Laura Brown is out today getting anti-freeze injected into her veins, so the Editor in Chief of Haaapaa's Bazaaaa, Glenda Bailey and Michelle Obama's innagural dress designer, Isabel Toledo, who looks remarkably like the other contestant in a catsuit, Wednesday Addams, are called in to sub. There were five commas in that sentence. (bows.)
Transylvania is pumping out some serious fashion contendas this year.
Reco's all
Corn? When did I eat corn?
Then Glenda opens real wide and threatens to kill everybody with her evil monster in the dark teeth.
My necks are staaarving!
Isabel Addams, or Thursday, as her siblings call her, tells the designers just let the fabric speak for itself. Fabric is beautiful as it is, and doesn't need too much futzing with. She's trying to get the message across that I've been shouting from the rooftops since this show began: "You! All of you! Stay away from fabric! Just stay away!"
They have twenty minutes! GO! MexiJay starts off by whining that he doesn't drape. Add that to the list of things MexiJay doesn't do. It's a new lacked skill every week. And don't write down bathe, cuz you know that's already on the list. John Pole tells us that he always draped stuff with...wait for it...the actual drapes in his house! Fascinating. Maria Von Trapp did it first, hacklet. Now pull down some curtains and put them over your head for awhile before I change the channel.
I wish I was there to drape that face.
He's not done. He tells us that sateen is like a very gentle woman and you have to treat her right. The thought of James Pole boning a girl has me dumbfounded. Time is short and the challenge is rough, so there's not much talking for this one. Time is called and Reco shows first. He's managed to make his trademark pointy boob covers with pins! WOWEE! This guy can turn any outfit into stripper gear, and that's talent. Not the kind that will win him much respect or even a decent living, but he'll definitely fill a need. Strippers without clothes to take off are just naked girls without rhythm ruining Poison songs, and that's not a business.
No, he's peeing on them.
Glenda disses Reco with a Joan Collins remark and moves on to Yarn, who's work she loves. Yarn looks like she prepared for the hunchback model to wear her dress.
MexiJay made a t-shirt with a Santino rope around it. His dress form makes Reco's look like the Queen of England. Glenda calls it Banonna Drama. Hey he didn't pick yellow, it was there! Glenda looks really mean and witchy, like the lady who puts razor blades in candy apples at Halloween. I have a feeling her scarf is covering a tiny demon head protruding from her neck. But even witches are right sometimes. MexiJay blows.
I can't wait til she tries to judge Hansel and Gretel. They'll show her ass.
Reco nods and smiles as they trash MexiJay's work. LOL. Thursday Addams is impressed with how Kenley heard her fabric. Kenley totally agrees that she's awesome. Her dress form looks ridiculous to me, but it might be the HATE EVERYTHING KENLEY filter I installed back in May.
The fabric begged to be turned into a society lady with one droopy boob, and Kenley listened. Congrats!
James made what Thursday Addams sweetly calls "a sack". I think he used two pins. This guy is so fucking terrible. I miss you Merlin!
If this was made out of brown muslin and came with leggings and a jacket, Fran would put it on for judging.
Kenley wins, and Glenda calls her work "youthful and modern". I guess leaky saline sacks are modern, and there's no reason women with one deflated boob shouldn't have their own designer standing up for them. The elimination is to use Swarovski crystals to make an evening gown. MexiJay look gets that "finally! I get to use my glue gun!" look on his face when he sees the Michael's store laid out on the table.
The winner will receive plastic flowers and a macrame kit to make their own plant holders.
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Comments (19)
It's funny that a show that is a cheap knock-off of Project Runway gets mad at a designer for creating a cheap knock-off. You would think they would praise him.
1 of 19 | Posted by Molly_Gaynuh | Posted on July 13, 2009 9:32 AM
Let me see, Gone With the wind-1939(?) and Sound of Music-1965(?). So it looks to me that Scarlett and Mammie beat out the nun on that whole curtain into clothes thing.Other than that great recap!
2 of 19 | Posted by kittkatt357 | Posted on July 13, 2009 11:30 AM
Flipit, this is some inspired shit here!!!! Too funny, so much I can't remember them all, except perhaps the desperate eyes outside the club!!!!! You are beyond brilliant!!!!! Bowing at your feet and groveling in the pedals that the flower girls have strewn!!!!
This show, lawd in heaven above, my BOOO goes to the back stage consults--I literally scream at them, so harshly I spill precious drink drops (of that cocktail I mightily need getting through this sheeet!) And send my cats scampering away as though they just scratched some wrongness.
When Reco's came out I screamed "HO" -that was some ugly shit. I actually liked the shower rack, and, tho the fabric looked harder than a Humel's porcelin duds, I also thought the JP dress was okay, esp for him . . . that wrapping gold curl at the hem line was cool to me, but what do I know . . . Yarn's was okay, but I ain't big on the florals, liked the bow best.
And as for Pebbles (yay, finally removed from my screen, yay) It's like you said, Flip--does he not know this is being filmed . . .
3 of 19 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 13, 2009 11:33 AM
OK, Flipit, this is the 2nd time this week I've had to read about your boner. You would think spending so much time watching Jessie, MexiJay, Reco, and Merlin would make the poor thing go into permanent hiding, but perhaps not.
Did anyone notice James Paul's major makeover next week? He actually looks... human. And good! It's amazing.
4 of 19 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on July 13, 2009 12:34 PM
LMAO---"Strippers without clothes to take off..."
Best. Line. Ever.
Thanks, Flip! You've made my hungover Monday SO much better.
5 of 19 | Posted by bluzgirl | Posted on July 13, 2009 1:08 PM
So how comes J-Pole never wears any of his revolutionary 3-D designs? You'd think he'd walk the walk.
Which is the just about the only positive thing I can find to say about the Gremlin--he doesn't just design stupid clothes (and stupid hairstyles), he wears them too.
Well, I'm happy enough that Baby Huey got kicked off this week.
6 of 19 | Posted by itchy | Posted on July 13, 2009 1:38 PM
Flipit: Despite your love of Jessie, you are amazing. Maybe it is fortunate these guys suck so hard because the worse they get, the harder I get to laugh come recap time.
Reco: I'm trying to like you, dude. Really, I am. After this last dress, I'm thinking that you have a future designing for Bai Ling and all her many spirit guides. Or possibly Lil Kim is you get better with your bedazzler. The corsets wouldn’t even need to cover her chest! Bonus! Not-B also seems willing to splash down cash on your creations; I'm not sure that's a compliment though.
James Paul: Speaking of Not-B’s fashion choices, the dress she wore at the beginning of the show was a finished version of JP’s colostomy bag dress, only reimagined as a suit. A slightly more sprightly blue, perhaps, but she still looks like the headmistress of an all-girls school. You know the type who has purses made of the bottoms of the kid's she's skinned? She’s got the Human Skin Kelly Bag in five shades, you just know it.
JP, you are a sad, sad little guy. I want to believe in your "vision," but I'm starting to think that would require a leap of faith in convoluted geometric architecture I just can not take. I sucked at math, mate; you suck at designing. I can only cringe at exactly how horrendous that drapery dress would have been had Merlin not been there to do some of the finishing on it.
Danielle: "Elegant shower caddy." Can't top the master, Flipit. I will say that once again Danielle has shown her inability to design for a normal woman outside a 90s palette. Seriously, chick, try color. Or maybe don't. Your last foray was pairing a psycho-delic shiny print with navy. Fail.
Side note: What was with Dani's hair? Aquanet alone does not make the hair and many a Southern lady and Texas Governor Rick Perry are laughing at you right now for thinking that was high hair. Ha. That wasn’t even proper 80s hair. Poor Haven would not be impressed with that (despite it being much higher than Anna’s flatness). I have to wonder why the editors haven’t focused on this love triangle – love-square if you add Reco's proposal! -- before? It is so much more entertaining than their actual designs!
Yarn: Wow, if looks could kill, Anna would have had Danielle laid out stone cold on the floor after her Haven stealing. Yarn's dress was ... well, everyone seems to like it, but all I saw was the dress I wore to junior prom. Only longer and made out of Aunt Betty's couch. I just can't get on that love train of anything that reminds me of a 90s prom dress. It should probably be burned asap and with that fabric, no problem.
I was so dismayed by the fuggery, it took me a minute to realize what the dress was. It’s an O’Keeffian homage to Haven! After evil Danielle stole her away with her Aquanetted hair, Anna sweetly wrapped her story of lost love and vaginas into the silhouette of a 90s column dress with a poofy 80s bow. It exhibits a terrific use of the couch material. And what better way to showcase $30,000 worth of Swarovski crystals than to hide them under the bow. Very good thinking.
Mexijay. I has hate for Mexijay. I have a real issue with reality show contestants who know they are being filmed 24/7 and conveniently forget it when they are lying through their lying teeth to save their stupid hide after doing something stupid. Don’t these sort of idiots realize that the editors live for this sort of shite? When there is no real drama in a show, you have to create it, and being a lying liar is a great way to become editing gold.
Also, let’s be real. You rip people off for a living. In the fashion world, they frown on this (unless you are an established designer ripping off a smaller designer, of course). Ripping off Lanvin and going in front of Harper’s Bazaar people? Really stupid, Mexijay. They didn’t care when you ripped off dead Giani Versace (you were “inspired” so much you recreated the look down to the lining) and took elements of a Gaultier collection (it was a movie and movies inspire) for your dresses. I doubt they would have cared if you had borrowed a Fetherston design or two. Every one seems to be doing that lately, even Erin Fetherston. But a red carpet dress? By Lanvin? Down to the nearly the same fabric? You are the epitome of stupid. And lazy. So stupid, you have to ask Angel whether or not you should have lined *your* dress with silk.
As for Angel, good for her not saying anything and letting the talentless hack bury himself. The way he acted when he got Angel as his partner? Not a good way to inspire a helpful co-worker.
Glenda the Not-so-good-Witch. Wow. I love her. She is real and is too important to kiss up to these no-talent hacks. She just doesn’t have time to do that when she is murdering munchkins and fashion designer’s good names. Good for her.
7 of 19 | Posted by jennaboa | Posted on July 13, 2009 2:19 PM
Jenna, just love your extravagant posts with all that insider designer knowledge! Except for the squarecangle, I haven't seen anything completely new in design--seriously, how could there be, humans haven't evolved anymore appendages . . .
And if Pebble's was going to knock off a look, she couldn't have changed the fabric, or hem, or even bare shoulder . . .
Really just wanted to add how much I too loved Glenda!!!! I would love her every week, she can be the host and judge and Tim Gunn too! and think of all the scarves we could enjoy as she maintains the mystery of what's behind them!
JP was rude to Angel, he should have picked her no matter . . . and she should have told Her smelly partner to use the silk, IMHO . . . it's points off for her.
8 of 19 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 13, 2009 2:32 PM
I kept imagining what Glenda's neck look like under the scarf. And then I became convinced that the scarf in fact holds her head onto her neck. Or the head was transplanted from some former East German Olympic athlete.
9 of 19 | Posted by itchy | Posted on July 14, 2009 12:14 AM
bwahahahahahahahahahaha. you guys kill me. i am sorry i haven't written back to comments much this season but honestly? what can i add? you have little self contained recaps in your comments that crack me up every single week. jenna have you ever considered recapping? cuz you are on the nose. and sorry about so many boner refs, i think it's because i haven't had any good "real" boner time lately with actual humans so i have to take it out at work. LOL. LOVELOVELOVE can you believe this shit is almost over? and will you people be joining me for project runway?!? xo
10 of 19 | Posted by flipit | Posted on July 14, 2009 5:30 AM
juddfan: Thanks! Not an expert, just obsessed with fashion, I'm afraid. It's something I love and hate to see butchered. Borrowing other peoples' talent is OK when you are a knockoff artist (like Johnny's line of work), but in a competition, you have to put the brakes on and try to develop your own ideas. Which is why this show has been an epic failure.
The squarecangle was a Gaultier rip off at best; at worst, he's been on etsy. Gaultier did it so much better than Pigpen in his 2008 Fall Couture Collection. He's been doing cage designs since The Fifth Element; it's his shtick. Skirts, dress, capes, coats, Gaultier will cage it. Usually in neon. :)
Cage skirts are seldom seen because unless the quality of the fabric is excellent, you end up with a cheap-looking hot mess. Which is why designers like Gaultier normally go for black or solid colored leather constructions over a simple, lined pencil skirt. It's all about construction, construction, construction. Which means wiring to stand out from the dress, or picking a fabric that flows gently over the dress. If MexiJay had lined his dress' skirt, it would have laid better on the model and the cage would have fit a bit better. Not much better, given the fabrics he used. Without lining or wiring it to give it more shape, his cage was always going to rub up against the dress. Then again, MexiJay probably doesn't do linings. Or designing, apparently. Moron.
To note: we may not have evolved more appendages, but MexiJay certainly has evolved colonies of flies on his person. That man needs a delousing before they try to take over the world. (Unless flies can catch ennui.) I just *loved* his idea of dressing to the nines.
11 of 19 | Posted by jennaboa | Posted on July 14, 2009 6:07 AM
If there is a reunion show, I really hope they do a montage of Johnny's "I don't do..." moments. I think he had at least two or three per show! What DOES he do?
12 of 19 | Posted by marishka | Posted on July 14, 2009 8:57 AM
Well, Jenna, your obsession is helping to educate me . . . and I love, love, loved the fashions in fifth element, esp. Bruce in that orange top . . . very sexy!!! I knew he did pointy bra's for madonna, but I did not know he developed the squarecangle . . . see, learn something new every day!!! You must be a projectrungay fan . . . yes!?
Ennui is the perfect word for Mr. "I don't do" . . .
And Flippy, don't I know of what you speak, my humor gets so whacked and wrong when it's been so long . . . and frankly, "sniff" it's been so long . . . so apologies to all!!!! ; )
And of course I will be there for PR--cannot wait . . . and I'll be there for BB, but I just can't watch Jessie anymore, i just can't . . . so I'll catch occasional moments and just keep up with the recaps (the best part of BB anyway--unless there's a hot "bear-ish" guy in the cast . . .which, there never is . . . sigh.
13 of 19 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 14, 2009 11:15 AM
This is the lamest show ever... but my new game is restraining myself to refer to only one of Flipit's hilarious comments each week. Picking a winner is not easy when there are so many good choices...This week's snorting-coffee-through-my-nose-winner? "will test their knowledge on fabric, construction, the human body, psychological disorders, cereal brands, the color grey, Tito Jackson's contributions to culture, and English". Honestly Flip, if not for you I would have given up on this show long ago...
Also agree that Eyesack needs Spanx - geeze, a designer can't get clothes that fit?
Mexi's 'tude really pissed me off. His knickers were in a serious twist this week. It's all Angel's fault that he is a shitty designer without an original thought in his head? Loooooooser.
I don't think I like the scoring system - the top and bottom two are chosen by audience vote, then the judges decide from there. However, the audience does not see the body of work each week, so they did not see that Yarn Lady ripped off design elements from last week (and was not called on it at all!) or that Kenley ripped off an earlier version of her work two weeks ago. The PR judges would never let this shit slide. Also,brutal as Nina and Kors can be,they gave constructive criticism that really help the designer see their own flaws. On this show you get nothing but snideness from Eyesack and bad cue card reading from NotB. What do you guys think about the way this is judged??
Anywhoodle - Flipit, I will certainly be with you for PR!!! Thanks for the giggles every week--- hugs xoxo
14 of 19 | Posted by njgasmifan | Posted on July 14, 2009 12:56 PM
juddfan: Ah, the bullet bra -- there's a JP who knows construction and structure, unlike sad, sad James Poole who overthinks everything. If you really want to see an interesting collection of true beauty, check out LaCroix's latest offering. It was last minute and -- comparitive to his regular shows -- low budget. Still, it's gorgeous. It's probably bad for The Fashion Show that the couture shows pics are being posted right around now; it really exposes these guys as hacks. I realize these designers are supposed to be doing retail, but I haven't seen one thing that hasn't been done and done better by more established designers.
I *adore* Project Runway, can't wait for it to start. I know some people who worked behind the scenes and they hinted at their being some brilliance this year. (After watching this fugly mess, even "mildly perty" would work for me. :))
And BB, I dated a guy who looked like Russell, only he was Russian and didn't speak. I was thinking of calling him, but BB cured me of that right quick. It's quite nearly unwatchable -- or about as watchable as those "10 MOST HORRIFYING VIDEOS EVEH!" shows that you claim not to watch, but somehow end up watching at 3AM with a pint of Cherry Garcia b/c you need to see something more effed up than your love life. This BB exactly like that. :) (I can tolerate TFS b/c it *is* fashion, even if it is bad fashion. Heck, I'll even watch Finoa Shaw mangle people's egos on "How Do I Look?" Obsession is fun!)
15 of 19 | Posted by jennaboa | Posted on July 15, 2009 9:26 AM
Jenna, actually I was referring to the blogsite that has special access to stills from PR and TFS--so you can actually see the designs up close, well lit and at different angles . . . they are a fashion hub with pics of all the designers shows as they are released. Just checked out the LaCroix show you refered to there. And Yes, not all of it is a hit for me, but you can tell when you're dealing with the real thing! ; )
http: // projectrungay .blogspot .com/
Here's the link, minus the spaces . . . I guess they were friends with Laura from PR3 (I think) and she brought them to Bravo's attention. NO where near as snarky and fun as our buds here, but for a fashion fan like yourself, I think you'd enjoy it!!!
Also, I really like when they show celeb's on the red carpet, and then show the actual design on the runway side by side, just goes to show me that most design is not intended for normal people, even ravishing beauties cannot always carry the design the way the stick figure did--which tells me, fashion is copping out by using the sticks and not real healthy fit women! IMHO!
16 of 19 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 15, 2009 10:46 AM
juddfan: Oh, Lord, I lost my mind. I was up all night at the Harry Potter showing (b/c I am a huge geek/kid inside; my outside got hit on by a 16-year-old boy in a Sorting Hat so it must be OK there, too, although, ew). I absolutely go to T-Lo. Love those guys, so funny and usually dead-on in their analysis. I loved the ripping they were giving MexiJay and posted once or twice on his copying habits there after his Versace rip-off made me want to pluck out my eyes with its hideousity. (I still can't believe he stole from the bondage collection; they said "be inspired" not "throw the whole damn collection in one garment and then claim bits of it as your own." MexiJay = total wanker.)
Anyhoo, T-Lo rock. I like the Ins/Outs, too. As a petite woman who only wishes she could wear a column dress (properly; don't think I haven't tried with four-inch heels), it is nice to see others having issues with their wardrobe (I sometimes diverge from their gaynalysis there, though.)
17 of 19 | Posted by jennaboa | Posted on July 15, 2009 2:13 PM
I thought you might have been a fan!!!
Talk to ya next epi! It's almost over, but 6 weeks for PR is punishing!!!! UGHHHH!!!
18 of 19 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 15, 2009 4:33 PM
OMG, your funniest recap for this show yet. Thanks (even though I loved the grey dress.) I just wish Merlin was in the finals instead of James Pole.
19 of 19 | Posted by sdream93 | Posted on July 15, 2009 7:21 PM