The Anal Retentive Chef - 
by EdHIll
If it’s a wacky camera angle and weird characters you know you’ve entered the world of Good Eats, The flagship show of Food Network. I first became aware of Good Eats a few years ago when I was clicking through the channels and came upon his show. The only reason I paused to watch it was because I thought Alton Brown looked like Luke Skywalker. And honestly, who wouldn't watch a cooking show by Luke Skywalker? Except maybe those damn Sand People. Anyways, I was fascinated by his ability to teach you about cooking, as opposed to just cooking something and saying Yum-O!. I didn’t know a tomato in the fridge would ruin its flavor, or an artichoke is just a blossom of a giant thistle flower, but I do now. And I can now tell you the history of Teflon. And I am a better man for it.
Yes, Alton's extremely anal retentive, and yes sometimes his gimmicky props go a little overboard. But I love him. I love him as deep and as pure as a mother loves her newborn, or a crack whore enjoys a hot bath. Or her crack. Either one. So without further ado, let us examine the cause of my heterosexual man crush on the man they call Alton Brown.
As far as I am concerned the Food Network is Alton Brown. Everything else is just filler shows in between AB (and occasional leering at Giada, or if I'm feeling particularly saucy, Ina Garten). His show isn't just about cooking. If you sit down expecting him just to rattle off a recipe for garlic chicken, you will be in for a shock. First he will go through the history of Garlic with a culinary anthropologist (# 2 on my list of jobs I wish I had, after President of the David Hasselhoff Fan Club. HASSELHOFF!). Then he will examine how it was first cultivated, what cultures brought it to America. Next he will go through the chemical composition of garlic that makes it what it is (smaller bulbs have more intense flavor, you must dice and/or crush the garlic so the enzyme allinase can digest the sulfur rich amino acid alliin, thus creating allicin, which creates the smell and taste of garlic we all love). From there he will tell you what to look for when shopping for Garlic, how to store it, and then, finally, go through a few recipe's. Oh, and he’ll also go over a cooking instrument to help you find the best one on the market. And trivia. Lots of trivia. All that in one half hour. What more do you want?
Admit it. You didn't know that did you?
Also with Alton is a cast of semi regulars who pop up from time to time to help us on our culinary journey. We have Shirley, the adorable big lesbian looking food scientist. Debra, out nutritional anthropologist and W, Alton’s Bond like equipment specialist. Even Altons mannish looking sister has made a few appearances.
Spanky Lives!
Sadly Altons wife and daughter have yet to make an appearance. I don't know why but I have been curious about seeing a picture of the woman he married. Jealousy? Umm, no, not really. I'm as man as man can be. Just ask my mom. I'm just fascinated by his oddly asexual behavior, so I wanted to see the woman he gets his freak on with. Does that make me weird? It does doesn't it? Oh well. For anyone interested, here’s a picture of the happy family.
Sigh...The luckiest woman in the world.
|
| | Next Page... 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 ( Comments ) | Discuss In Our Forums |