Testimonials

And why are there so many salad dressings on the table? Ok, let me calm down. I'm starting to sound like Unique. Sonja "Smack-a-Ho" Norwood begins her line of questioning.

No Momma Norwood. No one's as 'special' as you with your beady eyes and fivehead. Cocktail says that he's great, really great and he has a great family. And she's great for him. Unique says she's old school (ok we get it, no head!) and Ray makes her laugh when they play hide-and-go get it. Then the creepfest begins. Daddy Do Right asks if the girls would leave their man if he was incapacitated. They say no but that's not good enough for Momma Norwood. She wants Ray home with him or else he'll be mistreated. With Ray's penchant for homemade films, I guess there is a chance he'll be tied to the bed and beaten a la James Caan. The girls all look more disinterested than usual once they realize Sonja is a beast and then she tells us that she's the Queen of Snap Judgements.

Oh really?

That being said, Momma asks to have one on one time with the girls. I thought she only needed 30 seconds? Unique has her convo and tells Momma that she sings on the church choir. They must not get through any hymns with this chick choking all the time.

Unique tells Momma how crazy Danger is and Momma just laughs and laughs in that 'special' way until she starts to think that Unique is onto something. Cocktail basically says nothing because she's so intimidated and tongue tied. Then she tells Momma how crazy Danger is. All of a sudden, bitch can talk! Danger comes in and explains that she's emotional because her period is coming. That's always a great intro! Danger also reveals that when she was a baby, a 12 year old came over and punched her in the face. I wonder if that 12 year old had a really strong temporary tiger tattoo on his knuckles. Danger concludes the talk with admitting that her mind plays tricks on her. Damn,damn, damn!! C'mon Danger, you never open with periods and you certainly don't close with mental illness. Although this did seem to make Momma feel at home.

Ray talks to his parents. Daddy 'Do Me' picks Danger, Cocktail and Unique (in that order). Momma picksnone of them.None of them are good enough for her son!!! I think we found our Kathy Bates to Ray J's James Caan. Momma hates Danger the most because Ray won't be safe, Unique because she won't be true and Cocktail because she had no other choice. Ray's dad then makes the smartest decision a married man could ever make.