Holy shit. That was hilarious.

And yes, there is a new Giada update forthcoming. But I'll have to let this post soak up all its deserved glory in the meantime.

I think I might also add a Barefoot Contessa watch as well. Don't know what it will be, but surely it will capture all her WASPy charm.

uh, B-side, I know you are new to the site, but you only have to press post once.

sg-dub I too share in your love for all things food network (their website is awesome) and although Emeril made the network, I think his time has definitely passed...

AMAZING.

thank god you guys are covering food network now! hilarious.

I did post only once! It was an error. I shall delete it.

So funny!!!!!

I love me some Paula....and I've actually made her completely awesome hot chocolate (hardly any lard). If you want to do a Paula watch, I'll be here....she's the cat's ass, man.

Nice work. The Svan watches the food network plenty and appreciates any recap you can do.

This is great! She still butters whatever food she makes (in addition to the bucket of lard and pound of butter)and can't wait to eat it! Please keep an eye on her dog- as she has him on her special diet too and feeds him as she eats. Barefoot Contessa loves the fat too, only she uses the phrase "how bad can that be" after adding such ingredients and then jets off to her flaming florist.

That was sour cream, right? Right??? Or perhaps vanilla ice cream? Marsmallow fluff? Hair mousse? Please?
Oh, Paula...I'll miss you when you're gone.

On another note, what about the Sandra Lee rehab watch?

That was awesome. I didn't even know lard was commercially available. I mean jesus f'ing christ, its like slathering crisco on your hotdog.

I also am a devotee of the food network. I love almost everything they show. Watching the insane Rachel Ray refer to extra virgin Olive Oil as EVOO and qualifying it with "that means extra virgin Olive Oil" EVERY SINGLE TIME. Whats teh goddamed point of making it an acronym?

Alton Browns fantastic 12 step process in how to store bread crumbs.

Bobby Flay just acting like an all out jackass.

Watching Marc Summers avoid touching any food products because of his freaky OCD.

Its got something for everyone. I especially recommend the All Star Thanksgiving special where they get all of them in one room for a thanksgiving dinner. You could sense tension throughout, especially when Rachel Ray would just blather on and on about her soup idiotically entitled "Orange You Glad It's Thanksgiving Soup." Alton even made a crack about Giada's weight. It was awesome.

Does anyone not hate Rachel Ray?

I actually like Rachel Ray and love her 30 minute meals, as I am watching it right now. Food Network is so part of my channel rotation. Love it and Paula and her scary turducken recipe.

Love, love, love to watch Paula -- do you think she has a clue that her two sons play on the "alternate" team? It actually makes me feel better about my cooking to watch her slather on the lard. Anyone (Ed Hill?) catch the bizarre all star Halloween show? OMG -- Rachel took a blob of cream cheese and prosciutto and formed into the shape of a corpse and wrapped it up with strips of filo pastry to make a mummy -- it was absolutely fascinating to me that someone would actually do this. Oh -- and then she decorated it after she baked it with little olive rings for the eyes and a pimento strip for a smile -- on a MUMMY??

Oh -- forgot to cast my vote for coverage of the Barefoot Contessa. Besides you, few are qualified to delve into that husband/wife/food relationship.

So sadly my life has come down to watching the food network all day while online reading tvgasm. No joke. Everything has fallen into place and is tied together. Life is good :)

WHat the hell?

Nobody has used lard since the 1950s. It's surely not healthy for you. It would be better turned into soap.

Does the food network know she's making such cholesterol laden foods? I wonder if they have an advertising deal with the cholesterol-lowering pill.

Yeah, that's how it works. The shows raise your cholesterol, the commercials lower it. It's brilliant.

The Halloween Show was hilarious!!! That mummy was so weird, though i think Rachel realized it looked like crap. The strange thing is it wasn't targeted for kids; someone really thought a smiling glob of phyllo dough would go over well with adults. Then again, just about anything looks good after enough of those crazy glowing test tube cocktails!

Even better, though, was Sandra Lee's Halloween show. Her "naughty Heidi" costume was priceless.

I LOVE Paula Dean! I never actually make anything she cooks but I watch just about every episode of Paula's Home Cooking (yes, I am that big a loser.)

I especially loved her brownie recipe, which called for literally one pound (4 sticks) of butter for one pan of brownies. Not to mention an entire bag of marshmallows. Mmmm.

Has anyone ever counted how many times Sandra Lee says the word "fantastic" in an average episode?

Paula and the barefoot contessa look like they are swingers. I can picture them in a hot tub together. Please do more food network stuff.

ed hill- thanks for the EVOO rant, drives me nuts too. I love Paula too just read a zap2it interview where she said she was agorophobic for years and basicly stayed in her house and cooked. Food Network loves the disorders. What's it called when Marc Summers creeps you out? Maybe it's some childhood Double Dare related shit but the guy is a fucking creep

According to the Food Network's resident food scientist Alton Brown, lard actually has less cholesterol and fat than regular old butter.

Still the idea of putting rendered pig fat straight on the hot dog... Ye Gods.

Paula is the best. She learned to cook wherever my gram learned, because they use the same philosophy - "There is no food that can't be improved with at least a quarter pound of butter." I like all of the Food Network hosts except Rachel Ray (ugh!) and Alton Brown (Nerds are funny! Who knew?).

As a big 'mo in 'Mo City, Dave Lieberman is cute, but bland. Giada is sweet, apparently suffering from water-on-the-brain, but is bland.

But the Contessa is a fag hag if ever there was one. She tries to feature her hubby more, but the 'mos are the ones that really have a place in her heart! Love her!

Paula rules. I'm also a fan of Ina Garten...she's not quite as indulgent, but she certainly knows how to throw a decadent shindig. She also seems oddly sexual for a woman of her age and girth.

And I've gotta represent for Rachael Ray. She has roughly four different shows now, and she's always quite convincing when she tries a bite of any foodstuff. Her bulging eyes, overexaggerated 'yum!'...it never gets old. She's also an oddly frugal tipper.

Christ, do I watch that much Food network, too?

No joke, my BF and I were watching Paula one day, and she was pouring melted butter into something...and she put the bowl to her mouth!!! I almost projectile-vomited all over the living room. Turns out she was faking, but you know she did it when she cut to commercial. I feel greasy just looking at her food, I can't imagine actually EATING it. Ugh.

Does anyone still Have Paula's hot chocolate recipe? I've heard it's to die for and I have to try it!!

Someone other than my husband and I that enjoys the food network? Hurrah! We live up the street from the bakery of the "sugar rush" host. We've been there a few times, its not that impressive. We still can't figure out how he's hosting a show.

Morimoto from Iron Chef America just opened a resturant nearby as well, I'm hoping the chairman comes out when I'm starting to eat shouting "alle cusine!"

Personally, I like the competition shows. Cupcake challenge, sugar challenge, chocolate challenge. Even the old Iron Chef shows are entertaining. Rachel Ray just gives me a headache.

She'll totally live to 100 years old, like those old Nebraska farmers that put cream in their cereal instead of milk. The philosophy is, "The fat makes my arteries slick so the blood just glides right through..."
Seriously--I've never known a farmer who ate, "lite n' healthy", and they all die really, really old. it's the fakey, refined crap that does you in.

Have any of you watched "The Secret life of ..." the host Jim O'Conner has got to be one of the biggest dorks on tv.

Shelley (#27) Just form lard in the shape of a cookie, add chips and bake.

LOVE Paula
LOVE Giada

Rachel's tipping philosophy is REALLY stingy

The Barefoot Contessa one day made a beef tenderloin roast with gorgonzola cream..it was a WHOLE quart of heavy cream reduced down and big handfuls of cheese added..my heart hurt watching but it looked good

I've made 4 or 5 of Giada's recipes and they are easy..

I wanna cook like Paula but who will pay my mortgage when i keel over?

u don't have 2 be close to know that the guy who hosts sugar rush does not belong on tv

you could talk about barefoot and her "call me by my WHOLE first name" homosexual friends. she's such a hag.

Paula Dean's coleslaw recipe calls for fresh bacon grease. Nuff said.

YES!! Food Network coverage! You guys rock the house.

I adore Paula Dean, and I watch the Food Network all the damned time. It's almost a sickness. I'd probably never cook half the stuff they make, but who cares?! I WOULD eat Paula's stuff, though. I love the hell out of fat. Good stuff.

PLEASE cover Barefoot Contessa - she's definitely WASP-ish and I love it.

Ooh, yes - Rachael Ray is a HORRID tipper. And can we do away with the 'YUM-O!'??

That irks the hell out of me.

It's about time I found my fellow Rachel Ray haters!!! I can't stand her overly exagerated hand gestures in the beginning of the show and that EVOO thing - I thought my dad was going to shoot the tv! He can't stand her either. We need to let the food network know how many people simply can't stand her or they'll keep giving her shows.

I love the Food Network coverage! I have been addicted to this channel for years. This is so hilarious and I love all of the comments, too!

My sister sent me this because she knows what a Food Network junkie I am. And I love Paula Deen the most. I mean, the woman made bread pudding with Krispy Kreme donuts. God love her.

Thank you for recognizing Rachael Ray's annoying habits - "EVOO" and "Yum-O" make me want to kick her.

But let's not forget Ina's annoying habit of having to declare that every single ingredient she adds will give the dish "lots of great FLAVOR."

And finally, there is no way Giada eats her own cooking. The bitch has like 2 baby carrots a day, I'm sure.

sg-dub,

Tell everyone that you were kidding regarding the lard on the hot dog.

LOL.

I watched that episode and it was coleslaw she put on her already heavily laden bacon-wrapped cheese dog.

I love Paula.

By the way, too freakin funny, her son's are married, so unless they are on the DL, I believe they are both hetero.

Oh my God! Are you people serious? Ina's friends are all GAY?? I never would have picked up on that.....lol. Speaking of that, Dave Lieberman does seem to always to cooking a special meal for "a buddy"... but he is kind of cute. The one I really can't stand has not yet been mentioned: Michael Chiarello. It's also amazing how Sarah Moulton turns that fake smile on and off. I guess I just watch the Food Network way too much.

Finally...some Food Network coverage! I thought I was all alone in my obsession. And by the way, Rachael Ray rocks!! I love her multiple shows. I have all of her cookbooks. And I don't even cook! But I can zap a pizza, review my son's homework, pay all of my bills online, and sew the most gorgeous silk panels in the time it takes her to heat up a skillet. Who needs 30 whole minutes to cook a meal? She just seems real to me and I like that.

And for all you Rachel Ray haters, she did a spread for FHM. Check these out:

http://www.jossip.com/gossip/2005_04_rachel_ray.jpg

http://static.flickr.com/23/26163010_8e7c1c2c10.jpg

I'm sure there are more on the FHM website. I just can't go there right now seeing as how I am at work.

You could do a Barefoot Contessa watch on how many times she spills crap that she's cooking on herself! She really gets into it!

!!!!!!!!!!!I LOVE RACHAEL RAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She is ONE damn fine cook. I sometimes only have 30 minutes to put a meal together you know kids and all. And the food she makes my kids will eat she is a normal person using ingredients that anyone can pick up at the local convenient store. So quite ragging on her! Also, I use bacon grease in things as well like green beans, kidney beans, and in fried eggs. Old family thing. Gives a wonder taste and all you really need is about a teaspoon full.

How come every time Ina sends Jeffrey to the market, he has such a tough time figuring out what broccoli or carrots are? He's a dean at Yale, for crissake... if he doesn't know, couldn't he ask the cameraman who just happens to be with him in the market?

Sorry it should say that bacon grease "Gives it a WONDERFUL taste..."

oh my god other crazy Food Networkers like me....I am obsessed with Ina Garten, and her tiny cute hobbit husband. Also, she has the shiniest hair of all times, i am so jealous of it.
I can't watch that Giada woman.
Does anyone else find that way the Alton says 'temperature' (tempa-cheer) is like nails on a chalkboard? (also- why am i obsessed with knowing what his wife is like? he seems so non-sexual to me)
PLEASE add a Barefoot + Good Eats watch !

I would like to slap Giada every time she says "spa-ghee-tee."

A few months ago, I visited her restaurant "Lady and Sons" and I actually attempted to eat at LEAST half of what she cooked... and let me tell you, the buffet was heaven. The mashed potatoes had an ocean of sweet butter pooled in the center of the buffet tray. There was nothing healthy about the meal, save the mint leaf in the hyper-sweet tea.

Not that I'm complaining... it's just that after I ate there, I passed out a few blocks away from the restaurant.

Rachael Ray: "With tax and tip, only 73 cents!"

Yes, please!!! More Food Network shows!

Please, please please cover Sandra Lee's Waspy Bitch show and Barefoot Contessa. How about some Calorie Commando while you're at it?

But please, no Emeril, Alton Brown or Bobby Flay - they all suck ass!

I actually watched an old episode of Paula's show last night, and she was making "salad."

It consisted of a jello mold with a big hole in the middle, filled with cream cheese, whipped cream, nuts and sugar -- jiggly salad!

Who says they don't eat salad in the south?

If you wanna see real horror, watch Giada lean her huge head into the camera and grin maniacally with her London After Midnight teeth every time she says "cheese."

Post #26, I thought I was the only one grossed out by Paula's hygienic habits! On her show last week, she took a turkey out of the oven, felt it up, licked her fingers, then put the turkey back into the oven. Gross, gross, gross.

... and speaking of fag hags, did anyone see Giada's "men friends" come over for fried calamari? "One of these things is not like the others," Giada, AND IT'S YOU.

And does she laugh at EVERYTHING, whether it was intended to be funny or not? Especially when it comes from Tod or a child. I guess she likes to think her guests are witty, and acts as if they are.

I am surprised that no one has mentioned yet, as it is a sport in our house whenever Paula Deen is on: the woman uses a TON of mayo. Everything has mayo in it. I swear one show she made 4 items (one of them dessert) and everything had at least 1/2 cup of mayo. When she made hamburgers, her comment was "And of course, I just love mine with mayonaise." That was the understatement of the year.

I LOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVEEEEE Paula Dean---I want her to be MY mommy! ! ! ! !

By the way, The Svan---I really enjoy watching Rachel Ray. She makes things that I feel I could actually do myself. And WHAT A CUTIE! ! ! ! !

Where the heck's Gail Gant? I'm such a dessert junkie and I love her show.

Notice how the Contessa always says "use good ", which I find a little confusing. Like we all would just go to the store and demand the crappiest they've got. Michael Chiarello's lisp drives me nuts, and can we please talk about Juan Carlos Cruz and how he can take any recipe you have and turn it into something else entirely. You give him your chili recipe- then BAM (biting Emeril) you get some goulash with mushrooms and zucchini and cocoa powder that in no way resembles chili, but he 'took out the fat, and replaced it with flavor'.

My name is Bill and I am a FoodNetworkaholic... this is one of the BEST sites I have seen. You have all made comments that I can relate to... I really liked it the other day when Giada's aunt was on... and announced that Giada's food was not that good.I know that things have gotten out of hand when I watch Ina making that "special brisket" for Jeffrey the third time and still don't change the channel.

Lensmanct (#50): You forgot the "fay-too-CHEE-ni" and "ree-COAT-a."

I think the TVGasm store should sell a Paula Dean version of the game "Operation" where you can go in with little tweezers and unclog Paula's heart. Or maybe a Paula version of "Break The Camel's Back" where you pile little pieces of butter, lard, bacon, and cheese on Paula until she collapses. And of course, there should be a Giada Bobblehead.

Hasbro's gonna have my ass on a platter ...

Lady and Sons'!!! Love it - I try to go everytime I'm in Savannah. If you're willing to shell out $12 for a great all-you-can-eat southern buffet (after waiting in line for an hour or so), you'll probably love it too.

Paula Deen does use a ton of mayo. I have a recipe of hers for this chicken and rice casserole that I only make when I am feeling particularily emotionally needy as it is so fattening. Three of the ingredients are cream of celery soup, a cup of mayo and tons of cheddar cheese.

We love, love, LOVE Food Network!! Alton is very weird, but funny and has some good ideas, Racheal Ray is taking over the freakin' universe, Marc Summers makes me want to slap the crap out of him and that Jim guy on "Secret Life of..." is just way too freakin' excited about EVERYTHING! It's Pez, doofus, not rocket science!Oh, and my boyfriend IS Emeril (or thinks he is, anyway.) Anyway, Paula is a riot! Whenever we watch her, it's always, "now, add some lard and some sugar" and it's about a pound of each!! Thanks for the Food Network stuff! God, one more reason to love TVGasm!!!

Despise Rachel Ray's "spoonula" and the way she points with a sideways whipping motion, wrist exposed.

Besides counting Sandra Lee's "fantastic"s, count the number if times she says, "you put that RIIIIIIIIGHT in there..." "it'll go RIIIIIIIIGHT over here..." "I'm going to put my head RIIIIIIIIIGHT in the oven...."

Love all the Food TV chatter! Let's keep it up!

A Sandra Lee drinking game....mmmmmm...I can see it now.

drink 1 for every "fantastic."

drink for the length of every "riiiiiiiiiight"

the kicker: chug a beer for each time she talks about alcohol and her eyes sparkle maniacally.

^#68 - "head riiiiiiiight in the oven" LOLOLOL

Oh how we wish! Good one.

Barefoot rocks my world...and she's not Waspy...she's a Jew!

I wonder what it would sound like to hear Giada say "LAAAMMMBOOOORRRRRGIIINI!!!"

Has anyone seen the Sandra Lee Holiday episode where she makes Hannukah and Kwanzaa cakes? It must be seen to be believed. Co-workers and I were watching, and by the end of the episode a crowd had gathered because we were all screaming and laughing so hard.
Also, speaking of being on the DL. What about Michael Chiarrelo? I love his show but doesn't he seem well, you know... He did a romantic dinner show with his wife that I think was uncomfortable for all of us.

OK -- you have all made this my favorite blog on this site -- who knew there were so many addicts out there. Just watched Paula make rice pudding, cheesey bread, creamed tomatoes and something else with a ton of cheese, butter, cream, mayo, cream cheese (pick any three). As for her sons -- yikes. I never would have guessed they were married to women -- must have gotten them confused with those two guys who won their own show.

I will be watching for the Sandra Lee Kwanza episode... it sounds like a keeper. Did she make up special drinks for the holiday too?

One of my favotite Ina episodes was when her friends brought their two kids to visit. After a meal of some crappy chicken strips, she loaded the kids up with brownies covered with ice cream, hot fudge, M&M's, gummy bears, and there were some chocolate truffles on the side. Man, those kids must have had the most incredible sugar rush. As Ina waved good bye, she let go that nervous little laugh of hers.... must have known how impossible those little brats would be that night.

I hate it when Rachel Ray makes "stoup". You know, not not a stew and not a soup. I also find it very annoying that she is a hand talker. I bet she would start bashing her head into the wall if you tied her hands behind her back and then asked her to speak.
As for Paula Dean. Love her! Has anyone else noticed that you can always hear her chew. After every bite you can hear her teeth grinding into whatever she is eating. She also eats with her mouth full. Gross!

P.s. Does anyone else hate Bobby Flay's annoying bitch of a wife? She complain's about everything.

Good call on Michael Chiarello. He's so smug, and I hate it when he has all his smug friends over at the end of the episode for some hoity-toity gathering. Plus, that pseudo-Italian schtick he has going on makes me want to pump a couple of rounds into my TV screen.

Also, does anyone know if that god-awful low-carb show is still on? The host of that show was one ugly cuss. Just because you lost 400 pounds or whatever going low-carb doesn't mean you don't still need to get your teeth fixed, bro.

Sandra Lee - closet anorexic whose mouth waters constantly as she adds lemon extract to make things taste homemade and then takes huge bites to prove she eats. rachael ray has a nip off her flask to loosen up those limbs for full gesticulation effect. I'm convinced she's a secret binger/alcoholic - she always takes the tiniest bite of some modified low carb or low fat food on 40$aday. she was glassy-eyed and seemingly drunk on that celebrity interview show. Bobby Flay has a speech impediment and beats his wife. ina garten is miserable thats why she laughs neurotically after everything she says.

I think the low-carb show is still on. It seems like a new set or something. I can't tell if they are repeats though.

The whole low carb thing is so 2003. Yeah, the whole family lost weight and all, but their cholesterol levels must be through the roof! Has anyone seen the episode when George makes this ginormous omolette with like 2 lbs. of cheddar cheese? That just does not seem healthy. He could take a lesson or two from Calorie Commando, Juan Carlos Cruz!!!!

Bobby Flay himself is annoying. I think he thinks he's Food God.

I love 'Unwrapped' too - you guys watch that?

Oh, Giada and her damned Italian pronounciations drive me batty - but in a good way. I like her. And WHY does Ina laugh like that all the time? It's not funny, Ina. It's food. Get over it, already.

OOOH!! Chiarello once had this show where he made that shit that looks like grits - polenta, I think? - and when his buds got there, he sat them down at the table and poured the shit everywhere. Right on the table. That was profoundly disturbing to me, but I watched every second of it. I am perverse.

How about the Barefoot Contessa cracked-out-camera-angle watch? If I have to see her reflected off a toaster one more time, I'm gonna lose it! Or how about those shots where the camera angle is 2 inches away from the food? Can't tell if they're vanilla bean specks or camels on a sand dune.

I remember that episode when Chiarello poured that shit straight on the table. He thinks everything he does is so cool and unique and mind-blowingly cultured. He's a turd.

I listened to a segment on NPR a few weeks back that compared the Food Network to porn. Quite interesting.

i love the crazy Ina camera angles- its the American straight out rip-off of the best cooking-in-my-own-kitchen-isn't-my-life-amazing show ever: NIGELLA BITES. i could watch every episode 600 times...what is wrong with me?!?
naked chef too.

Another craptacular offering from the FN: "How to Boil Water." Yikes. That dude and girl who co-host it have as much on-screen raport as me and my dead grandpa. Also, do they have to tell that girl to act extra retarded, or is she really that slow?

She asks FASCINATING questions: "Now why do put the roast in the oven?" "Why do we need to cook our sauce first?" "Why do we marinate the chicken before we cook it?"

Genius.

Wow... You know what's funny? I sat on this Post for like a month - wondering if it would be well received at all. As in, "Who the hell even knows who she is?" Now I know.

And now I know I can run wild with Food Network Posts. You asked for it...

You've mentioned most of what I noticed. Some more thoughts on the shows (with more to come, from all of us, I promise):

1) I really like Tyler Florence. Even bought his book - Don't know how he puts up with Jack on "How to Boil Water." I'd kill her.
2) I dug Jamie Oliver and the random herbs he'd pluck from his neighbor's sidewalks all the time.
3) Dave Leiberman sucks. STOP BOUNCING UP AND DOWN WHEN YOU TALK! And stop trying to tell me that you can shop at Whole Foods on the cheap. You can't.
4) You just know Paula is a dirty girl.
5) I'll leave Rachel Ray alone for now - just too much to say about her. So I'll only say 2 - her shirts constantly make her flapjacks look even more flapjacky and someone should tell her that you are allowed to serve dessert in something other than martini glasses.
6) Chiarello - Totally spiked my gaydar... but apparently it's wrong sometimes. I do like his rants though. And his "Football Spethials." He'th tho tough!
7) Hate Flay.
8) Hate Emeril
9) Love Iron Chef - both versions. Hate that fat toad from guy who judges all the time.
10) Love Ming Tsai and Thirsty Traveler (Neither on Food Network).
11) What's up with Barefoot's weird sucking inhale noise that she does pre-laugh 10x per show?
12) The low carb dude is totally a child molester.
13) Sandra Lee's breasts will be at navel level in 2 years. Make a tablescape about that, biatch!

I could go on all day. But I'll spare you - plus Christ, I can't use all my material in a comment!

"make a tablescape about that, biatch!" HA!

For those of you who "enjoy" Rachel Ray:

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/19/dining/19rach.html?pagewanted=all

Note the drinking game whenever she says things such as "EVOO", "stoup", "delish", "how ____ is that??!".

they can probably follow that with a drinking game to go with sandra lee...almost necessary...for everytime she says "tablescape" and "fabulous cocktail".

also for the record, i have tried only one of her recipes. it completely did not take less than 30 minutes, and she made 2 other items that episode!! she clearly is on crack.

#78---I thought Bobby Flay was married to that chick from Law & Order. Don't believe I've heard her bitch about anything. What am I missing?

Barefoot Contessa is on now!

Ina time!!

YEAH! Go on with your bad self, B-side!

Yes, please, sg, more Food Network stuff from all of you.

And Rachael Ray has the body of a teenage boy and doesn't dress to suit it. Shouldn't she have a stylist by now?

I absolutely love and adore Jamie Oliver and miss his shows. I also love Anthony Bourdain. Did anyone else watch his show A Cook's Tour when he was on Food Network? He's on the Travel Channel now with a show called No Reservations. It's really good. I think he's hilariouos.

#88 - Can't open the link without paying for the subscription. What's it say?

Sorry, I ment hilarious.

Oh, I love Anthony Bourdain. I highly recommend his book 'Kitchen Confedential'. It's excellent.

#88 - Sorry! Just needed to make a fake login. Great article. Still love her.

I'm glad someone agrees with me that Emril and Flay probably have the worst shows on Food Network, and also that Giada has a giant head! But Giada does make some amazing dishes. And also, Paula is the shit!

Goodness! My husband thinks that I am crazy because a perfect Sunday for me is sitting around and watching the food network. I also enjoy staying up late on Saturday nights to watch Iron Chef America. You know putting it down in back and white makes it seem pretty desperate.

I love paula, but it kinda bothers me that her dogs are always in the kitchen. The other day her and her sons (the ones that bat for the yankee's) were making cornish game hens and after they were done they ripped the leg off of one of those hens and all three went at it like it was a leg of lard, poor Micheal (no one has mentioned him)did not even have a chance to go at it with them.

Rachel Ray is a smidgen weird. I would like her to go into a resteraunt on $40.00 a day and order something normal like a hamburger. I am not talking like a hamburger with cracked blue cheese and salmon eggs on it, I mean a good old fashioned hamburger...you know, like we eat. Or how about a grilled cheese sandwich.

Is there a support group for us food show junkies? If there is, please let me know!

Can someone tell me what date was this episode was on? I have to look up the recipe for that hot dog! NO WAY she put lard on them.

That's what I'm talking about, Debi. Why doesn't ol' Rach ever eat normal crap that the rest of us would? I can eat FIVE meals on $40 a day, for God's sake.

No one has commented yet on the huge number of double entendres Paula does every show. While rolling out some kind of cheese balls or something "Girls, roll the balls out big. Cause I like my balls big" and then a maniacal laugh. They used to do this segment on this morning show called The Daily Buzz "Suggestive Sayings from The Food Network" and I swear to you, every time it was a clip of Paula Deen.

The Paula Deen "specials" are always the best...I have to say that her two sons looked very comfortable in the dresses they "jokingly" wore to her bridal shower.

Did anyone see "Paula goes to Hollywood"? There is one brief clip in which she has no makeup...YIKES...not a pretty sight.

TV Gasm you make me love you all over again.
You pull me in with recaps of Survivor, TAR, Apprentice, ANTM, and you seal the deal with Food Network. You complete me.

What ever happen to Jacque Torres? I used to love him and his chocolate creations.

Rachael Ray needs some new material. I like her and all but she can only toss salt over her shoulder so many times....

Barefoot Contessa's husband appears to be completely useless.

And one last thing...

Will someone please buy Rachael a good bra? Her boobs are under her armpits and the shirts she wears only makes the problem worse! But I do like her...have several of her cookbooks though it always takes me more than 30 mins.

Ok, Thank God there are others out there like me! I enjoy my weekend mornings watching the Food Network.
Paula is my hero, America is a better place with her in it.
Sandra Lee is probably a closet dominatrix.
And the Barefoot Contessa's husband is probably sleeping with his secretary in the city.

Just gotta add my 2¢

I don't mind Rachael's EVOO so much, but "sammy" really makes me want to hurl. But I do like her though.

Whatever happened to Frederich, of How to Boil Water, before Tyler took over. I prefer Tyler, but just wondering.

I think this is my sixth post today, but I just want to say how much I am enjoying this blog and it's so nice to know that so many other people watch these Food Network shows! This is great and I hope it continues!

I forgot to mention that silly guy who does Easy Entertaining. I watched an episode where he was making food for his fishing trip with his buddies and he actually took towel pured hot water over them and then wrapped them in tin foil... great idea if you are Martha Fricken Stewart! If my husband did that and took those to his fishing buddies I am pretty sure that he would not be coming home-- they would push him out of the boat....anyone agree with me?

Paula's pumpkin pie is Radikal, and it is seriously because of the half pound of cream cheese you put into it.

Giada's giant head and eyes, consistent announcements about how damn fresh everything is, and over-enunciated italian pronunciations are basically, um, unbearable.

I am totally freaky about Rachel Ray, in a way that I am obsessed with $40 a Day, and I get anxious watching her interact with people because it is Utterly Insane. However, I love her because she is totally into drinking; she reserves a portion of every show for cocktails and then says "Well I don't know about you, but I need a DRINK" and THEN does this crazy laugh. And if you read the NY Times article about her, the picture is of her drinking, and there is a section about her being totally hungover.

I know that Rachel Ray is crazy, but I cannot hate her because she is way too much of an awkward freak, and it is this that I love.

PS. Alton Brown is awesome, he makes me feel really smart, and he can smoke a salmon in a hotel parking lot with a cardboard box.

Hey--yall know Sandra Lee is going through a NASTY divorce right now--her husband is supposedly some big real estate guy out in CA and is allegedly putting together a big deal with...none other than the woman Sandra is trying to be...Martha Stewart. No joke--its all over PageSix

#89, It is the same woman and I find her to be a complainer. Not only that but she seems to be a bit bossy. She definitly wears the pants in that relationship.

Don't you love it how Ina dumps a pound of butter and a quart of cream into everything and then declares "How bad can That be"....looking at you Ina...pretty freakin' bad! Plus she's got to get over that freaky giggle and they have to move her mike -- the labored breathing is not appetizing.

I vote 1,000X for Barefoot Contessa Recap.....please please either you or B-side.

Oh my gosh, thank you for mentioning that creepy Air And Saliva Sucking In Sound that Ina Garten is constantly making. After she says (inevitably), "How bad could that be?" She sucks in saliva and air through her clenched teeth. She does it all the freaking time. It drives me nuts.

In the episode of Paula's show I saw this afternoon, she "improved" on canned cranberry jelly by making jelly sandwiches filled with a mixture of mayonaise (but of course!), cream cheese (what else!) and pecans. What a treat for one's guests! They'd spend a good deal of the meal wondering "why the HELL did she do that?"

I was driving down a street in East Hampton a couple of weeks ago....Ina's house was on the right......Jeffrey was out on the road on the left....a little walk....or was he running from "death by gorgonzola" ......WE cracked up!

For those other than the three of you who know how to spell her name correctly, it's Paula DEEN. Just wanted you to know. Since most of you seem to be fans, I thought you might take this issue as seriously as I do. It is up to us to treat her with the same Southern respect and gen-teel-ness she offers us.

Quick! What is the name of Rachel Ray's Italian grandfather? She MIGHT have mentioned it once or twice :-) Anyone? Anyone?

Giada's entire show is one big hand porno. Everytime my girlfriend or I tunes-in we say, "Honey! Hand Porn is on!!!" It's all close-ups of her hands fondling food and washing things beneath the faucet with that swanky music playing in the background. She's a dirty little gnome.

Rachel Ray - This bitch is hung-over in every episode. You can smell the liquor shots coming out of her skin through the TV. She always looks like she just rolled out of some strangers bed, dashed to her home to shower and throw on some cloths (almost always black) and haul her inebriated ass to the studio. Everytime she comes on I have to fix a giant glass of water and take 2 aspirin.

Is that really lard? It looks like potato salad. Which I'm hoping it is. People who eat like that I have no sympathy for when they die of a heartattack.

Good lord who knew there were so many Food Network junkies out there other than us?

Every time I see Ina Garten I always start humming “in-a-gadda-da-vida� by Iron Butterfly.

Sg-dub tried to get me to watch the Anthony Bourdain show (which is on Discovery channel I think) but I couldn’t make it through one episode. He goes out of his way to be rude and insulting to every foreigner he visits, but since he’s such a pussy he always makes sure that the either don’t speak English first, or insults them in the commentary. He also has an 80’s porn star vibe that gives me the dry heaves.

We can all agree Emeril sucks.

Its really easy to eat in any city for 40 dollars a day if you use coupons, never tip and have a half a glass of wine. Also, I’d be able to cook her meals in thirty minutes if I opened my fridge and voila!, there are precut ingredients all measured out and ready to go.

Nothing beats Giada’s mmmm face. There are times when I am watching the show but bail out at about 2 minutes in when I decide her blouse isn’t tight enough. Same thing when she mentions her husband. Its like having a stripper talk about her kids during a lapdance. If anyone sees her thanksgiving episode they do a close up of her massaging her turkey for like 30 seconds. I am not ashamed to say I was aroused. SPAA-GHEE-TIII!

The Thirsty Traveler is awesome. I remember one episode (Belgian beer I think) were he got totally shitfaced. And Greek Ozu is disgusting.

Alton Brown is my god. Have both his books. He’s part MacGyver, part anal retentive chef (Phil Hartman SNL skit). He did a one hour special on salt that was riveting (I’m not kidding).

i'm surprised no one mentioned the amount of times sandra lee says 'i'm just going to POP THIS _____' (over there, into here, into the oven, into the freezer, into the fridge).

it makes me want to pop her head off.

Alton Brown likes to hear the sound of his own voice-- more than I can say for myself. I think we could divide these hosts into red state/blue state-- Alton Brown very red state -- me very blue state

Oh, EdHill, it is on. Anthony Bourdain is the awesomest celeb chef ever (narrowly beating out Jamie Oliver, by virtue of saying 'fuck' more often). Also, I think he makes fun of himself as much as he makes fun of others - check out the New Zealand episode where he's too sensitive to kill the boar and almost kills himself on a dune buggy.
The show has a viewer discretion warning on it. Taking the Travel Channel to fun new heights!

I totally agree with you Kat! Anthony Boudain is so funny and he is constantly making fun of himself. My husband and I watch his show on the Travel Channel all of the time and he's a riot.

Paula definitely just took a box of cake mix and added two entire sticks of butter to it to make a Butter Cake. I think its time we all start to worry for her.

No one mentioned Mario Batalli!!!!!

his food ideas are the best

and Ina, I love just sitting there in her orchard

she's the owner of the Barefoot COntessa gourment shop? in the hamptons right?, I know it might be too obivious
but is she?

I don't understand that if sooooo many of these TV food show hosts annoy sooooo many of you why on Earth are you watching them? I watch the ones I enjoy and truly like (Paula DEEN--excuse ME foodbina; Rachel Ray; Alton Brown,etc.), and totally avoid the ones I truly dislike (Emeril; that Sarah chick, etc.) DON'T WATCH THEM IF YOU DON' LIKE THEM! Geesh!!

Ina sold her store East Hampton several years ago to a group of locals.. She gave/sold them permission to use the B.C. name for the store only. The store then went out of business due to new competition East Hampton
village....Barefoot Contessa is now "Theory" -- a clothing store. But Ina's still around.And so is Jeffrey (that cheeky monkey)!!

It's not that Rachael Ray uses the "EVOO" acronym for extra virgin olive oil that annoys me. It's that she explains what it means each time. The acronym exists so you don't have to use the full name. John Glenn doesn't say, "I used to work at NASA... National Aeronautic... um... I forgot the rest."

I like her recipes, but cram the EVOO up her EVA.

can someone just tell me if Sandra Lee's breasts are real or not?? really curious - that's all!!!

ahaha. paula dean is awesome. it's amazing how much mayonnaise and butter one person can consumer.

rachael ray must die.

I have the wicked hots for Ming Tsai. And Anthony Bourdain. And Bobby Flay (gross, I know). And Nigella (hot, I know). Please recap anything Food Network.

I am watching "Good Eats"....is that Alton Brown in disguise, or does he really have an uncle who is a Southern Colonel??

Tyler Florence is a total babe, and ditto for Ming Tsai. Whatever happened to "East Meets West" anyway?

Bobby Flay = arrogant jerk.

Emeril seems to think he's become the Mick Jagger of celebrity chefs, although I do still really like "Essence of Emeril." I guess it's the band and the "BAM!" stuff that just makes him unbearable to me.

The boys are cracking me up about Giada. If you love her so much, please feed her.

And I had no idea that people could dislike Alton Brown! He's hysterical and smart and I've learned a ton from his show. In fact, I sometimes shop at the Kroger or Harry's Farmer's Market in Alpharetta and I'm always looking out for him.

Hello, Annie! Are you new to the site? We only make fun of the shows that we DO like. Thus the reason for the snark values. There is enough fodder on the Food Network for it to have its own section here on the gasm.

Welcome aboard!

Another signature Giada move: Sitting on the couch hugging your knees and grinning like a Hummel figurine.

The only other women I've seen do that are on tampon commercials talking about how fresh their cunt now is, as opposed to the fetid swamp it was when they used another product. It's the "womanly confidence" pose.

holyterror, that was funny as hell.

A Paula "camel toe" would be a real coup.

I notice that Rachael Ray is always cooking with two small potatoes, but there aren't any potatoes on the menu. Seriously...that woman needs a boob job. She tries to be sexy by wearing her blouses buttoned down to her navel as though she has anything to show. Makes me lose my appetite every time.

Just wondering: what is the "most popular" post ever on tv-gasm? By that, I mean responded to the quickest and the most comments....'cuz this one has bloomed like my butt after eating Mrs. Deen's cooking!

This may be cry for help but anyway..

I didn't sleep well last night and had that feeling that something was unlocked or still burning or not turned off..and it turns out..
I TOTALLY saw something on TFN that made me promise myself that I would rush to post comments here ASAP and I forgot to do it.
It was freakin' Emeril. The thing that made me quit watching him was when he made fun of THE FOOD NETWORK about their "wash your hands after you handle raw poultry" rule. Like he was too good for soap and/or salmonella!?!

Alton Brown needs to go hazmat on Emeril's arrogant ass.

That was cathartic. Thanks for the venue.

Fuzzbait- Laguna Beach has the most. Look under archives. Many of those posts have gotten betweeen 400 and up to 700 posts!

Fave Food Network chefs:

1. Tyler Florence - got his cookbook signed at Borders, really nice guy. And his recipes aren't that hard!

2. Alton Brown - the Mrs. and I were science majors, so all the geeky stuff is interesting.

3. Mario Batali - I like how he describes some of the history of the dishes he does. One time, that washout Rocco Dispirito was one of his guests - how sad.

4. Jacques Torres - love those chocolate desserts!

Another poster asked about Ming Tsai, I think I've seen him on Fine Living and hardly on Food Network. There was an Iron Chef Am. where he was on I think?

Is it me, but are there less shows about how to cook things? Giada's "Behind the Bash" crap, and the lame-o stuff that Muppett Head Rachel Ray does; I get that it's about food, but a little more variety of chefs would be nice. Muppet Head's got like four shows? Giada has two? Tyler with two or three? (At least I like his shows, Jack could be a little bit less clueless.)

And I totally agree with the previous poster about Ray's cheap cheap tipping. Who the bleep couldn't survive on $40 a day? It's $40!!!

Went to get Ray's books signed at Borders (it was a gift for a relative, I swear!) and man is she ugly. It's a good thing that she stayed behind the autographing table because everytime she stood up, I swear those hips of hers knocked over a patron. I made the mistake of clicking on one of her recipes from FoodTV online: Lemon Sorbet - get one pint lemon sorbet, top with fresh berries. DUH!

Bobby Flay - get a clue.

Emeril Lacrappy - get a bigger clue.

I do like Jim O'Connor, he always seems so interested in what he's seeing.

Whew, that was nice to get off my chest; wish I could write more but I need to walk the dog!!!

Love love love this post. I too am a FoodNetworkaholic (#63).

P.S. Alton Brown is a tool.

Has anyone else ever noticed how Rachael Ray has to fill up every second of air time with her ridiculous chatter? Sometimes she says the dumbest thing just to avoid having 2 seconds of silence. One of her favorite things to say is "I ALWAYS keep -- on hand" or "I make this meal 2 or 3 times a week." How can it be possible that she makes every meal 2 or 3 times a week?? What planet is she living on that 1 week equals a month?? And she always likes to talk about how the meal she's making is great to make "with your kids." She doesn't even have any kids, so why the heck does she care? And did you see the episode where she had a little boy cooking with her and he couldn't do crap? I'm sure she wasn't thinking it was so great to cook with kids that day!

My favorite Paula Deen episode is when she visited a chocolate factory. When the tour guide gave her a sample, she proceeded to buckle her knees, cross her eyes, and yell "orgasmic!!" If she thinks that's orgasmic, I'd like to see what goes on between her and her hunka burning love Michael. I know she's a freak. Anyway, my family now comments on any delicious food as being orgasmic, just because we love Paula so much.
P.S. I'm surprised more people didnt mention Tyler or Jaime (Naked Chef) as their fave Food Network culinary stars...they sure are mine, but I think Jaime's show name is a bit deceiving and disappointing.

Awwww ... how can you rag on Alton? You have to have a sense of humor and an interest in actually learning HOW to cook rather than just watching some idiot slap some crap together that you would never make or eat. Seriously, I can't even begin to explain how much I've learned from his shows and the impact it's had on my cooking. They did get lame for a while last year, but his recent ones on avocados and pocket pies had lots of great info and great recipes. I watch some of the other folks (Paula, Jaimie, Tyler) for entertainment and diversion - I watch Alton to learn and improve my cooking.

Oh, this is awesome!! I love you people!! My boyfriend says Rachel Ray always looks like she just rolled out of bed right before her show. There's another guy who has a show like Anthony Bourdain's, but I can't remember his name. He was eating all this disgusting food in, like, Thailand or something that was disgusting. I miss "Naked Chef"!!!!

Wow! I really enjoyed this post. Lots of things that have always bugged me about various shows have been called out by others. I feel strangely relieved that it's not just me thinking these things.

One thing that amazes me is that no one has mentioned Emeril's audience of lemmings and his shameless pandering to them.

"...and put about 10 POUNDS of GAH-lic in there.Wild cheers

"...and we'll go for a about a bottle of Turbo dog [beer] in there."Wild cheers

"Let's get some HOT sauce in there! OH YAH, BA-BEH!!"Wild cheers

"...and drop in about a POUND of BUTTAH."Wild cheers

"I usually put in 6 pounds of PORK FAT! Cuz you know: PORK FAT RULES."Wild cheers

Oh I'm totally into that Tyler Florence. He's HOT! I love the way he is always casually touching his short little partner on "How to Boil Water." Just the chemistry between those two could probably boil water.

Re #119

Isn't RR's Italian grandfather's name Emmanuel?

Rachael Ray keeps a garbage bowl by her side "to save steps" but preps her food a jillion miles away from the SINK and FRIDGE, so she's constantly moving back and forth anyway--maybe so she keep repeating her little "Am I going to make it?" drama with her armloads of crap.

And is it just me, or is that one scary-ass broiler?

RE: #154

You are CORRECT!!! Amazing, since she has only said it once...maybe twice...ok, hundreds of times.

You are the winner of today's "YUMMO" award.

Ok, I watched rachel ray's 60 minute thanksgiving (in which she really only made half of the courses). Anyway, for those who have seen Seinfeld, she totally has manhands. There is nothing grosser than watching her with her giant 4 carat diamond ring digging into a bowl of raw ground beef. Yum-O.

also, if you notice, rachel ray is the one chef who does not need background music whatsoever during her show. for ina and giada they can do the super-zoom on the food and we just watch. but no, with rachel she fills in any spare moment with awkward laughter or a fun story about how her mom would kill her for trying to carry everything at once.

yet, i watch her enough to know this stuff. so sad.

Word to Lensmanct re: Giada's "spa-ghee-tee" recipes.

And props to Kelley for calling out Juan Carlos Cruz on the effed up changing of recipes. When you take out the fat and allegedly add flavor by turning a cheesecake into a salad, it's not actually the same dish.

The Sandra Lee drinking game is: "How many drinks do you think she's had in order to dull the ache of her WASPy bitch loneliness? That is to say, 'How many TODAY?'"

Paula Deen's orgasmic eye roll when she eats one of her own dishes is my guiltiest Food Network pleasure. (Word to sg-dub in the 86th post)

"Low-Carb AND LOVING IT!" must be allowed to die a peaceful death like Dr. Atkins himself. And did you ever see that snaggle-toothed chef's awkward teenaged son? Maybe we should have waited to invite him to the show until after "Puberty AND LOVING IT!" hits.

And here's the SAT analogy for the day:
Rachael Ray is to Ina Garten as "EVOO" is to:
(A) "Clean hands...cook's best friend!"
(B) "I've invited over my (not-at-all-gay, please pay no attention to the flaming) friend T.R. and his buddies for blow jobs and coke -- oops, er, char-grilled pizzas and cran-tinis."
(C) "Jeffrey's coming home from the city (where I'm quite sure he's effing his secretary, but ah, well, that's the price I pay to live in this goregous Long Island manse)."
(D) Any of the above

I've got to tell you I love how this article has unleashed the flood of requests for a true TVGasmization of Food Network. Instead of the Food Network forums with such scintillating exchanges as "I tried the stuffing recipe with thyme once and it was different from when I used rosemary. Not better or worse. Just different."

sigh...I love this site and I too am a food network junkie...you guys have verbalized all my peeves. I would like to add that I hate when Emeril talks over the food...eww. Sandra Lee is like a bootleg Martha with her tablescapes, I love RR EVVO and all, and Giada does have a big ass head but watching her cook makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. This network has inspired me to buy so many kitchen gadgets that I never use (Kitchen aid mixer anyone?) and my husband does not understand how I can watch hours of this stuff and never produce one of the recipes...oh well!

I just found this site trying to look up Paula's Broccoli Salad. I'm only to Nov 15 and I've got tears from laughing so hard.
I think Giada should be x-rated until she can keep her boobs in her tops!

Holyterror POST 138 is the best post ever made PERIOD.

Just found this site and your chatter is great.

Observations: Rachel Ray has this very unsanitary habit of piling up all her canned goods and items she will use in a bowl, taking them out of a cupboard. Then she will make a salad in that bowl. Yuck.

And Emeril keeps wiping his nose with the back of his hand.

So, far these are the gross out things for me watching these people cook.

Paula Deen is a sweetheart and I love her and her cooking to death. Paula's show just wouldnt be nearly as good if she tried to be health conscious and used low fat ingredients. That just wouldnt be true southern cooking. I dare say that Paula would encourage people to eat her foods everyday. Im sure she knows they arent healthy! The point of the show is to share her favorite southern recipes and she does that better than anyone else ever has. She might just be the best southern cook on the face of the earth.

Rachel Ray is probably one of the most interesting people i've seen in a long time. In "30 Minute Meals" I find her to be a little annoying. In "$40 a day", she takes on a completely different attitude. She has alot of class, and its always funny to see her drinking. She's a very fun, interesting person.

Tyler Florence is also a cool guy. I've enjoyed watching his shows. I dont like his food all that much.

Bobby Flay has no business being on TV. The arrogant attitude sticks out like a sore thumb.

Alton Brown is weird. Seems out of place on Food Network.

What makes the Food Network great are all the different personalities. Most viewers can identify with Paula, Rachel, or Tyler. They all have their unique styles and ways of doing things that make them fun to watch. If they were all just "normal" people nobody would watch the network. The Food Network is brilliant for hiring Ray and Deen and owes it's success largely in part to them.

OK, next time anorexic Giada is on, count how many times she says "creamy." And Rachel Ray, well she learned to cook at a HoJo -- no kidding. That explains a lot to me. Please get her off the TV. Please?

I think you guys are all hilarious!!! I've been laughing hysterically at all the comments made because 90% of them are right on. Giada is obnoxious when she overly emphasizes her words and Rachel Ray is just annoying at the beginning of 30 Minute Meals when she talks with her hands so much. She looks like the Joker when she smiles. I love Paula Deen! Even though her food is loaded up with fat, it still looks good and when she takes a bite of something and makes that cross-eyed face and smiles it's great.

Bobby Flay needs a good beating - something to wipe that arrogant smirk off his dogface.

As to Rachel Ray, she is about the most annoying woman I have ever seen on TV. When she releases that absurdly phony giggle, I feel like strangling her. Can you imagine living with that?

It's great to see all of these folk who enjoy The Food Network..my sisters berate my constantly for watching Good Eats.

Alton is fabulous-kind of odd and incredibly dorky but he has a beautiful wife and an adorable daughter and totally knows what he's going on about. Don't know if I'd ever try to smoke anything in a cardboard box in a parking lot, but to each his own.

Emeril needs to be strangled with a phone cord.

Rachel Ray has this manic, freak energy which makes me think she does a few lines just before tapings. She sliced her finger one time whilst chopping, put a paper towel on it and kept on until commercial (as if she was doing it live???) and when the show came back she had this monster white claw.

She's hilariously uncomfortable with other human beings though. $40 A Day is great when she's blasting out the eardrums of the poor townspeople who attempt to help her find some booze.

Tyler Florence is gorgey and I miss Naked Chef. So great, so weird. He just threw shit together, literally. And that lisp was so endearing.

And miss Paula Deen...gosh I wish she was my grandmother. She seems like such a nice lady and the type of grandma who would sneak butterscotches into your pockets. Probably along with a whole stick of butter, but it's the thought that counts :)

Oh and does anyone notice how Tyler Florence totally pervs out on any woman he shows how to cook on that show where he goes to people's houses?

He like, touches them and watches them taste whatever it is they've just made with this slightly creepy horny look. He's a hottie though. I wouldn't mind having him breath down my neck while I'm sampling some roasted duck with mango-blueberry chutney (or whatever the hell weird-ass food he made).

Excuse me, "breathe" down my neck

Briefly saw Rachael Ray on
the Oprah show, and then
heard she was going to be
working for Oprah....anyone know about
what's happening with that?

thanks

what in the world happened to food network web-site? It used to be my recipe box of choice. It's almost impossible to search now. Can't even find a "contact us" place to complain

It's amazing how attached people seem to get to their favories FN hosts.

Recently I read a local column wherein the author lauded Emeril and B-Flay as the only REAL chefs on FN. I was so totally disgusted that I stopped reading his column. HATE the Flay! And Emeril is soooo played.

My own sister regarded me with contempt when I told her that I didn't care for Mario and Sarah and that Paula grossed me out with all her finger lickin' and kitchen dogs.

We both agreed, however, that Mark S. (Unwrapped)uses way too much hairspray.

And don't shoot, Tyler fans -- I find him to be condescending and uppity, despite his good looks.

Here are my personal FN pics:

Alton: brainy, funny -- and, yes, sexy!

Jim O: Funny and a real cutie.

Jaime O: How I miss him! Not good looking in the traditional sense but very sexy nonetheless. I really don't care what he cooks -- I just like looking at his gushy lips! LOL

Giada: Thank GOD I'm not the only one who noticed her head! Her recipes are actually quite good.

Sandra: Love to watch how the background kitchen accents change with every show. Also love knowing that there's a market for women who "cheat" in the kitchen.

Rachel: There is such a thing as Rachel overload. Hate the cheap tipping, too. (And I agree with the wardobe/bra comments, although I'm glad that she hasn't succumbed to the boob job.) But she is very enthusiastic and has produced some interesting variations on classics that really turn out well.

Chef I'd most love to see join FN: Cucina Amore host Nick Stellino. Gotta love the way he talks in Italian to the picture of his dead mother!

Chef my husband would most like to see on FN: ME! He says my show would be called the Vulgar Gourmet. It would feature me burning my fingers, flopping cakes and spilling gallon jugs of syrup on the floor, and would naturally be laden with the foul language typical of my cooking sessions.

Lightbulb moment: Maybe that's why I watch FN so much. I get to criticize without being perfect, myself!

Hi Paula,

I just want you to know that my family loves
your show and of course all of your recepies. With love, we wish you a very merry christmas.

Bertha.