If it’s a wacky camera angle and weird characters you know you’ve entered the world of Good Eats, The flagship show of Food Network. I first became aware of Good Eats a few years ago when I was clicking through the channels and came upon his show. The only reason I paused to watch it was because I thought Alton Brown looked like Luke Skywalker. And honestly, who wouldn't watch a cooking show by Luke Skywalker? Except maybe those damn Sand People. Anyways, I was fascinated by his ability to teach you about cooking, as opposed to just cooking something and saying Yum-O!. I didn’t know a tomato in the fridge would ruin its flavor, or an artichoke is just a blossom of a giant thistle flower, but I do now. And I can now tell you the history of Teflon. And I am a better man for it.
Yes, Alton's extremely anal retentive, and yes sometimes his gimmicky props go a little overboard. But I love him. I love him as deep and as pure as a mother loves her newborn, or a crack whore enjoys a hot bath. Or her crack. Either one. So without further ado, let us examine the cause of my heterosexual man crush on the man they call Alton Brown.
As far as I am concerned the Food Network is Alton Brown. Everything else is just filler shows in between AB (and occasional leering at Giada, or if I'm feeling particularly saucy, Ina Garten). His show isn't just about cooking. If you sit down expecting him just to rattle off a recipe for garlic chicken, you will be in for a shock. First he will go through the history of Garlic with a culinary anthropologist (# 2 on my list of jobs I wish I had, after President of the David Hasselhoff Fan Club. HASSELHOFF!). Then he will examine how it was first cultivated, what cultures brought it to America. Next he will go through the chemical composition of garlic that makes it what it is (smaller bulbs have more intense flavor, you must dice and/or crush the garlic so the enzyme allinase can digest the sulfur rich amino acid alliin, thus creating allicin, which creates the smell and taste of garlic we all love). From there he will tell you what to look for when shopping for Garlic, how to store it, and then, finally, go through a few recipe's. Oh, and he’ll also go over a cooking instrument to help you find the best one on the market. And trivia. Lots of trivia. All that in one half hour. What more do you want?
Admit it. You didn't know that did you?
Also with Alton is a cast of semi regulars who pop up from time to time to help us on our culinary journey. We have Shirley, the adorable big lesbian looking food scientist. Debra, out nutritional anthropologist and W, Alton’s Bond like equipment specialist. Even Altons mannish looking sister has made a few appearances.
Spanky Lives!
Sadly Altons wife and daughter have yet to make an appearance. I don't know why but I have been curious about seeing a picture of the woman he married. Jealousy? Umm, no, not really. I'm as man as man can be. Just ask my mom. I'm just fascinated by his oddly asexual behavior, so I wanted to see the woman he gets his freak on with. Does that make me weird? It does doesn't it? Oh well. For anyone interested, here’s a picture of the happy family.
Sigh...The luckiest woman in the world.
Now with his odd choices there are the occasional duds out there. He once did an entire episode about beets. And try as he might, they are still beets, and beets are gross. Or he will go to such ridiculous extremes to get something that you can simply buy at a store in 5 minutes. When he was going through his long process of making homemade liquid smoke (which involved buying aluminum tubing of some sort) I remembered I saw a bottle of it at the Stop and Shop for $3.99. And who can forget his entire episode devoted to making your own homemade bacon? Well if you missed it, don't worry, here is the recipe :
« Giada Salad Update | Main | Sandra Lee Breaks Out of Jail! »
Comments (22)
EdHill, trolling for Christmas presents. Next time the Connecticut TVGasm assembly hit the streets they need to shoot me an e-mail. Kay?
1 of 22 | Posted by Lizardqueen | Posted on November 24, 2005 1:13 PM
Wow, I too have always wondered about his wife and child. His daughter looks just like him. Her expression in that photo is priceless.
PS That Hasselhoff picture is truly disturbing. Poor, poor puppies.
2 of 22 | Posted by Lauren | Posted on November 24, 2005 2:16 PM
That Hasselhoff pic is not only disturbing, but I believe it's illegal.
EdHill, I am inspired and shall try to catch this show, if there's time between all the crap I watch.
3 of 22 | Posted by ATCmurph | Posted on November 24, 2005 4:38 PM
For what it's worth:
I love you too EdHill, but I'm not buying you shit!
4 of 22 | Posted by Dana | Posted on November 24, 2005 6:32 PM
You know, this evening we had a turkey I brined for 12 hours following Alton's specifications. I even roasted it just like he says but guess what? It didn't taste any better than the other turkeys that I've stuffed (a no, no for him, Giada and Emeril) roasted and basted (a no no for Alton). It wasn't bad but no noticeable improvement.
All that effort and ingredients when I could have just followed Giada's recipe, without the sexual massaging of the turkey, of course.
5 of 22 | Posted by jmchez | Posted on November 24, 2005 9:45 PM
I absolutely love AB also. I got to meet him once when he did a demo at the culinary school I attend. He was VERY particular about how he wanted his demo table set up.
I was still excited to meet him, I was giddy as a school girl!
6 of 22 | Posted by cary | Posted on November 24, 2005 11:02 PM
I realized recently what it is that I can't stand about Alton. Can we have a count of exactly how many times he says "uh" to fill in his anal retentiveness? I watched about 2 minutes yesterday and couldn't stand it anymore. I just hadn't been able to put my finger on what it was that bothered me so much. Just my opinion.
7 of 22 | Posted by RealityTV4Me | Posted on November 25, 2005 6:36 AM
Good Eats is my favorite show PERIOD. Alton can be there or replaced, its the format that is awesome. And Good Eats is the one show where everything I have tried has come out perfect and better than I expected. Even my 3 year old will stop in the middle of the living room and watch the entire program. The only other thing he does that with is the Backyardigans.
Things I have made:
Mac and Cheese. Best ever.
Coq au Vin. Unbelievable
Smoked pork shoulder (including the "ghetto" terra-cotta smoker w/ hot-plate. Best BBQ, even his mustard and sweet pickle juice sauce is fantastic.
Waffles. Best ever.
Pickled beets. Yes, beets. And they were great.
"Power Bars". Phenomenal.
That's all I can think of right now...you get the point.
8 of 22 | Posted by Mullethead | Posted on November 25, 2005 11:46 AM
I'm laughing my ass off. I came across this guy (not in the porn way) a few days ago when he was making gravy.
I said to my wife, who agreed, "this guy is a dork, but very compelling!"
We watched the rest of the show, remote not in hand. Weird. I thought only Canada's CBC show "Wok With Yan" could have that power!
9 of 22 | Posted by Lew | Posted on November 25, 2005 12:41 PM
Oh, and my lovely bride used his roux tips to make her first ever "home made" gravy. It was freaking AWESOME.
A good half hour spent. Make that an hour... One half watching, one half eating.
10 of 22 | Posted by Lew | Posted on November 25, 2005 12:44 PM
What a cute little family Photo
11 of 22 | Posted by Hes1223 | Posted on November 25, 2005 3:50 PM
I think I need to download the mac and cheese recipe.
12 of 22 | Posted by Dana | Posted on November 25, 2005 8:44 PM
I, too, had a hard time remembering all that AB said so I created the Good Eats Fan Page http://www.goodeatsfanpage.com. In it, you can read just about every transcript of the show and read tons of other information about its creation, AB and Good Eats.
Stop by our message board for a chat.
Mikemenn, #1 Good Eats Afcionado
13 of 22 | Posted by Michael Menninger | Posted on November 25, 2005 8:51 PM
kudos EdHill - great review. to #5 I brined my turkey and it came out perfectly. It's not the taste that he is going after, it's the moistness of the breast meat, which is usually dry, that he is trying to avoid by the brine.
My favorite AB moment is when he is preparing pickles with his evil twin brother. Classic.
14 of 22 | Posted by trinitron | Posted on November 25, 2005 11:30 PM
Brown's pot roast recipe, containing such disparate ingredients as tomatoes, balsamic vinegar, cocktail olives and raisens, is to. die. for. The only thing is, he's fixated on 325 degrees as a cooking temp, which I find is too low. (Of course, he's got a state of the art stove, and I have a piece of junk. Nevermind.)
15 of 22 | Posted by gidget bananas | Posted on November 27, 2005 7:38 PM
Just saw his Standing rib show again....drooled through the whole thing again...went and got my butcher to sell me something good and it will be dinner on tuesday. I could cook before...but AB has taught me how to improvise and be more creative...OH!! his pouches series rocks too! great article...sending it to my b-day invite list...dvds!
16 of 22 | Posted by Ari | Posted on November 27, 2005 10:55 PM
ok, first, i swear his daughter was in an episode once- she was still a baby; he was talking about honey and how you should never never give it to little kids and he held up a little girl for a sec- i think it was her. i am so crazy. i don't even cook...
17 of 22 | Posted by elizabeth | Posted on November 28, 2005 10:18 AM
One year before Thanksgiving, my family and I were sitting around, hemming and hawing over what to do with the turkey. We're not crazy about turkey stuffing or any of that craziness, so when we happened to catch Alton Brown on Good Eats recommending a brine, we decided to give it a try. We haven't ever had a turkey any other way since. It's so damn good!
18 of 22 | Posted by Shimmy-Shea | Posted on November 28, 2005 1:06 PM
Michael Menninger (# 13) I have used youre website numerous times in the past. Great site.
19 of 22 | Posted by EdHill | Posted on November 28, 2005 1:20 PM
Alton, thank you very much for teaching me how to make eggs. For me, eggs use to be an easy dish. Now it have to get 100 new gadgets and spend 2 hours in the kitchen to make your eggs. Wow, you're great. And that old scientist looks like this lady maria I use to know. Her husband is dead, but she use to take a bath in the kitchen. She was gross.
20 of 22 | Posted by Peter | Posted on November 29, 2005 8:52 AM
Yes, the Good Eats Fan Page is wonderful (#13). And yes, Elizabeth (#17), his daughter was in the honey episode. We asked him when we saw him at his "I'm Just Here for More Food" book signing. We tend to think of Good Eats as Mr. Wizard in the kitchen. Our 6 year old loves it, too. Even when I don't necessarily use his recipes, the theory behind what he's doing is often helpful, and watching the show has impacted my whole cooking style. Yes, there is a salt cellar with kosher salt next to my stove.
And, among the many things we've made, we have a flower pot smoker on our deck :-)
21 of 22 | Posted by Em Baisch
|
Posted on November 30, 2005 12:14 PM
I love Alton. More than any one on that network. I want to meet him but I think if I did I'd give him a big hug and not let go. He is yummy ;-)
22 of 22 | Posted by Tara A | Posted on December 13, 2005 4:43 PM