TVgasm Recaps - Flavor of Love: Flavor Flav Is The Ultimate Bachelor... For Me To Poop On!

Last night, VH1 premiered the latest installment of its hilarious albeit somewhat staged skankfest, Flavor of Love 2. The episode was a bit on the long side (ninety minutes to be exact), and while we love how this show brings out all of our inner Mo'Niques, we didn't really have the time to do a full recap. That being said, we've taken a few screen shots that will hopefully give you a sense of what this romantic quest is all about...

The girls eagerly await the arrival of Flavor Flav. On your marks, get set, SKANK!

In a completely unscripted scene, Flav tells VH1 execs, "No more gold diggers!" That's right! Less ambition, more genital herpes!

Gap teeth=HOT!

The girls all enter the house for the first time. It's what I like to call The Parade of the Clap.

"Yay! We're white and in the same proximity!"

Uh oh! Some woman stole the bed! And she's black!

Time for a fight! A completely unplanned, unexpected fight featuring totally natural dialogue!

Anyone else feel like they're watching a long lost Ingmar Bergman film?

The blonde girl, an astrology buff, tries to diffuse the situation by quietly saying, "Hey guys, it's totally not worth it." Shut up, bitch. It's TOTALLY worth it!

"Get off my weave, bitch! Get off my weave!"

"KISS MY ASS!!! KISS MY GODDAMN ASS!!!"

Luckily, Flav regulates. There shall be no skank-on-skank violence!

**Later, a little boy with long hair gets wasted. It's like the Mickey Mouse Club Disney never wanted you to see.**

Don't know who this woman is yet, but she talks like she's black and looks goofy. I want to hate her, and yet, I love her deeply.

Upstairs, the fighting bitches try to plead their cases. This woman actually defends herself by saying she offered up some lip chap as a peace offering. Unfortunately, "lip chap" is her way of saying "bitch slapping."

Flav's not down with the violence. We have our first skankjection.

The naming ceremony begins. As you can see, it's a classy affair.

If Shirley and Rerun had a love child...

It's love, man. Goofy, goofy love.

This woman is named "Buckwild." For whatever reason, I feel like she's a ghetto version of Kristie Alley.

Turns out Eyez (left) is a spy for Flavor Flav. She gets her info by standing around awkwardly and nodding her head.

Charming.

At the cocktail party that night, Like Dat tries to gain Flav's attention with her plunging decolletage. Amazingly, her chest is only half the size of Rerun's.

R.I.P. Rerun

"I put my makeup on like a crazy person!"

Controversy brews when Spunkeey accuses Somethin' of being a lesbian. Yeah, but who's wearing the jeans and flannel, Ms. Thang?

"I am not a lesbian, and I have the deodorant ring to prove it!"

Star Jones: the College Years.

Eyez delivers a shocking report to Flav about the women: they're all skanks!

Finally, three hours later, the eliminations begin.

Hey, who invited the drag queen?

Spunkeey gets the last clock, which means Bama, Hood, Chocolate, H-Town and a few other generic girls get the boot.

Hey, why is Somethin' looking so shifty back there?

And where's Somethin' headin' off to now?

And what's that smell?

Oh, of course! Somethin' shat on the floor! Duh!

Smells like romance!

What did you think about this episode?

| Discuss In Our Forums

Posted by B-Side on August 7, 2006 3:05 PM

Comments

Gapped toothed women are hot! America's Next Top Model taughtt me to love my gap.

PLEASE recap this show. I will offer my first born to the gods of tvgasm if you recap this show. I feel ashamed and like a trader to the race for loving this show, but sweet jesus help me I am addicted.

I am hoping for a Buckwild win. Although is it really winning when the prize is Flava Flav?

Posted by: gasmgrrl | August 7, 2006 3:31 PM(#1 of 38)

Nothing warms my heart like a good bitch-slappin, weave-rippin catfight. Rrreeeowwrrr!

Who would seriously fight for Flav? Homeboy must be packin' to send these ladies into such a tizzy. Or maybe they're just fame whores who want their 15 minutes...nah.

Posted by: MissKatrina | August 7, 2006 3:56 PM(#2 of 38)

Flav's final line of the episode:
"You can't find that {shit}on no other show..."

He's right. So far no one has taken a dump in G-Ram's kitchen, on Heidi's runway, in the BB back yard (of course I haven't checked the feeds to see what JameShit has done today), etc. etc.

Posted by: HoneyBunny | August 7, 2006 5:02 PM(#3 of 38)

after hearing all about pumkin and new york last year, i knew i couldn't miss this season.

wow. i've never been so horrified, yet captivated by a tv show before! this show is like a skank convention, i love it.

Posted by: tenny | August 7, 2006 5:16 PM(#4 of 38)

I am ashamed to admit I caught this on TV very late last night (simply because there wasn't anything else on). I have never been so horrified. Seriously- This show is like Jerry Springer meets Love Connection or something. Not only are the women actually beating each other up, but someone actually SHITS ON THE FLOOR?? And I love her reason... "Well, I told you I had to go to the bathroom and you wouldn't let me go, so it just came out". Seriously, WTF??
And for the record, Buckwild and Flava-Flav are a perfect match.

Posted by: derder | August 7, 2006 5:36 PM(#5 of 38)

I beg you to recap thiss awesome/horrible show! I love the insert of Paula, classic gasm moment. Hot Damn, I love buckwild, shes warmed my heart with her beautiful presence. And the drag queen looks like the he-she from Crying game. Anyway thanks for the psuedo-recap and please recap this show.

Posted by: sloppyseconds | August 7, 2006 6:03 PM(#6 of 38)

as an important FYI, the doody barrier has been broken on Reality TV before. In fact, TVgasm "recRapped" it.

Posted by: sg-dub | August 7, 2006 6:39 PM(#7 of 38)

I was sort of hoping Flav would rub Somethin's nose in it... Bad Whore! Bad Whore!

Posted by: JDub | August 7, 2006 6:39 PM(#8 of 38)

gap toothed skanks + a 3-foot troll with a washed up act = priceless television

these ho's are insane. and i'm loving every minute of it. granted, i lose hundreds, maybe thousands of brain cells every time i watch this shit (apparently literally)...but i always keep coming back for more like a bug to a bug zapper.

Posted by: anonym. | August 7, 2006 8:23 PM(#9 of 38)

Buckwild=Brenda Chenowith gone very wrong. Yet, much like Brenda, I love her so. Will Flav know how to quit her? Tune in to find out.

Posted by: 7costanza | August 7, 2006 8:39 PM(#10 of 38)

I don't watch this show. Are you seriously, no foolin' telling me that a woman took a human feces-type dump on the floor, in a room full of people, with cameras and lights and crew members standing around watching?

Posted by: Memememe | August 7, 2006 9:54 PM(#11 of 38)

When Somethin' was ranting and raving downstairs, she almost sounded like the Exorcist at one point. Yikes!

Posted by: goodAg | August 7, 2006 10:05 PM(#12 of 38)

Good grief! Are you serious about one of those nasty "women" taking a dump in the foyer?

Posted by: Ubiquitous | August 8, 2006 5:00 AM(#13 of 38)

I think that all the episodes of this show should be recapped just like this one!! Totally hysterical!

Posted by: jashba | August 8, 2006 6:19 AM(#14 of 38)

Oh I knew TVgasm wouldn't let me down! I was afraid ya'll were not going to recap this show!

-Yes, Somethin' shit on the stairs because production would not let her leave the shot to use the restroom.

--Buckwild--cannot stand her, and yet when she opens her mouth I am hypnotized by her idiocy.

--Why would he get rid of his spy so soon? Looks to be a promising season!

--Once again thank you TVGasm for making all my dreams come true.

Posted by: hardly@work | August 8, 2006 6:46 AM(#15 of 38)

I can't believe she shit on the floor.

WHAT? Someone shit on the coats?

Posted by: The Frugal Intern | August 8, 2006 7:54 AM(#16 of 38)

I'm so depressed I missed this. I had to get an ilness healed. GOD IM SO PISSED. I am livid.

Posted by: Terence | August 8, 2006 8:29 AM(#17 of 38)

OMG....this show is like a train wreck and I can't look away.

Where do they pick these ho's???????? And, why send the spy away so soon?

I've gotta know and you've got to recap this show, B-side! I have found that your recaps are usually better than the actual episode...I know that isn't too hard, especially with this crap fest (pun intended, LOL).

Posted by: lynturn | August 8, 2006 9:05 AM(#18 of 38)

No F___ing way. PLEASE do not recap this mess anymore. It's gross, low-class and way beneath you even to snark at.

Posted by: Tony A. | August 8, 2006 9:20 AM(#19 of 38)

Thank you for recapping this show. Flav and the chick with the gigantic titties conversation was hysterical, and that was the one he really understood.

Posted by: MelanieM | August 8, 2006 9:50 AM(#20 of 38)

Tony A. - i agree with you that this show is literally a piece of shit, but in its attempt to be a serious love show, is utterly hysterical.

Posted by: anonym. | August 8, 2006 10:48 AM(#21 of 38)

I think a compilation of screen shots from each episode is enough for this show instead of a full recap! I hope you find time to do it every week for this season. That pic of Somethin' captioned 'Star Jones : The College Years' made me laugh out loud. :)

Posted by: stacyrocks | August 8, 2006 11:04 AM(#22 of 38)

All I'm saying is that over the years TVG has gained mainstream popularity and respectability for insightful, irreverent commentary. If it is to descend to a place below the level of Joe Rogan and Fear Factor then some of the influence will disappear. Catering to the lowest common denominator and to scatological jokes for uneducated palates that can't appreciate the snark factor will only take away the luster of this blog. And that's all I'm sayin'.

Posted by: Tony A. | August 8, 2006 12:37 PM(#23 of 38)

I want to know how many of these women have appeared on "Cops"-for some reason I can see Buckwild standing outside of a trailer, drunk, with a cigarette in hand, complaining about her neighbor who slept with her husband so that's why she had to bash her car windows in.

Posted by: tvaholic | August 8, 2006 12:43 PM(#24 of 38)

Skank-a-larious, B-Side. I agree with jashba and stacyrocks that you can just do the screenshots as they are always a classic.
Oh sg-dub, I had forgotten that incident but that crap was deliberate and this was accidental so they're not quite the same. And yet both so awful and funny.
Tony A.: do you think TVgasm should be recapping masterpiece theatre? Pull the stick out of your butt and lighten up, dude.

Posted by: zevonia | August 8, 2006 1:09 PM(#25 of 38)

I kind of wished Sapphire had stayed around. She was great entertainment...

" You better stop interrupting my prayer before God redirects me to whoop yo' ass".

I could not stop laughing at that...

And, unfortunately, I missed Somethin' shitting on the floor. Seriously, who does that??

But, this premiere episode was obviously an attempt to top the first season ( with the New York- Pumpkin spit incident)by either the girls or the production or both. But, forced or not, it's still very, very entertaining.

Posted by: hollabackboy | August 8, 2006 1:34 PM(#26 of 38)

I had never actually heard about this show before TVG mentioned it, and then I caught a few minutes of a second airing of the premiere. Am I correct about the premise of the show: Flav becomes a Bachelor and gets a whole bunch of skanks and then each week the numbers get whittled down until he has a girlfriend? That can't be right, can it?

Posted by: AppleBlossom | August 8, 2006 2:02 PM(#27 of 38)

#27 - AppleBlossom,

You are correct and as a token of his love and affection the winner gets her own set of grillz ~

Posted by: HoneyBunny | August 8, 2006 2:53 PM(#28 of 38)

I for one could certainly handle a full recap (although the screen caps were hilarious).

Please ignore the snootier comments and recap this show! Sure its staged, but I have a feeling the skanks are just going to get better and better...

Posted by: gasmgrrl | August 8, 2006 3:00 PM(#29 of 38)

I can't bear to watch this show. Impossibly skanky women uttering ridiculous phrases is bad enough, but when we have to watch Flavor Flav sticking his tongue down those skanky idiots' throats, that's when it crosses the line. No more!

However, I think screencap-recaps and Clipgasms could do this show some justice. That's my suggestion anyway. Great job B-Side.

Posted by: antebellum | August 8, 2006 3:55 PM(#30 of 38)

I cant believe Somethin' did that!!! its funny... lol.. She actually picked it up, walked upstairs and i guess she decided to drop it on the stairs.. shes crazy... Buckwild is a prefect match for Flav she so gangsta!! Tiger's HOTT!!

Posted by: Lazy | August 8, 2006 5:07 PM(#31 of 38)

Zevonia - Hmmm, perhaps I will come out of retirement to recap Masterpiece Theater. That would be cool.

Posted by: sg-dub | August 8, 2006 5:49 PM(#32 of 38)

Great recap...nothing like a good picture book...This show should win an emmy!!!!!!!

Posted by: DeeDee | August 8, 2006 10:22 PM(#33 of 38)

Go for it, sg-dub! I promise I'll read every one!

Posted by: zevonia | August 8, 2006 11:50 PM(#34 of 38)

I don't know when I've laughed so hard as when Sapphire said that bit about not disturbing her prayers. Hearing about it was nothing to the genuine article, straight from the horses mouth.

I was confused by the ending. Are saying this woman was overcome by gastrointestinal distress or she just dropped one. When she leaned out of the bathroom and everyone made a joke, it was surreal. Would you ever appear on camera again? Why did they let her stay? If she'd been extremely drunk and this happened, that would be one really unfortunate instance, but she was sober. How can you trust her to behave after that?

Who is this girl? I bet everyone who went to high school with her saw that and died laughing. And what about her church family?

Posted by: Lady J | August 9, 2006 10:03 AM(#35 of 38)

can you get a compilation video of buckwild and all her personal interviews on the first episode? you can load it up on here or like youtube or sumthin, or send it to me at
hotsol97@yahoo.com
i would appreciate it SOOOOO MUCH!!!

Posted by: imesai | August 11, 2006 8:45 AM(#36 of 38)

Posted by: imesai | August 11, 2006 8:58 AM(#37 of 38)

I, too, wish that I hated Buckwild. Strangely, however, I ... can't ... resist ...

Posted by: Tweezers | August 14, 2006 2:12 PM(#38 of 38)

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Flavor Flav Is The Ultimate Bachelor... For Me To Poop On! -

by B-Side