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Sandra Lee's Tricks and Treats

sandy1102406

When I saw that the Food Network would be airing a special titled A Semi-Homemade Halloween with Sandra Lee, I just had to set my Tivo. After all, there's no other holiday where women feel so empowered to dress slutty (as observed in Mean Girls), and if there was anyone to rise to that challenge, it had to be Sandra Lee. So join me as I try to capture the highlights of this wonderful, hour-long mammary-fest.

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Greetings and Happy Halloween from Sandra Lee and her heaving bosom!


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"Excuse me while I bend over to touch this piece of moss unnecessarily!"


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Hey, Sandra Lee's showing us her pussy! (Too easy... too easy...)


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"Fine sir, I'm ever so delighted you poured me this drink. It's not terribly strong, is it?"


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"No, it's not strong at all, Ms. Lee. (Looks like I'm gettin' me some Sandra Lee tail tonight. Know what I'm talkin' about, America?)"

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"Weeeee! Hands!!!"


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Later on, Sandra changes into her slutty French Maid costume...


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"Hey hey hey. Party in the hizzouse!"


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"Let's get wasted on Boones and make a tablescape!"


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"Oh, Mr. Frankenstein! That joke was hilarious. Want some more tequila?"


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"I think he likes me!"


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"Okay, Sandra. Work your magic."


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"So, ahem, would you categorize your buttocks as firm or doughy?"


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"Oh, I'm just teasin', Mr. Frankenstein!"


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"Or am I?"

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Later, Sandra changes into her "sugar plum fairy" costume.


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Apparently this sugar plum fairy has spent a good amount of time in a 19th century brothel.


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"Mr. Frankenstein don't know what he missed out on..."


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"Mama like... mama like..."


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Oh look! It's the farmer's daughter!


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"Does it turn you on when I eat pumpkin seeds, Mr. Frankenstein?"


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"Um, I think I got one in my eye. A little help?"


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Lastly, Sandra changes into a generic sorceress outfit, but despite the generous lean-over, it's just not chesty enough. You know what that means...


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Time to go back to the tried and true!


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Behold the return of the fairy godmother costume! C'mon Sandy. Show us a little somethin'...


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That's good, but you can do better.


sandy18102406
That's what we're talking about! Well done! Happy Halloween, y'all!

Comments (22)

Ubiquitous [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Poor Tyler! I wonder how The Food Network forced him to suffer the double humilation of being dressed up as Frankenstein's Monster and haivng to fend off SLop's sloppy advances?

Donna Martin Graduates! [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Yikes -- is this a cooking show or an ill-advised fashion show/boob fest?

Incidentally, that 'hands through the wall' thing is from Polanski's Repulsion but he got it from Jean Cocteau's La Belle et La BĂȘte (Beauty and the Beast) and it was also copied in the recent Phantom of the Opera movie.

Nice recap, b.

Top Chef??

zoobabe [TypeKey Profile Page]:

very nice B! The "I got one in my eye" shot made me LOL. So dirty yet so funny, which is a perfect combination!

tvtvtv [TypeKey Profile Page]:

B-Side, you've made me very very happy! She's so ridiculous and recappable ... it's just a question of making it past the first three minutes of the show without puking from the cuteness.

By the way, I wonder whether the farmer's daughter knows that there's a GINORMOUS leering jack o'lantern behind her? It looks hungry.

wandernview [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Sadly this boobiefest errr Halloween cooking special had a expiration date of last year as it's just a repeat. America deserved a new one not just a rerun.

pupkick [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I'd hit it.

GiadaFan [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Tyler was Frankenstein? Dang, what an episode to miss!

BTW, Tyler was at our local Borders. I never got a chance to get over there and check out the crowd and Mr. Frankenstein. Next time....

Ubiquitous [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Tyler was Frankenstein? Dang, what an episode to miss!
Yeah, you could tell Tyler did NOT want to be there. I think this was shortly after she and The Wallet got divorced.

conrad5 [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Top-Heavy Chef

vividblurry [TypeKey Profile Page]:

"Let's get wasted on Boones and make a tablescape!"

LOL - this was awesome! I love your Food Network posts!

maketomorrow [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I watched this while drunk and bored, and it was probably the most amusing thing I've seen in a long time. Gotta love Food Network's afterhours programming!

Trent880 [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Is that Tyler as in Tyler Florence? Isn't he also in Applebee's commercials? Did he lose multiple bets?

troiaj [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Sandra Lee is such a joke. She's got to be the laziest chef I've ever seen. "If you don't want to bother chopping your onions, you can buy a can of them at your local grocery! Now, look at my boobs!!"

maketomorrow [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I was sad to learn that she's from Wisconsin. I swear that we're not all so talentless and desperate. There are a lot of blond-haired, blue-eyed people, though.

Ubiquitous [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Is that Tyler as in Tyler Florence?
Yep, that's the one. After catching the end of the previous year's Halloween special with Emeril and the REAL Food network cooks, I know why SLop got a special of her own. Apparently since Tyler Florence was sick the day they made the previous one, he was roped into doing this one with her. Speaking of which, did you notice how he treated her like some sort of amateur and bored he seemed during that segment?

Iacobus [TypeKey Profile Page]:

"Weeeee! Hands!!!"

BEST LINE EVER. Sandra Lee is only good for the trainwreck value: people only watch her to be horrified. And boobs. So make that a trainwreck with boobs.

Also, I'm sorry: I love Tyler Florence, even with the extra weight he's put on lately, but after whoring his bad self out to Applebee's putting on costume makeup and talking down to Sandra Lee is a step UP.

Shelzy [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Oh, how I wish I'd have seen this episode.

What cocktail did she make to go along with her spooky, pussy-laden tablescape?

You know she's a total girl-drink drunk (thanks, Kids in the Hall for that line), 'cause that's all she ever makes.

She'll make a girly drink to go along with the fanciest of meals. Kamikazes with Beef Wellington. Strawberry and Mango margaritas with steak tartare.

NclrGn [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Seriously... how many of you out there take shortcuts when cooking? Do you actually enjoy spending all day preparing a meal from scratch? Yeah, SL is silly but I wouldn't say she was lazy; a lot of people, even pro cooks need convenience items from time to time.

JustMark [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I think "Aunt Sandy" needs to get some kids of her own! She's just a little too syrupy sweet sometimes with her sister's kids. I wanna puke. She probably is a really nice aunt and person though cuz she's from Wisconsin and everyone is nice there!

Tyler Florence. Great chef and cooks cool stuff but he practically pushes whoever he has on the show out of the way so he can do it all himself. He is annoyingly impatient and is also looking quite a bit chubbier in those sweaters these days. And then the show with Jack on it. (How to Boil Water) Is her name short for Jack-ass? She is seriously annoying!! I can't stand watching that show just because of her.

SandraLeeIsNTC:

I freaking hate her. She is just useless. Another example of both how Armegaeddon is upon us, and the utter downfall of the Food Network. No wonder Tyler Florence looks like he has been eating entire half gallons of ice cream at a sitting. If I had to play second fiddle to her tits on a special, I would too.

SandraLeeIsNTC:

I freaking hate her. She is just useless. Another example of both how Armegaeddon is upon us, and the utter downfall of the Food Network. No wonder Tyler Florence looks like he has been eating entire half gallons of ice cream at a sitting. If I had to play second fiddle to her tits on a special, I would too.

Forgetmenot:

Sanda Lee is really way too syrupy and smarmy for my tastes. And being a professional cake decorator myself, I have seen her shows when she decorates cakes and she is AWFUL, and also very unrealistic. Her wedding cake segment was absolutely laughable. She proposed making a wedding cake from packaged cake mix, and proceeded to tell us she purchased about 11-15 boxes of mix! Then she purchased countless tubs of frosting. The cake she allegedly made was positioned outdoors on a hot day and from the looks of it, must have weighted a ton! There is no way this cake would have stayed together (it would have collapsed in on itself without the proper internal supports which Lee did NOT use), and the taste would have been way too sweet, causing most people to pucker! This woman makes up stuff and much of it is utterly ridiculous. She doesn't know a thing about cakes, frostings, and most especially, working with fondant. What a hack! I think like most of these so-called lifestyle people, she will fade from view after a couple more years.

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