The next morning my suspicions are confirmed. Unique's hair is still firmly spackled down and she is fully dressed, chicken cutlets untouched and all. He says to her that she still looks good and he enjoyed "resting" with her. Of course in his interview, he acts like a typical man and insinuates that more happened by saying they released a lot of tension. Even Cocktail wasn't fooled. She says that they clearly didn't do anything because Unique is still put together. Cocktail can't resist taking a shot at our favorite buttered bitch and calls her a slut puppy. I'd go back to the drawing board with that one. It's not insulting enough and it doesn't help that she's singing the words slut puppy to the tune of the "hot pockets" jingle. Unique refuses to answer whether she had sex or not and they both agree that they hate when he goes out with another girl. Cocktail practices for her upcoming date.
Cocktail's strategy is to wear as little as possible and have as much sex as possible. Cocktail and Ray talk about her need to have a man complete her. She explains that she's happier in a relationship but she's not needy. Then she starts crying - again. She wants to be the perfect girl for him and it seems like she's the one to pick. She's so desperate for love she'll do any-damn-thing Ray! As usual, Cocktail badmouths Unique and tells how she made Ray leave 'Ray J' at the door of her mom's house and bring Willie. I wouldn't want to bring a Willie into my mom's house. It just sounds dirty.
Cocktail then says one of those things that makes me want to jump through the TV. She says that Unique wouldn't be able to deal with Ray J the star, "the rapper." WTF? Every black person in entertainment isn't a rapper. How are you trying to date someone and you don't even know what he does for a living. Ray doesn't even rhyme when he sings!! For example "Sexy can I? Just pardon my manners." See? Doesn't rhyme. That's like Ray saying "Hi Cocktail's dad the illegal immigrant." You can't just pick out a stereotype and run with it. I'm kinda hoping he boinks her and picks the other chick like Flav and Bret Michaels always do. Sorry I got a little Omarosa-y for a moment but it's annoying.
Anyway, Ray takes her to the room and I love the juxtaposition of the two dates. Ray has lingerie laid out for Cocktail instead of dessert. Even he knows you have to keep Unique fed to keep her happy.
So I look at the clock, it's 10:57PM and I'm assuming that this is going to be one really short elimintaion ceremony. Then I press my info button and I simultameousy realize that we have a half hour left. NOOOO!!!! This night just keeps getting worse. So Cocktail puts on her slutty outfit and dances in Ray's shower which has a stripper pole. Either I'm old fashioned or this is just so disrespectful. He's basically acknowledging that he's out to get some chola ass and won't stop at anything to get it. Ray watches Cocktail dance in the shower, bangs on the wall like a fool at a zoo exhibit and then decides to jump in with her. He turns on the water (OMG, I know her lashes came off) and they give us a very steamy shower scene. As old fashioned as I am, I'm glad Cocktail's a shameless skank cuz this is some hot stuff.
The next morning, Cocktail goes back to her suite as disheveled as Unique was un-sheveled. Unique acts like she wants to hear details but she knows she doesn't want to hear all of that. Unique then calls Ray her sloppy seconds. Unique just STFU, please! Ray sends a note that he's sending them shopping. The dress selection is kind of lame if you ask me but if it's free it's for me. Meanwhile, Ray thinks about his pending decision on the roof of the resort. We all know that the roof is the best place to make important decisions.
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Comments (12)
I hear the reunion will be 2 hours...lol. Just kidding!
1 of 12 | Posted by Tadow | Posted on April 23, 2009 3:57 AM
There will be a reunion cuz it's in my DVR schedule, but I haven't seen any commercials (which means no one catches a beat down. Boo!)
I was pissed at Willie for sending Danger home, too, cuz I really needed to see her family. After that, the whole show just was zzzzz.
2 of 12 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on April 23, 2009 5:15 AM
I saw the reunion preview. Both Danger and Unique have the tackiest weaves! Hoping for a bitch fight.
3 of 12 | Posted by MsssM | Posted on April 23, 2009 7:39 AM
Funny you mention Unique's walk my husband said the same thing. Personally I hoped he would have choosen Unique,,,just to see his mama and her mama battle it out.
4 of 12 | Posted by meloveT | Posted on April 23, 2009 10:07 AM
I must say thank you L Boogie. In just the first minute of me reading this, with the whole part about meeting Danger's family members Caution and Warning, I was already laughing hysterically. Which caused me to forget that I have a 10 page paper due in two days. It also caused the several people around me to give me evil eye and slowly move away from my area. Thank you.
5 of 12 | Posted by congratsmeathead | Posted on April 23, 2009 1:22 PM
I live in Sacramento. Where can I find that 'Danger' chick?? She seems like a party and a half...
Never watched the show. I saw the preview and some clips on the Soup, it looked terrible. Thanks so much for recapping it into something good!
xoxo
6 of 12 | Posted by Nemesiis | Posted on April 23, 2009 1:24 PM
Very funny recap, L Boogie!
About Cocktail and her mom serving dinner, I think that might be a cultural thing. I'm Costa Rican and Cuban, and the woman in my family do the exact same thing. Even at small dinner parties, I literally serve everyone because that's what my mother's always done. It's really strange because I've never even thought about it before now. It must be a Latin woman thing.
Oh, your comment about how people messing up their English to show that they can not speak another language is exactly like speaking real loud to blind people - Golden! So, true!
7 of 12 | Posted by mamatl | Posted on April 23, 2009 8:10 PM
mamatl:
Honestly, the women always end up serving in our family too but I needed to vent :-)
8 of 12 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on April 25, 2009 6:23 PM
Nemesiis:
Something tells me you won't have to look too far for Danger. Judging by the show, she's easily accessible. Thanks for reading and if you catch up to her, record everything!
9 of 12 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on April 25, 2009 6:27 PM
congratsmeathead:
You laughed your memory out? I would have loved to see that! And ignore those studious losers. They may know fancy words and definitions, but you know Ray J's real name :-).
10 of 12 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on April 25, 2009 6:30 PM
meloveT:
The moms should get a spinoff; start a petition-stat!
11 of 12 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on April 25, 2009 6:32 PM
here4beer:
I was actually angry, and clearly bored, watching the rest of the episode once Danger left. I shut my computer off and refused to type in a show of solidarity! That lasted about 2 hours. Hopefully the reunion will provide some Dang-tastic moments.
12 of 12 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on April 25, 2009 6:34 PM