To make her meal in 60 minutes, Rachael took two huge shortcuts. For the turkey, she used whole turkey breasts from the butcher instead of a whole bird, which when you think about it is not that bad of an idea. Most people fight over the breast meat anyway, so why not spend time on giving the people what they demand? The other big shortcut was with dessert, where Rachael bought an apple pie from the store!!! As you know, I hate exclamation marks, so this really pisses me off. A self-loved apple person who buys the pie from the store? I was making Grandma J-Unit's one crust apple pie this morning while watching this special and so it pains me to see people faking it. Then again, I guess since Rachael isn't the greatest baker, she doesn't want to do her beloved apples an unjustice, so I'll let that slide.

What has two thumbs, small breasts and likes hand gestures? THIS GIRL!!!

When I have to hide my herbs, I use the false bottom of a Nestle Quik can.

Did Rachael really need to wear a shirt that further separates her breasts?

Rachael's rustic potatoes au gratin with cream and parmesan cheese. Or should I say par-muh-ZHAN-o reg-gi-AHN-o!

It's amazing how she is able to chop so well after that stroke left half of her face paralyzed.

Gotta give props to baking the stuffing in muffin tin.

Rachael's people are apple picking people. Also, they're people with an affinity to uncomfortably tight pants and shirts.

E-V-O-O count: 3

Rachael Ray makes pumpkin soup. Also, do you think she and Ebert go to the same Bell's Palsy support group?

You know Rachael couldn't go a whole episode without talking about alcohol. Her tip: hot totties with apple cider and cinnamon schnapps. Can't WAIT for her egg nog.

I have to admit, Rachael's finished turkey breasts look like they are to die for. Or perhaps you get gangrene and then you die.