This week on Fashion Show, Eyesack gives someone a poison apple and they fall asleep FOREVAH!!!
We open with a hilarious shot of Reco coming out of the bathroom. Kenley is standing there waiting for him to finish so she can throw up the Chex Mix she's eating and figure out what bow she wants to wear today. As he passes her, she mumbles good morning while staring at a wall. His answer is all lisps and mumbles. I don't know what the hell he said, but it sure as hell wasn't good morning. I need a translator to watch this show.
Rosetta Boner Language Tapes
Reco tells us that he doethn't trusth Kenley. That's a shame, cuz I'm sure she was planning on leaving you all of her riches and custody of her future daughter, like Barbara Hershey in Beaches. Tax Haven is confident today, cuz now she's had a couple of wins. She takes some alone time to do her her Artist's Way morning pages and focus her mushy mind.
shoulder pads shoulder pads shoulder pads shoulder pads shoulder pads jelly beans shoulder pads
In the living room, Merlin sits singing that sad song about wanting parents from Annie. He's still wearing his cat suit, boots, and dodo hawk from yesterday. Cheer up, kid! Someone will claim you!
Maybe far awaaaays!
Or maybe real near byyyyys!
Cheese makeen coffee or someting and hees makeen tiiiiie!
The designers get to the workroom and are met by Not Beyonce in a dress that looks like it was biologically attacked and Eyesack, who's in grey again. I want to get to the bottom of his grey obsession, but that would require actually caring. Which I don't. GREYYYYY. Laura Brown comes rushing in like she's just stopping here for a sec before she runs off and performs heart surgery. Thanks for making time in your day, Lo!
Thank God you're here! Stat!
Eyesack tells the designers that history is very, very important in fashion. Why, the Alamo is still inspiring Merlin's clothes to this very day. Why does Eyesack's hair look like it's on the cover of Jet Magazine?
Okaaay?
Eyesack verbally slaps the contestants as he emphatically names off some historical designers. Halston. Chanel. Christian Diooor, Madame Grés. Emilio Pucci. Gianni VersAce, and Yves Saint Laureeeent. Hey! You left out Hanes! Most of the designers look confused. Especially Haven. James Pole is all smiles though, like someone just announced there would be free dentistry today.
Hand me that hammer. You won't feel a thing.
They will be playing a quiz show about the historical designers, and Eyesack will stop ripping off Tim Gunn for five minutes and try to channel Howie Mandell. I hope this means he's gonna shave his head, cuz it looks like he's coming down with mange. Reco skerd. He didn't go to no school! He just "does me". You don't need history when you dress strippers and whores. You just need penicillin and basic self defense classes.
He seems willing enough to earn it. That's our little hard worker!
Ana the Yarn Lady is a teacher, and she prides herself on knowing fashion history. Not following it, mind you, but knowing it. Unless a What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? dress is historical. Wait, in a way that dress was historical, so never mind. Yarn gets the first question about who invented "the little black dress" correct. No, it's not Betty Boop, but that's totally what I thought too you guys. It was Chanel, who said "dress a lady like a chambermaid and a chambermaid like a lady." That explains why rich people go to such great lengths to look like trash and poor people keep the knockoff Chanel purse in business. Thanks, Chanel!
Eyesack calls on Merlin, but he says his name all pouty and sad like. At first he sounds kinda rude and condescending, but maybe he's truly being sensitive today. Merlin is morbidly depressed. At least that's what I'm guessing. I mean come on. He's dressed like...a dude.
Someone needs a tiny little hug. And a spot in the chorus line.
While we're staring at contestants, Mexican Jay is in preppy clothes. And is that Dove Cucumber soap I smell? Why, you devil! James Pole is about to whip out a flag and do some leaps like he's in gay Newsies. Is that an oxymoron? And has Kenley gained ten pounds? Maybe Yarn got her preggers. Ok back to the show.
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Comments (18)
You have a typo in there, Flip, dahlink. Chanel is the one who came up with the little black dress. :)
(now back to reading!)
1 of 18 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on June 29, 2009 1:49 AM
Ok, finished reading! Very funny recap. Thank you, Flip!
MexiJay was all prep on the top, but did you see the disaster on his bottom half? MC Hammer pants! In what universe do those pants look good? There isn't a body type invented that gets flattered by them. Scary.
Reco's dress was flat out fugly. Not even a saloon ho from 1872 would wear that shite. A saloon ho from the renn faire wouldn't wear that shite either! And he is such an arsehole. He is glad she admitted to giving some people bad designers?! Has he not figured out that this is a competition? Is he borderline retarded, for crying out loud? I mean, I know he is stuck in ninth grade with his maturity issues, but is he mentally challenged as well?
Kenley's look was super hot. I would wear it in a second. I thought Merlin's dress was really pretty especially the pleated bit at the top. And I think that was a big step forward for him. He tends to go so over the top with details so doing something like Mme Gres taught him restraint. I loved Yarnie's dress (without the fug jacket natch). The best thing about it was that the squircangles were white on one side and black on the other so when the model walked, it had a really cool effect.
2 of 18 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on June 29, 2009 2:13 AM
thanx snootch! xo
3 of 18 | Posted by flipit | Posted on June 29, 2009 2:35 AM
Kenley's outfit was shit on a stick. Badly sewn "Dior" top with wickety-wack pants = judge's creaming their pants!
Wot thee FOCK???
Merlin's was actually the best, but since Kenley is a judge's pet she has to get her weekly asskissing or suffer the diaper rash.
Horrible, just horrible.
4 of 18 | Posted by stillborn | Posted on June 29, 2009 8:36 AM
I had high hopes for Merlin at the beginning of the season. Who knew he'd turn out to be such a limp noodle?
5 of 18 | Posted by itchy | Posted on June 29, 2009 9:26 AM
"'What's worse? To not know what you're doing and do it well, or know what you're doing well and do it badly?' That's the theme of the season."
Amen. Good call, Flipit. Wow. You'd think that they would be able to copy correctly, but no, these guys are so trapped in their delusion of being actual designers, they have to go butcher the classics.
Mexijay- Ugh. The bodice was lopsided and he stole that look almost verboten from Giani Versace's Fall '92 bondage collection. He added nothing to the look, just copied a master ... and badly. That bodice is fug. (He claimed the skirt was his contribution, but Versace's collect had leather pleated skirts in it; the difference is he used a pleather lining. It's like a bad Top Shop knock-off.)
Kenley - The jacket had the right silhouette for the New Look, but the Lindsay Lohan shiny pants not-so-much. I guess this lost because they couldn't figure out a way to make the jacket marketable. (They did manage to turn Mexijay's cheap Top Shop knock-off into a cheaper Forever 21 knock-off. Well done, show!)
Haven - If she didn't stop calling Yves St Laurent "YSL" I was going to sock her. Seriously, the designer, not the house, wench. And if you actually knew "YSL" so well, why the hell did you do an homage to him in brown wool? That was hideous!
Reco - Well done, fugliest dress ever! Ha. Halston wants to kick your arse sooooo badly right now, Reco. I loved when the model called it "medieval" inspired. Ha. I like Reco, and but was surprised -- especially after B-girl-gate -- that the judges didn't make a bigger to-do about it. I mean, Angel didn't know a hip-hop term, Reco didn't know HALSTON. He should have at least known the crappy cologne with its minimalist design sold in every Walgreens. Personally, I thought he got off light. I heard Haven actually gave up her spot on the show by appealing to the judges about how hard Reco has worked to be there, but that didn't make it into the final edit (but does explain his sobbing all over her Jackie Collins jacket.)
Merlin - Mdme Gres is going to haunt your arse for that turquoise concoction, but at least he got the details almost right. I wonder if he knew that she was known for the sort of bodice he did? He says he had no clue, but that seems like something that would be hard to pull out of your arse. The Mdme Gres dress they showed on the show was that representative of her style. Strange that he would come up with a detail like his bodice and merged it with the tunic form he was given. Maybe her ghost did visit him and it got lost in translation. I suppose we are lucky Merlin didn't know Mdme Gres better or we would have ended up with some whackadoodle take on her Marie Antoinette gowns and the judges making bad "off with his dodo-hawk head" comments!
Anna - Fug jacket, very cute dress, but let's face it, that outfit was about as Chanel as Reco's was Halston (Reco's dress was long, drapy with with a Halston-esque neckline; the gathered sleeves and corset were big no-nos). Anna's? Cute, but honestly, I would have guessed it was an interpretation of a modern Diane von Furstenburg before I thought of Chanel. She got the black and white right (but the pattern?) and the dropped-waist, but a pleated bubble skirt? Chanel only started doing pleated bubble skirts a season ago when they came back into fashion (again). Dior did the bubble skirt, not Chanel. And that cropped plum jacket? Wow, that is not using your fashion history noodle, Anna. Why didn't the judges give her a harder time of it?
JP - My favorite design. The only designer that truly interpreted the vintage designer's vision into a modern interpretation. It was cool how he managed to incorporate the mod shape with the drapey maxi-dresses and get a hybrid. Did the judges dislike his use of black? That was a bit jarring on a Pucci-inspired dress, but I loved the blouse-top. It had gorgeous movement for the two seconds we were treated to it on the runway. That funky diaper thing is very current (unfortunately, as it tends to make models look hippy, and hippy girls look huge).
Great job as usual, Flipit, making this sad sack of a show look a lot funnier and entertaining than it really is. The judges are really bugging me -- at least Peter Som was a breath of fresh air. Not that they listened to him. No respect. :)
6 of 18 | Posted by jennaboa | Posted on June 29, 2009 9:37 AM
The return of the squircangle! I knew you would be all over that....
Also loved your commentary on the audience guests. All I can think is that they must provide free beer in order to get a roomful of people to watch this dreck.
It was hard to believe how little some of these folks knew about famous designers. I sometimes wonder why I still watch - but mostly it's because if I watch it I can enjoy Flipit's great recaps! xox
7 of 18 | Posted by njgasmifan | Posted on June 29, 2009 12:46 PM
Thank you, Flipit, for recapping this trainwreck of a show! There is no way I could watch it otherwise. So many LOL moments! I also noticed Haven's "Big shoes to feel" comment. I wondered if it maybe just came out wrong but I like your explanation a whole lot better. :)
Love!
8 of 18 | Posted by FieryTopaz | Posted on June 29, 2009 2:34 PM
jennaboa--great breakdown, sounds like you know more than these bozo's!!! Please give us one of these everyweek, K . . .
Great recap, Flippy, and the eye sack grabs keep getting better and better. I'm thinking the hair looks like the heat miser discovered "Just for Men" and "Dep" in the same day!!!
That's moving to hear about Haven . . . I didn't know Ms. Evans could be so kind, therefore, I'll not throw any stones, but you nailed it, Flip!!!
I did think it was going to be FAIL for Kenley when she decided on pants . . . she, and the editors, showed me !
I knew Reco would pull through, and glad to see him served some humble pie. I didn't hate the corset and it looked like a lot of work, but why wouldn't you keep it simple and hope for the best, when the model nailed it with Mid-evil, why wasn't he at least mildly given a clue . . .
Thought it was funny when eye sacks asked Not B in the hall what she thought of the interpretations, and she said, we'll see what happens at the fashion show . . . BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!
Many kisses on your whole face, Flip!!!
9 of 18 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on June 29, 2009 2:42 PM
Flip, you had me laughing again. These designers are pathetic. During the quick challenge, I got almost every question right and I've never studied fashion.
I would be remiss not to mention the following lines that had me laughing so hard
"frankly, Haaaaarper's Bizaaaah was much more fascinating before I correlated it with the sixty year old Dakota Fanning. Now that mag disturbs me."
"Not B tries to help by saying Halston made women feel beautiful. Thanks for that historical detail, Lisa Ling."
"Yarn's model looks like a flapper by night/substitute teacher by day. And her skirt is all squircangles! I never thought I would see that shape again!"
Thanks for the shout-out to the almighty Squircangle!
10 of 18 | Posted by krumblebum | Posted on June 29, 2009 3:02 PM
Laughed Out Loud (internally) at the "theme of the season" comment.
You're right, though. If Reco was kicked off, I probably wouldn't watch. He's the entertainment of the show. While it didn't seem related to the designer's dress, I liked it! I'd rock it at a renaissance festival.
11 of 18 | Posted by NatPatBen | Posted on June 29, 2009 9:19 PM
jennaboa, "verboten" means "forbidden" in German. I don't think that is what you meant.
I am in agreement with most of the opinions and comments shared above. It seems that MexiJay's construction skills have improved drastically. James-Paul should have won. Merlin's dress was also good.
Hated the shiny pants on Kenley's and the jacket killed Yarn's for me. Didn't hate MexiJay's but it was too much a knock-off. I think they were supposed to add their own touches to it.
12 of 18 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on June 29, 2009 9:33 PM
"Verbatim"--that's it!
13 of 18 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on June 29, 2009 9:35 PM
Pixelated: Doh! You're right. My computer told me I had a misspelling and I clicked without paying attention. I shouldn't type while eating breakfast tacos; the smell of bacon always distracts me. (I say as I take another bite.)
14 of 18 | Posted by jennaboa | Posted on June 30, 2009 5:53 AM
The intriguing bit is that your computer offered 'verboten' as an alternative at all.
15 of 18 | Posted by itchy | Posted on June 30, 2009 9:53 AM
Eyesack and Not B are mean. They so do not compare to sweet little ol' Tim Gunn. They come swanning in and have absolutely no constructive criticism. These (for lack of a better word) designers are always second-guessing themselves anyway, and then these two stare at their designs without ONE WORD. Sigh, raise an eyebrow, curl a lip. "Well, good luck. I guess." What's that all about?
16 of 18 | Posted by Baffled | Posted on June 30, 2009 8:32 PM
Itchy, years ago my brother had the spellcheck on WordPerfect give him "cowpokes" as the top alternative to "coworkers," which apparently was not in its library. I always thought that was a pretty funny one.
He was writing a cover letter. It would have been hilarious if he worked well with his cowpokes.(He was a scientist.)
17 of 18 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on July 1, 2009 12:39 AM
Is Merlin getting manlier? How is he going to win RuPaul's Drag Race doing that? Oh my bad... that's a different show.
18 of 18 | Posted by Snortles | Posted on July 1, 2009 3:21 PM