If you're still recovering from last week's episode, where the most exciting thing that happened was Jeff's butt-fucking-confusing dialogue about pizza toppings with assistant Jenni, you're more delusional than all of Flipping Out's characters ...combined. Like, fer serious, Bravo is basically inventing a new dish of stupid: 1 part Century 21, 2 parts Tony Shalhoub in "Monk". Oh, and a side of man-these-people-really-chap-my-ass! audience anxiety. I'll bring empathy to that potluck once anyone in this series remotely comes off as sincere. Next stop: My slow progression to baldness, courtesy of The Jeff Lewis Extravaganza.
YAYYY Barbie Subprime Playhouse YAYYYY
Jeff is at Ryan's office, and is pretty much floored at how much more "professional" it is than his own: Ryan's got separate desks with individual computers for all of his employers, as opposed to Jeff's office, where everyone has to use one computer at one desk.
Also, Ryan's staff is welcoming, diligent, unannoying, and HOT.
I mean, look at his friggin' assistant:
A.I.L.F....and, for whatever reason, dumbfuck Jeff thinks that such a sanitary working environment is bad, to the point where he asserts THAT SOMETHING'S WRONG. WTF, JEFF.
See, at Jeff's offices, it's sort of like working in a concentration camp -- you've got no hours, you're barely fed, you work under an egomaniacal freak, and, if you don't achieve perfection, well....
"At least we keep it real here," Jeff says, regarding his office.
In stores now, Jeff Lewis' "Keeping It Real"!!! Included are fan favorites such as:
- Yelling at anyone to take out your frustrationsAnyway, back at one of the many projects under HEIL LEWIS, INC. are Chris 1 and Chris 2, doing some more dirty work and bullshit logistics to cater to Jeff's crazy ol' demands.
- Blame without reason
- Subtle racism
- Yelling at anyone to take out your frustrations (reprise)...and much, much more!
Chris 2, the new guy, says he doesn't want to be like Chris 1, because being "just" a house assistant doesn't further his ambitions to become design assistant.
"...because Craigslist is the place to find REAL winners."
Oh, ever wonder why Chris 1 is always wearing those iPod earbuds? Yeah, turns out he's into podcasts, and, in this episode, he's trying to learn how to speak Spanish. This whole time I thought he was rocking Nickelback, or, worse, David Cook.
If David Cook and Daughtry got into a fight, I think their vaginas would truce. But I digress.
"DUDE, YOU GOTTA CHECK OUT THIS GIRL, HER NAME'S FEIST, BRO."
Chris 1 justifies the earbuds to being alone for a great deal of his job; with so much solitude, Chris 1 says he'd go crazy if it weren't for the iPod, the music, and the podcasts. $20 says he's secretly rocking the buttrock.
At the Valley Oak project, Ryan's focused on landscaping. Lions, tigers, and plants, oh my -- $10,000 later the project has more green than Snoop Dogg's glove compartment.
WHO, ME?
Because the project has been taking so long, Ryan reflects on how hard his end of the business is, and, unlike Jeff, is thankful for the staff who work under him -- they do all the bitch work like picking out tile that would suit Ryan's tastes and they also take part in some major kiss-assery. Just remember, his staff is hot, so, really, they're immune from 'Gasm snark.
Back at home, everyone's eating lunch, and Jeff is, like, "OK, CHRIS 1, LIKE, SRSLY, YOU'RE HOUSE MANAGER NOW, AND THE IPOD'S GOTTA COME OFF. YOU'VE GOT BIGGER FISH TO FRY BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH JEFF JEFF JEFF MAD MAD MAD --"
So Chris 1 obliges.
"...motherfu..."So begins Earbudgate.
The weekend passes, and everyone in Jeff's office has got a case of the Mondays.
"Jeff wants to speak to you."
Jeff's all pissy because Chris 1 didn't line up the $20 bills the right side up. Seriously, that's all you need to know. This shit is just getting pathetic.
Then, as if that wasn't enough, there's dog shit everywhere, and Jeff orders Chris 2 to sweep it up in his Gucci get-ups.
Artistic interpretation of Jeff's consistent mood
At the Encino project, Jeff and Co. are doing some demolition to open the spaces; the homeowner is pretty stoked at Jeff's vision and wants to know if he could be present once furniture is moved in.
"Yeah," Jeff says, "especially to figure out which ugly pieces should go."
To which the sweet homeowner asks, "...What ugly pieces?"
"The fuck'choo say?"
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Comments (24)
I'm just wondering......do you even like this show?
1 of 24 | Posted by chooch850 | Posted on July 9, 2008 9:47 AM
Oh come on, it's funny! It's called sarcasm.
But seriously, I love this show!! I can't wait to see him "catch" people doing stuff. Major violations like sweeping in the wrong direction (bad feng shui) or not lining the rugs up to the correct angle of the wall.
2 of 24 | Posted by salvadoralexio | Posted on July 9, 2008 9:36 PM
I agree with chooch850... the "sarcasm" isn't funny... it's just mean
3 of 24 | Posted by tvfan2 | Posted on July 11, 2008 10:38 AM
4 of 24 | Posted by hugostop | Posted on July 11, 2008 12:37 PM
chooch850 & tvfan2:
Are you new here?
5 of 24 | Posted by TheVoiceOfReason | Posted on July 12, 2008 1:38 PM
No I am definitely not NEW here. I've belonged to this site for quite a few years and have read the recaps faithfully too. It just seemed to me that this recap was from someone who either didn't like the show or was trying too hard to be snarky.
6 of 24 | Posted by chooch850 | Posted on July 13, 2008 1:13 PM
i've been visiting this site since the days of b-side.
however, i have to agree with chooch... the writer of this recap does not seem to enjoy this show. why recap it if you don't like it?
7 of 24 | Posted by tvfan2 | Posted on July 13, 2008 2:33 PM
uhh, why do you bother commenting if you obviously dislike the recap? Why bother reading the recap if you know that you don't agree with the views?
personally I luv your recaps . . . very sardonic, truthful & a touch of simon cowell which can never hurt.
This show is insane . . . I don't know why anyone would defend that lovable lunatic Jeff Lewis. Do they even watch the show?!? But yeah, keep the recaps coming.
8 of 24 | Posted by Soft Flesh | Posted on July 14, 2008 10:17 PM
Agree, trying too hard. And cut down on the 'fucking' this and the 'fucking' that. You sound like 14 year old boy on a fill-in-the-blank-14-year-old-boy-shit-talking bulletin board.
9 of 24 | Posted by gbearc | Posted on July 15, 2008 2:18 AM
I agree that this recap is trying too hard and is lame. I, too, have been reading this site for years, and the recaps -for the shows I watch, at least- are funny and witty. This one is not. Wondering whose "vagina" would emerge victorious if Daughtry and David Cook fought is a juvenile and sexist non-sequitir that's desperately trying to compensate for a lack of wit, not to mention insult the intelligence of tvgasm readers, who -as evidenced by other comments- have higher expectations from the writers. Basically, just because the shows are stupid, doesn't mean the recaps have to be; the point of the recap is to validate these shows by revealing what's ridiculous about them and thus giving them an otherwise lacking reason to exist.
10 of 24 | Posted by boris8 | Posted on July 15, 2008 8:35 PM
it is AMAZING that you took the time to write such a lengthy comment when you don't like the recap to begin with.
as evidenced by other comments, the recap is great. his brand of wit is for people who don't take themselves too seriously.
if you watch the show, jeff deserves all the bashing he gets.
11 of 24 | Posted by fluttered | Posted on July 17, 2008 12:08 AM
Dear "fluttered",
I believe that your AMAZEMENT toward the length of my comment distracted you from its point: a) this recap has no wit -and if there is a brand for what you call "wit", I can only hope for a prompt recall. b)My dislike of the recap is not based on my liking Jeff; I love a good bashing as long as it's funny and not deflating with inadequacy. So here's to hopefully AMAZING you again, though I know that thunder seldom strikes twice at the same place.
12 of 24 | Posted by Boris8 | Posted on July 17, 2008 9:56 PM
thunder stuck twice.
i understood your points. my comments were not solely focused on your thoughts. my comments were based on my opinions. i guess you might have been a little distracted yourself.
keep on doing great work hugostop!
13 of 24 | Posted by fluttered | Posted on July 20, 2008 10:02 PM
Dear "fluttered",
Your typo sums it up quite well: "stuck" indeed. Just like hugostop, who sadly and ironically, may have been asked to(hugo)stop writing the Flipping Out recaps --leaving us "stuck" commenting on a now 3-week-old episode. I call this stupid (and will stop), but I have a feeling you'd call it...AMAZING.
14 of 24 | Posted by boris8 | Posted on July 25, 2008 4:04 AM
Guys:
I think the sarcasm is as intriguing as the stuff that goes on in the show. I watch Flipping Out just to see how far Jeff can go in pushing people.... It is amazing. He has the best 'poker' face; I try to get people to do the same stuff, but I cave in after awhile.
I just read that Jeff Lewis makes $25.000 an month to 'consult' on projects like the Encino house and the Western White House.... I need a gig like that.... I totally picked the wrong profession!
15 of 24 | Posted by cmblair76 | Posted on July 30, 2008 7:12 AM
Hey, everyone! Thanks for reading my recap!
Double thanks for all your comments. They were all very fun to read, even the ones from persons who are evidently VERY upset!
To clear up any assumptions from those who salivate at the demise of my writing career, I am definitely NOT kicked off TVGasm -- FlipIt and I love each other too much. We even had beers once. It was magical.
More on the record:
- Not much of what I write is sarcastic; I truly do mean everything I write, and I take nothing back. The Constitution belongs to me, too, you know.
- Writing about Daughtry and David Cook's vaginas fighting wasn't compensating for a lack of wit; it was actually compensating for a void of ANY words.
- C'mon, there's no such thing as "trying too hard" -- that just means I'm actually going the extra mile! Some of you just don't like MY extra mile.
When you can, please forward me your extra miles so that I can evaluate your efforts behind the anonymous mask that you so comfortably call The Internet. I can be found at hgomez129@gmail.com!
Much love and happy Interneting --
Fuckfully yours,
HugoMotherFuckingStop
16 of 24 | Posted by hugostop | Posted on July 30, 2008 5:57 PM
Dear Hugostop,
Nice to see that you decided to finally weigh-in on the debate over your (in)adequacy.
-I admire your refusal to take anything you've written back, but if I were you, I'd at least recondsider the phrase "I'll bring empathy to that potluck": unless you're Robin McGraw or a lazy co-dependent, that's just lame.
-You explain that the Daughtry/Cook "vagina-off" was caused by your lack of ANY words... I see. So it's not that you lack wit, specifically, but that you lack basic stuff, like a vocabulary. Thanks for clearing that up.
-Not sure how one can forward "extra miles" and especially how doing so removes the anonymous Internet mask: wouldn't this forwarding be done mainly through the Internet? And isn't an email address usually just another mask, or were you born "hgomez129@gmail.com"? If so, that would explain the run-ons.
-I don't know about others, but I have not been "salivating" at the demise of your... "writing career" (I'm sure what you meant to write was that we salivate at the thought of the demise of your career -unless you're admitting that the demise is true, and we should just feel bad for our gratuitous salivation).
-Here's the deal, Hugomotherfuckingstop or hgomez129@gmail.com or empathy@thepotluck.com: it's just that your recaps are not that funny -but just in my opinion and I hardly go the extra mile.
Looking forward to your next recap!
17 of 24 | Posted by boris8 | Posted on July 30, 2008 7:48 PM
When the comment section is as exciting as this, who needs the actual recaps? NOT.
To Boris8, why are you even on here when you yourself complain(incessantly) about the calibre of writing? Is it because you have too much time on your hands, or are you painfully aware of your pretentiousness? Since you like to overanalyze everyone's opinion I suggest you take up a couple of hobbies to help ease this addiction. And stop being so high strung ... it's only a reality show recap.
18 of 24 | Posted by Soft Flesh | Posted on July 31, 2008 6:09 PM
"ONLY" a reality show recap? Soft Flesh, this is (apparently) so much more than just that!
I kid the comments!
19 of 24 | Posted by hugostop | Posted on August 2, 2008 11:59 PM
Are we not posting about Flipping Out anymore?!?!? Where are the recaps?!?!? I think Jeff Lewis is a riot, with his need to control everything and his total lack of self-awareness or sense of humor! Come on, post it up!
20 of 24 | Posted by singerjan | Posted on August 5, 2008 11:29 AM
Mate -- how could you NOT recap the NannyCamGatePallooza?!
Come ON!!!
21 of 24 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on August 5, 2008 3:22 PM
okay, I've been patiently waiting ... for a month! C'mon hugostop, if you're not going to post some yummy recaps, can someone else on here start an impromptu blog series recapping the histrionics of Jeff Lewis? Someone? Anyone. ( I'm VERY serious about this!)
22 of 24 | Posted by Soft Flesh | Posted on August 5, 2008 6:53 PM
HugoStop,
Seriously, what is up???
I've been watching all the episodes, getting myself caugh up on the Jeff Lewis craziness, all because I wanted to have a clue what you were talking about in you hilaious recaps - and now the recaps are no more!!!
I became seriously co-dependent on my weekly dose of smirk and sarcasm, and now I'm almost into the withdrawals phase.
HELP!!!
Oh, please, whoever made it stop - please, please bring it back.
23 of 24 | Posted by renata | Posted on August 5, 2008 8:48 PM
uh, i think it's apparent that there are not going to be any more recaps of flipping out. flipping out isn't even on the main selection.yeesh.
24 of 24 | Posted by soft flesh | Posted on August 14, 2008 3:13 PM