This week on Fashion Show, an angel loses its wings but Honduras gains a midget in a catsuit.
Uh oh. His feathers are raised. Get a net before he shits all over us.
There's a knock at the door and Reco gets up from his salt soaked pillow to answer. It's a guy with a hairline that starts in the middle of his head who won't look him in the eye. The average extra was afraid of Reco, and the show hadn't even aired yet. What? You've never seen a guy with a t-shirt cut to below the nipples before?
I loved you on In Living Color, sir. Have you done anything since?
No I'm Not Going Bald I Just Have a Big Forehead gives Reco some shopping bags from Eyesack Mizrahi himself!! I predict those bags will be full of grey clothes. Or apology letters for ruining the budding designers' reputation in the industry with this show. Or lube. Who knows? Open them! Reco announces "special delivvy!" and everyone gathers around Merlin's bed. Reco, having been humbled and shamed last week, makes a turn on his personal path to kindness and self awareness and tells Merlin he has morning breath. That didn't last long. Merl doesn't care. His first instinct upon waking up is to raise the roof.
Can I gate a que que?
There are boxes with womens bed robes and a typed note from Eyesack. I'm sorry, but you know he doesn't know how to type. I don't even think he signed it.
One of you is gonna get fucked so hard by the end of this episode that you're gonna need extra extra KY.
Mexican Jay is all excited cuz the good Lord made it rain frogs last week and handed him a win so a loose, formless, unsewn piece of clothing that requires very little talent as the weekly surprise object tells him it's another good sign. The remaining designers take the robes to the workroom, where Eyesack's waiting for them wearing WHITE and leather!! WOWEE!! It's a new dawn! Lined up like that, the contestants look like they're auditioning for the role of Linus in "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown!"
"I love mankind, it's people I can't stand." - Linus Van Pelt
Reco looks like a Superhero.
Green Ho net
Eyesack makes a big face and exclaims "There are sixxss of you!" in a tone that says "Time goes by so fast!" Nice try, sack. This show feels like it's been on five years too long and needs to be put to sleep. Merlin tells us the bayst dreem of hees life eezs to ween! His original bayst dream was to kill a gremlin and make a cap, but he accomplished that and had to find something else.
Somewhere in Tegucigalpa, the capital of Honduras, Merlin is probably wearing that same hat and his catsuit while rioting in the streets with the rest of the city. Think about that for a second. And....we're back. Speaking of Merlin, I wanted to let you know that his signature dodo hawk is catching on. At least at the San Diego Zoo, which I visited this week. I saw this bird and it brought a tear to my eye.
Merleen mide gayte heezs bayst dreeeeem!
Not that this has anything to do with anything, but I also saw this at the zoo.
You're welcome.
Laura Brown, in a belted pair of PJ's to celebrate the theme, introduces the Director of Fashion Accessories from Sax Fifth Ave.
Get yourself to the Director of Women's Not Flattering Leather Pants and Pregnancy Blouses and get yourself together, woman! You're on TV.
All Reco hears is "buyer", even though that word hasn't been said.
You got any take home samples?
Kenley, in her Boy George Detective Agency getup, isn't impressed.
That poor cow.
Beth, the guest, intros the robes. They aren't just any normal fancy Meemaw robes. These are designed by Fernando Sanchez, k? Fernando looks like Tony Bennett.
After being starved in a dark room for a month and then forced to work as a Country Club bus boy.
Fernando came up with loungewear, with the mantra that people should look just as good chillin' at home as they do going out. I know that's how I live.
How I look at bedtime, and sometimes going out. Thanks Fernando Sachez!
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Comments (13)
AAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!
Oh, sorry, I was frightened by the "fashionista" guy's face.
OK, how could they not get rid of JP? Or Daniela? Or even Johnny? They were all worse than Merlin. He even tried to connect his design to the tarot card theme of traveling. And his coat was very cute.
I heard that the winner is going to be decided by the TV AUDIENCE! Hahahahahaha, so sorry, Daniela!!!!
I think they were copying Project Runway with this. PR once did a Zodiac Challenge.
1 of 13 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on July 5, 2009 10:35 PM
I really enjoy how the judges are so emphatic about JP "being a designer" and "having vision" when he's clearly a complete mess.
Not that the others are any better. Yarn couldn't be more boring if she were dead (well, she looks like she's been hanging out with Michael Jackson the last week or so).
You can literally see the bugs jumping off of Mexijay, it's like watching an episode of Oggy and the Cockroaches.
Very happy that Merlin is off the screen. He was just completely offensive to look at. Although I'm assuming he grew up without electricity, so the only fashions he knew about were the blankets they dressed the donkey in.
Kenley's Hebrew name explains everything -- bet she was an only child too.
Basically, Reco ends up looking talented by default.
Are they going to do a final collection thing with this show, like with PR? It's going to be awesome seeing the suckage of that.
2 of 13 | Posted by itchy | Posted on July 5, 2009 11:07 PM
I love this show! Yes, the designers are total hacks, and that's part of the allure. I love Isaac's faces, that bitchy Dakota Fanning chick, and the contestant's weekly butchering of the English language and fashion in both their own clothing choices, and what they choose to send down the runway. I will miss you and your beautiful outfeets, Merly Sue.
3 of 13 | Posted by messystation | Posted on July 6, 2009 6:32 AM
Ugh. I can't believe JP didn't lose. His "vision" needs an eye exam. Almost everything he has ever made on this joke, I mean show, has looked horrible. He needs to quit looking in his head at his vision and actually look at his designs.
Merlin, the most vicious little elf that ever walked the face of this earth (Pit him against that evil leprechaun and Merlin would WIN!), made a very cute jacket. I'm not sure what Fern's problem was. Maybe it was the kilt. I've never actually seen a maxi-kilt. Ever. And on a side note, I would love to know what name is actually posted on his birth certificate.
Daniela's outfit was awful. The skirt fabric was awful. The peek-a-boo top (fashionable when? Maybe 2 or 3 years ago?) was awful. Daniela is awful.
I thought the winning design was really cute but I don't know who would wear it. I can't think of one woman I know who doesn't hate her hips or thighs.
Reco's outfit was great. The piping was perfect.
Mexijay. Hmm. Why would you pair cream (which to me seems more wintery) with a lime green skirt and floral basket? The top should have been WHITE! The basket idea was cute but either the basket should have been bigger or the skirt slimmer. Whatever.
The bottom 2 should have been James and Daniela. Either one could have gone and I'd be happy. JP seems nice, but his designs are awful. Actually, I want Daniela to stay until the end and THEN lose. Drastically. Like get NO votes. That would be more fun.
4 of 13 | Posted by Baffled | Posted on July 6, 2009 6:37 AM
The final collections are already on Bravotv.com
This show is so lame.
xoxox flippit
5 of 13 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on July 6, 2009 6:39 AM
Whoa! Love Merly's Heatmiser wig at the final collection...and the pumps! That shit is hawt.
And Daniella had no business butching about her real life model. She needs to cover up her stumpy little pig legs, rather than showcasing them ina shiny, gold mini skirt. Why can't these people dress themselves? The collections are also seriously fug.
6 of 13 | Posted by messystation | Posted on July 6, 2009 8:18 AM
Thank you again Flipit for instilling humor into a truly ugly show.
I love that the judges booted one of the people who actually tried to tie their design into the card reading. It was at least an effort by Merlin to use what he was given in a creative way. Not to mention, it was a cute outfit, very well-sewn.
Yes, Merlin made sweats. I get it. Quelle horreur! Sweats at a fashion show! Why not? If Juicy Couture can charge $500 for their cashmere sweatsuits, then why can't Merlin walk bloomer-sweats down the runway? And Dolce and Versace have both walked sweatpants down the runway before they launched their sports' diffusion lines. (They both charge about $800 for a set.) At least Merlin's jackets were cute and it was a complete look.
Meanwhile, Pole designs something that would only appeal to an incontinent Nazi nurse with a Victorian fetish. Fug. I'd wear the Merlin's bloomer sweats over that mess any day.
He can blame his crappy piece on his model's hump back, but what exactly does bad Nazi Victoriana have to do with his tarot card? It's more an homage to Immodium AD than his reading from "one of the most famous psychics." The psychic made him shit his pants with fear? If that is Eyesack’s idea of “having vision,” then JP clearly needs his eyes checked or quite possibly replaced.
MexiJay. I am so over this cretin. He has yet to design anything but bad 90s knock-offs. This time its Jean Paul Gaultier's creations in The Fifth Element. What a poseur. Stealing other artists' designs and turning out half-rate knockoffs doesn't make you a real designer, you putz. It makes you the dirty, fly-infested equivalent to Forever Twenty-One. Then again, he admitted in this episode that he loves knocking off Fetherston's designs (I doubt he does this well, considering how light and airy her collections are). I don't think he has an original thought in his head; he just likes to call himself a designer so he can get laid.
Anna. Clearly designed as more haute couture than practical. I would hate to try and sit on the vaginal cups, but at least she made the tarot connection. The dress is cute enough ... if you are a skinny beanpole with no hips. Or rather, I should say it was cute; you should check out what Bravo turned it into. Hideous. The shopping part of this show is a complete joke.
Besides, do you really think Ronald Drag-Donald would wear Anna’s vaginal dress? That boy hasn’t touched v-jay-jay since he came out of one (crying the whole way).
Makes me glad Reco didn't win. His jacket was great and I loved the piping detail. Glad Bravo didn't get the chance to cheapen it. Way to use that thread you were supposedly hanging from, mate.
Daniela. I refuse to call this chick Kenley b/c that girl actually had an ounce of talent. She could sew, for one, and she often hand-painted details onto her designs. Yes, some of Kenley’s work was inspired by other designers, but that is pretty common in the fashion world. Look at MexiJay who hasn't had an original thought yet. At least Kenley did her McQueen skirt well.
Daniela, on the other hand, needs to stop with the see-through tops a la Express circa 1990. It’s done. They did it first, you did it second. We get you like crappy 90s stuff. Thanks for attempting to do a skirt, go back to pants. The entire outfit was badly sewn and horribly fitted and reminded me of something a geriatric stripper might pick up at Ross Dress-For-Less for her Tuesday Night crowd. Only not even remotely well-done. What gets me is she clearly didn’t give a rat’s clean arse about this challenge and turned out badly done rubbish and Merlin is the one who gets the bollocksing and toss?
I'm glad he went Cat Woman on their arses backstage. They deserved everything he threw at them, especially MexiJay (at which point any attempt to convey his ire disappeared into a cacophony of Spanish, curse words and squawks of rage, but I totally felt his meaning. I think.) I'm betting Merlin's heading back over to the "one of the world's most famous psychics" to get a curse put on MexiJay's talentless arse.
This show is a total joke. And, no, Eyesack, I didn’t notice Not-B not B-ing there until you mentioned it. Maybe you should keep her not around.
7 of 13 | Posted by jennaboa | Posted on July 6, 2009 8:59 AM
LOL, "I doan dreem dees" made me blow a booger into my Starbuck's frappuccino! You owe me five bucks!
If MexiJay is getting laid then I want to see the receipts, cuz there's no way he's not paying for it... I'm a chubby chaser, and I wouldn't touch him with someone ELSE'S dick. Plus, his continual "I don't care/I really DO care" attitude is really annoying and I hope his financial backer gets a load of his slimy oozing about on this show and pulls their support. The world does not need any more ugliness in it. And save the up-do hairstyles for the next pageant you're in Betty La Fea!
I'm kinda hoping for a Yarn Lady win, at least she seems like she can form a sentence and even if she's salacious with her dress form I feel like she's got at least SOME talent.
Awesome job, love to you!
love, J-Mo :)
8 of 13 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 6, 2009 10:04 AM
OMG, Thack is now my Urban Synonym for Yak. blech!
9 of 13 | Posted by qupert | Posted on July 6, 2009 7:32 PM
"His original bayst dream was to kill a gremlin and make a cap, but he accomplished that and had to find something else."
I'm still laughing at that one Flipit. I think someone deserves a que, que.
James Pole is a complete and utter hack, but if Merlin hadn't decided he was going to live and die with sweat pants this episode, he and his 3,500 novelty hats would still be in Los Estados Unidos. Still I'm going to miss that little magic man.
A great recap Flipit, and if it were up to me Reco would be giving you three snaps in a Z formation.
10 of 13 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on July 6, 2009 10:50 PM
Just FYI, the Merlin-bird is a Schalow's Turaco. I mention this because I had to ask my boss, the curato of a large metropolitan zoo and international bird expert, while trying not to explain the context of the photo. Congratulations on making a recap totally relevant to my job! Makes biting through my lip so I don't LOL at work worthwhile.
11 of 13 | Posted by danceronice | Posted on July 7, 2009 12:35 PM
Bless you Flip it, but I expected more wrath!!! This is a travesty beyond compare . . . okay, maybe not all that.
Merlin's coat was adorable, I'm sorry, very well done, clever, modern "young" (as they judged), the only thing wonk was the fitting around the knees, tho on the runway, it gave it a "Jetson's" flair. Also, that piping on the back of the pant seemed a bit low and unflattering. I didn't see the problem and thought he might win . . . silly me . . .
I also thought Reco's was hot-hot-hot, the piping was spot on and the swirly top very clever and something I haven't seen before, and for a commercial piece to sell, they didn't think that was more practical than the vagina dress.
I do think Yarn is good, and a contendah here, but that was pure fashion show and not the slightest bit practical, except to give out beers or hold umbrellas . . . . or collect crumbs . . . and yes jennaboa, hideous version on the website--lost every drop of whimsey it had . . . and what a fug fabric choice . . . ewwww!
HOw James Pole escaped death here is beyond me . . . after that travesty for pj's (thanks flip!) and that horrid, no one would ever wear or buy piece of thrown together trash . . . he made that model look matronly, very hot in fashion, I believe. what makes them think he's going to get a clue . . . ever . . . it's beyond!
Ok, so I did peek at the collections, and they do all suck, so it's hard to say what's worse, but Merlin's was beyond horrid, beyond . . . . so all this for naught!
Also agree Jennaboa on MexiJ's horrid contraption . . . smaller skirt, and that top . . . ugh, was it even sewn?!
Thanks again, Flippy, and alas, PR is almost here . . . .
12 of 13 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 7, 2009 1:11 PM
hey flip,
you know what i've been going through and i just want to say that nothing cheers me up like your recaps!
13 of 13 | Posted by fierytopaz | Posted on July 9, 2009 6:27 PM