Well ladies and gents, this is how it all ends. The cast of For the Love of Ray J, I'm gonna be presumptuous and say "season one", has gathered to recap the season, update us on all their comings and goings and provide closure to those of us who have nothing better to do. A moment of silence for our social lives. And now, VH1 presents the reunion for which they've barely shown commercials!!
Our host for the reunion is LaLa Vasquez, my favorite housewife. She started off as a lowly MTV personality, then had a kid or two with fiance Carmelo Anthony. Now she resurfaces 2-3 times a year for a reunion. I love that she comes back even though she doesn't need the money but why does that Ricky Rabbit guy always do the the Rock of Love reunions? It's cool but it's weird how VH1 clearly draws a color line with these shows. I would love to see Ricky do a Flavor/Ray J of Love reunion; LaLa would probably just walk off the stage of a Rock of Love reunion. Anyhost, all the girls are back and I only remember 70% of them.
LaLa wastes no time and brings Stiltz up to the stage. Stiltz was the married giraffe. They replay a clip of Stiltz basically getting angry with Ray because he let a little thing like her marriage get in the way of their relationship. That's the problem with men; they are so narrow minded. Stiltz says that she went on the dating show because she's young and she wanted to see if the grass was greener. We are off to a great start folks. You're supposed to check out all the bushes and grass and trees before you get married. Not after all the paperwork is signed! Then she says it was an experiment.
Stiltz keeps trying to defend her decision because she just doesn't think it's a big deal. One of the 30 percenters, Hot Cocoa, says that Stiltz was wrong and the Stiltz says that Hot Cocoa shouldn't talk because she had a boyfriend at the time. Hot Cocoa says she wasn't married so she gets to sow her "royal oats." Royal oats? That sounds like a British oatmeal. Better yet, it sounds like a line from a 1980s film staring Eddie Murphy, Eddie Murphy and Eddie Murphy. Five imaginary bucks to anyone who knows what it is. Ray brings up the marriage again and she says to Ray that we all know how he rolls and that shut his behind up for the most part. He did confirm that he doesn't mess with married mammals.
Next up is Caviar. She infamously spent most of her time on the phone with her photographer/manager Chicago Larry. They show a clip of Ray giving her the name Caviar and she says "In Russia, you eat that on your richest days." Yeah bitch, that's kinda how caviar works in America too. Caviar defends her butchery of the English language by saying that she wasn't trying to communicate with the girls and she preferred to use her body to get close to Ray. Then she gives us a demonstration.
Ray says that she only gave him one sexy dance right before the elimination and he wasn't fooled by her act. Ray also says that Caviar called him too short, not the rapper but his height, but he saw her online with Bobby Valentino. I was thinking the same thing when I saw them together! In case you don't know, Bobby is about 4'11 so this was kinda funny.
Chicago Larry comes out and basically thanks Ray for the exposure. Ray pats himself on the back and blames Caviar for everything even though Chicago Larry encouraged her to go along with the whole shenanigan. I was a little disappointed; Chicage Larry didn't even do the voice. I'm sticking with my original image of Chicago Larry; he was more fun.
« Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Wrestlemania | Main | The Unusuals: 42 (The Meaning of Life?) »
Comments (10)
Is it Coming to America for the five imaginary dollars? It was so just on encore this week...
1 of 10 | Posted by patchfire | Posted on May 1, 2009 2:37 PM
patchfire:
You win! It's actually on Comedy Central right now. It just passed the "royal oats" part. Thanks for playing, enjoy the cash ;-).
2 of 10 | Posted by L Boogie
|
Posted on May 1, 2009 5:22 PM
Coming to America was totally my answer...is there no consolation prize? :(
In other news, thanks for recapping this lovely show.
Is it bad that I'm kind of hoping for season 2?
I love the Ray-Jisms.
3 of 10 | Posted by Aquaria2291 | Posted on May 1, 2009 7:12 PM
I meant like...the stuff that Ray-J says, not the jism of Ray-J.
4 of 10 | Posted by Aquaria2291 | Posted on May 1, 2009 7:13 PM
Thanks for recaping this I didn't watch it because, well, the finale was upsetting with the lack of Danger winning. There is quite alot of sex with animals in these recaps lately. In the real world/road rules challenge, evan was doing sheep, and here we have ray-j and giraffes possibly mating? It's a Sick Sad World. 10 imaginary bucks to L Boogie if you know what Sick Sad World is from.
5 of 10 | Posted by congratsmeathead | Posted on May 1, 2009 9:10 PM
congratsmeathead:
Sick Sad World is totally from Daria. Woo-hoo, I'm gonna buy me some hot goat sex; take that Evan! They just showed the Daria movie on MTV a few days ago. What a coincidence...or maybe you watched it too :-).
6 of 10 | Posted by L Boogie
|
Posted on May 2, 2009 4:47 AM
This reunion was a total snoozefest, but how hot did Danger look?
Thanks for recapping this, L Boogie, and making it entertaining! See you next season!!
7 of 10 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on May 2, 2009 5:19 AM
I was hoping So Hood would have her time to confront Cocktail about Cocktail making her look so crazy on the elimination day that she walked out of the house.... besides the eventual Unique/Danger fight, that's what I wanted to see.... Maybe So Hood was actually crazy, but so what? She was just going based on false info.
8 of 10 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on May 2, 2009 9:36 AM
L boogie I already loved this show, but your recaps made it ten times better hopefully you'll recap the next real chance of love or some other vh1 trainwreck. I never comment but the knocked up reference had me roflmao so I had to tell you what a good job you have done. Also why did anyone fail to mention that Stiltz was a porn star just sayin.
9 of 10 | Posted by vh1junkie | Posted on May 2, 2009 9:49 AM
I doubt there will be a season 2 since Tila Tequila has a video online claiming her and Ray J are now dating.
10 of 10 | Posted by afrorican | Posted on May 9, 2009 1:36 PM