying to make Tim Gunn face. They will have to sketch Not Beyonce's dress! And she left! And no one pays any attention to her cuz she's dull as dishwater! If I was there I would sketch Beyonce in one of her giant hipped mermaid ensembles and call it a day.
I had to rewind to see what Not B was wearing, which is sad. For my brain cells, and for dull ass Not B. I could tell you what EyeSack's wearing. I could tell you what Haaarpers Bazaaaar is wearing. Can't explain the meaning of it, but I could sketch it.
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Comments (15)
Maybe it's just me, but whenever I see Mexi-Jay, I can't help but feel that somewhere in America a boxcar is short one hobo, and gosh darn it that just makes me sad.
Also Flipit, the reason James Pole didn't go home this week is because judging by the pictures, he and the guest judge are actually the same person. Loved this one Flipit, can't wait for next week.
1 of 15 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on June 8, 2009 8:35 AM
Daniella's such a CU Next Time.
2 of 15 | Posted by stillborn | Posted on June 8, 2009 9:08 AM
Flipit, you out did yourself this week. I was laughing hysterically through the whole piece. I know it's easy for you because there is so much great material to work with! Where did they get these losers?
3 of 15 | Posted by krumblebum | Posted on June 8, 2009 9:19 AM
I actually had to stop halfway thru and go to the bathroom so I wouldn't pee my pants! I love your snarky divaness Flip!
Man, I wanted to ram a James Pole up JP's ass a couple of times this epi. He's just a pretentious prick. Hope he gets the boot soon.
Angel is *always* the last one getting her model ready. She's always pinning or zipping or stitching....
4 of 15 | Posted by 2muchbravo | Posted on June 8, 2009 10:15 AM
Have to say that I thought it was hilarious when EyeSack and NotB were talking to Merlin, and EyeSack could not understand what Merlin said. EyeSack immediately turned to NotB like she was a UN interpeter - "what did he say?". Loved it.
Yes, many of these tools need to get over themselves, talking about how they are great designers but not not design for real people. Just who the hell do you think buys clothes? Reco can be annoying, but keeps me laughing, and Merlin reminds me of a garden gnome somehow, must be his outfits.
I think the only reason I am sticking with this show is your snarktastical recaps, Flipit. THANKS for the laughs - you always capture the best.
5 of 15 | Posted by njgasmifan | Posted on June 8, 2009 11:24 AM
so nice to start the week with a zingy cap of cold snark! Thanks Flippy!
And, OMG, James Pole lost me completely with this . . . do they think models actually buy their clothes . . . how F'in stupid can they be . . . and it's not like when they had to do the drag queens, or the moms, these are the shapes of the bodies of the people they should be marketing too. This whole crap of dressing paper dolls in redonk edginess that no normal person could ever wear . . . I guess I just don't see the point. Of the whole industry, I mean . . . it's not like Victoria Beckam can wear it all herself . . .
And Kenley . . . hm, Girl, did you happen to stand beside her and see that you are built exactly the same average way . . . and guess what, you have to dress yourself every day. She did nice work in the end, but the styling, idunno, didn't "transform" the way I think it should have, and that skirt smacked of Lucy . . .as in I love Lucy . . . ew, trendy, current . . . I mean oooo. . .
Hate to give it to Reco, but head snap yeah, that triming was the bomb, and unique--the ruffles, eh, but well done, and good attitude about the models . . . I bet he made a lot of clothes for his "sister" ; ) ; )
James Pole, horrid, Merlin should have gone on that one, PigPen should have been read the riot act, it's like she held up a cardboard cut out of who she wanted to be. He's not an awful person, but yes, the mumu pompom man . . . so hard on the eyes . . .
Angel is growing on me, don't hate Wednesday but there are no faves here.
6 of 15 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on June 8, 2009 11:49 AM
Now I know that James Pole worked for Vivienne Westwood and she can do some crazy stuff... but there is no way she would have approved the fugly he has shown on this show so far. I mean how many uneven hems, baggy tops and randomly hanging off shapes can you do? Nothing has been finished either. He needs to go home. He also needs some Proactiv, but I would settle for him just going home.
Thanks for the funnies, Flip!
7 of 15 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on June 8, 2009 1:40 PM
This show has got to be the worst thing I have seen in ages. As a matter of fact, I stopped watching but do still read the recaps to see just what the rejects have come up with this week.
I didn't see a pic of Hugh Jackman anywhere, though. It should be TVGasm's policy that all recaps should come with at least one half naked pic of Hugh. Anyone with me on that?
8 of 15 | Posted by razzbeth | Posted on June 8, 2009 4:21 PM
Gawd you're funny flipster. You make an unwatchable show *almost* watchable. You are to blame for me wasting 32 minutes per week on this tripe (thank you Tivo!)
I am dumbfounded that Anna's not-so-hot mess of a dress was not on the bottom. Dumbfounded. How on EARTH is that piece of shite "designer" (lol) floating by? She's horrific! And what about "Jesus'" (James Pole's) mess? Why does he get a pass? How much does sheer attitude play with these idiot judges?
Disappointed Midwestern Mom's outfit wasn't great, but it was far from the worst. And NONE of them deserved the win -- they should have just called it a total loss.
Oh, and Bravo, how about some lights for gawd's sake? It's a fashion show and we can barely eke out the clothes against the background. Yikes.
Damn you Flipit for making me watch this!
9 of 15 | Posted by zbird | Posted on June 8, 2009 6:56 PM
Chinese Chicken Salad Pizza Face?!?! Hysterical.
Best word-manglings of the week:
James Pole, bitching about his model, calls her the "E-PITH-omay" of bad American bodies.
Not B keeps referring to the garments as "Jresses".
Keep up those LOL blasts of venom...
xoxoxox
LLB
10 of 15 | Posted by leia labiblia | Posted on June 9, 2009 3:10 AM
Huh. I always thought Dockers were invented to hide my perpetual hardon back when I was in my 20s.
Ah Flipit, reading your recaps of this show is like listening to Yehudi Menuhin play a Stradivarius. If a Stradivarius was a stinkin' pile of crap reality show.
For the rest of you, you do realize that if they eliminated ALL of the crappy designers from the show, they'd all have been kicked off before the show even aired, right?
So all things in good time, I say. Me? I'm loving how the bigger the pizza-face Jesus's head gets, the more incredibly his designs suck.
But yeah, it boggles the mind how truly awful all of these people are.
11 of 15 | Posted by itchy | Posted on June 9, 2009 3:14 AM
I forgot to say that those pics and captions of Reco and "waayd a meenot" Merlin (the only real reasons to watch the show) were just WRONG, WRONG WRONG.
"International symbol for asshole"
You WRONG for 'dat! LMFAO!
I'm going to miss Disappointed Midwestern Mom, just because I love to read your rantings for her.
12 of 15 | Posted by stillborn | Posted on June 9, 2009 8:00 AM
MexiJay's dress reminds me of those horrid swimsuits that are sold in the coupon section of the Sunday paper. There's a panel of zebra printed fabric down the middle and black on the sides. It's slimming! It will make your fat ass look like the size 2 model in the picture! Nobody will notice your bulges if they're encased in tight black spandex. And zebra print? Hawt!
13 of 15 | Posted by shelleyh | Posted on June 9, 2009 12:58 PM
Itchy: And what do you use to hide them now? Oh right... laptop. :p
14 of 15 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on June 10, 2009 2:59 AM
If it weren't possible to be more rotten Cruel, Uncouth, Nasty and Tacky, Daniella managed to do it last night.
God, I can't that fucking bitch.
15 of 15 | Posted by stillborn | Posted on June 12, 2009 5:20 AM