Hi! I'm Flipit! I'm a rude but loving gay man who doesn't know when to shut his mouth, which I thought would make me totally incompatible with this show. When Tiny Elvis, your usual FO recapper, had to drop out for a "real job" (whatever that is), I did my best to avoid finishing the season myself. That was a massive FAIL, and I will forever be grateful to the Universe.

Previously on Flipping Out, Jeff, well, he flipped out. A lot. Cuz that's the title of the show. Also cuz, well, he's Jeff Lewis and that's what he does. And he does it very, very well. I have always found him engaging, but I've done a little work on flipped houses and it's a tiring, endless stream of physical work, which I don't approve of, so I never watched regularly. I don't want to feel exerted when I watch TV. It's why I can't watch Biggest Loser or Extreme Home Maker. Well, that and all the fatties and poor people on those shows.

Point is? Never watched. And what a FUCKING IDIOT I have been. To prepare for this week, I watched the season so far. L. O. L. Jeff teaching his would be two year old to tell people her favorite drink is chardonnay? Bemoaning his maid's newly won citizenship because it's made her too confident? The assistant in Ralph Lauren short shorts and a dress shirt? It's been one of the best television weeks in awhile at my place. So that's enough of that. Let's get on with it.

We open with the already happeneds. Jeff told off Ryan because he made Ryan rich and Ryan had the nerve to desert him and then offer to share a cheap ass garage remodel with him as thanks. While Jeff spews a full fledged rant ad nauseum, he signs a talking dog shadow puppet.

Ryan watches Jeff go casually, cuz he's seen through this many times and knows that once he's done chewing the meat off your bones it's back to making fun of the maid and hilariously warning Jenni that she's somehow undatable. He handles the situation like he always does. He just keeps calm, nods his head and looks cute in argyle.

This too, shall pass.

Over at the salon de Chaz worksite, Vlad fucked up in a charming, beat up ghetto Russian thug kinda way and Jeff vowed to get rid of him. Well, after the part with all the lifting and sawing and hammering part is done, of course. This lady keeps supple, moisturized, plucked, waxed, scrubbed, conditioned, blow dried, chap-stick, closed pored, fresh breathed and ironed. Not about to get in the trenches. Pathologically lying contractors? Fine. Lifting and sweating? No. He shines like a new dime on a sunny sidewalk.

Jeff gave Zoila, his maid, shit about not being as organized and attentive as his hot "house assistant". This guy:

Please God. Please. Please let me somehow meet this guy at Sbux and put him under my spell! Of course, my spell is just basically blindfolding him, handcuffing him, and shoving him into the trunk of my car... Are you allowed to pray for the opportunity to kidnap someone? Anyway, thanks for listening to me. Amen.

Today opens with Jeff taking empty cartons and bottles out of the fridge while shooting icicles at Zoila for letting garbage pile up in the same place he ages the goat placenta for his weekly face sanding and lubrication marathon. She's watching him detachedly, shrugging a lot. Fridge drama doesn't work, so he starts raving about her missing one of his shirts when he told her to iron every single shirt in his closet.

No wonder she didn't have time to throw out milk cartons. Good lord.

« Amazing Race: Keep Your Passport Here Next Time | Main | Mad Men: Don, You Ignorant Slut »

Posted in Flipping Out by Flipit at 6:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Last Comment: itz mine on Nov 4, 2009 01:48 PM.