Damn, Damn, Damn!! Ray has completely stepped in it at this point. That mother is a piece of work and thank God. In Danger's absence, we needed something to keep this train wreck moving full speed ahead. Ray and Unique's mom have a talk and she lets him know that her daughter is not to be used. She understands his lifestyle but wants Ray to leave her alone if he doesn't have the right intentions. Good Mom! Ray leaves Unique and heads out to Sacramento to meet up with Cocktail.
Ray arrives in Sacramento and heads to Cocktail's home. She explains that he doesn't have to worry about her parents grilling him and asking what his intentions are with her. Ok, so your family doesn't care if a midget R&B singer uses you for sex and ratings and then dumps you on the reunion show so he can do it all over again next year. Glad we straightened that out Cocktail. They immediately do shots and then we discover that Cocktail's mom does not speak English. Oh hell no! You know they talkin about his ass.
Few points to make. 1) Why are Cocktail and her mom serving dinner? Cocktail said she danced to put her brother through culinary school. I'm sure they had at least one class on serving dinner AFTER you cook it. 2) Why did Ray say he "speaky no Spanish?" Why do people mess up their English to show that they can not speak another language? That's like speaking really loudly to blind people. 3) Why did the family serve goat? When you have guests, serve basic chicken or beef. 4) Why did Ray J get really gay when Cocktail said her mom wants millions of grandkids?
Ray enjoyed Cocktail's family but did not feel as comfortable as he did at Unique's house. He says goodbye to Cheech and family and flies off to Vegas for the last leg of the competition. Unique is waiting in the suite and the chicken cutlets are hanging out again. This can not be over soon enough. Unique begins to brag about how romantic and sweet her date was yesterday. Then she brags about the private plane. Dumbass, y'all both got a free flight. Calm down. 
I used to work at KFC and we buttered our biscuits with a brush.
When they came out with the tender roast sandwich, we buttered the ckicken with the same brush.
Memories of a simpler time. Larry Fink, PR director for the Palms, comes into the suite to escort Unique to her date. Larry Fink is one of the shadiest names I've ever heard. He sounds like a porn director or better yet - Chicago Larry! Let me find out... Anyway, Unique heads out and she's like a new woman. She's caling Ray her man and taunting Cocktail but Cocktail's not falling for it.
On their date, Unique tells Ray that she kinda liked him but now she really likes him. Ray says she seems surprised that she likes him and she admits that she is. The premise of this show is to find love so the surprise came in at what point? Unique slips back into her old habits for a moment and tells Ray that she don't need no man to complete her and she never had to work for a man and she's not gonna start now. Dammit! Then they head up to Ray's room. Now we're getting somewhere. Ray plies her with more champagne and he feeds her strawberries. I hate being fed. It seems like you always have to open your mouth larger than normal except not in a cute way.
Ray starts kissing Unique and she's still running her mouth. Then they end up on the bed with Unique letting out a huge, unattractive guffaw. I can only assume that they cut to commercial as a result of Ray yelling "Cut" and having the director send in her quieter, sexier, butterier stunt double.
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Comments (12)
I hear the reunion will be 2 hours...lol. Just kidding!
1 of 12 | Posted by Tadow | Posted on April 23, 2009 3:57 AM
There will be a reunion cuz it's in my DVR schedule, but I haven't seen any commercials (which means no one catches a beat down. Boo!)
I was pissed at Willie for sending Danger home, too, cuz I really needed to see her family. After that, the whole show just was zzzzz.
2 of 12 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on April 23, 2009 5:15 AM
I saw the reunion preview. Both Danger and Unique have the tackiest weaves! Hoping for a bitch fight.
3 of 12 | Posted by MsssM | Posted on April 23, 2009 7:39 AM
Funny you mention Unique's walk my husband said the same thing. Personally I hoped he would have choosen Unique,,,just to see his mama and her mama battle it out.
4 of 12 | Posted by meloveT | Posted on April 23, 2009 10:07 AM
I must say thank you L Boogie. In just the first minute of me reading this, with the whole part about meeting Danger's family members Caution and Warning, I was already laughing hysterically. Which caused me to forget that I have a 10 page paper due in two days. It also caused the several people around me to give me evil eye and slowly move away from my area. Thank you.
5 of 12 | Posted by congratsmeathead | Posted on April 23, 2009 1:22 PM
I live in Sacramento. Where can I find that 'Danger' chick?? She seems like a party and a half...
Never watched the show. I saw the preview and some clips on the Soup, it looked terrible. Thanks so much for recapping it into something good!
xoxo
6 of 12 | Posted by Nemesiis | Posted on April 23, 2009 1:24 PM
Very funny recap, L Boogie!
About Cocktail and her mom serving dinner, I think that might be a cultural thing. I'm Costa Rican and Cuban, and the woman in my family do the exact same thing. Even at small dinner parties, I literally serve everyone because that's what my mother's always done. It's really strange because I've never even thought about it before now. It must be a Latin woman thing.
Oh, your comment about how people messing up their English to show that they can not speak another language is exactly like speaking real loud to blind people - Golden! So, true!
7 of 12 | Posted by mamatl | Posted on April 23, 2009 8:10 PM
mamatl:
Honestly, the women always end up serving in our family too but I needed to vent :-)
8 of 12 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on April 25, 2009 6:23 PM
Nemesiis:
Something tells me you won't have to look too far for Danger. Judging by the show, she's easily accessible. Thanks for reading and if you catch up to her, record everything!
9 of 12 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on April 25, 2009 6:27 PM
congratsmeathead:
You laughed your memory out? I would have loved to see that! And ignore those studious losers. They may know fancy words and definitions, but you know Ray J's real name :-).
10 of 12 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on April 25, 2009 6:30 PM
meloveT:
The moms should get a spinoff; start a petition-stat!
11 of 12 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on April 25, 2009 6:32 PM
here4beer:
I was actually angry, and clearly bored, watching the rest of the episode once Danger left. I shut my computer off and refused to type in a show of solidarity! That lasted about 2 hours. Hopefully the reunion will provide some Dang-tastic moments.
12 of 12 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on April 25, 2009 6:34 PM