Ray catches us up from last season and tells us that Cocktail was the best girl in the house last season but she wasn't the girl for him. I believed this the first two times Flavor Flav did it and the first time New York did it but now I think these "stars" just keep coming back for the free booze, easy sex and $30,000 per episode. Anyone else with me? Let's meet the girls. I'll include pictures later once they're all suitably degraded with trivial nicknames.

First up is Bethany. She thinks that Ray is "so cute" and is also wearing Seinfeld's puffy shirt.

Sharmisa, the resident hoodrat, has perfected the art of the neck roll; she can roll and threaten at the same time. She says that she wants Ray J so bad that she can already taste his lips. Quick heads up: you've probably already tasted them through the VH1 three degrees of separation.

Franshelle...let's just say that she's a cheeseburger away from being eliminated. Alison doesn't get starstruck because she dated Tyson Beckford. I'm thinking she's Giuliana DePandi Rancic in a Big Momma suit. I, for one, am so glad she's not a groupie anymore. Now she's just an obnoxious name dropper. Alison says she attracts celebrities because of the way she carries herself and can't help it. I suppose I could attract celebrities too if my thighs never met each other. Susanna is really excited to see Lil'B (Ray J's godsister and groupie sorter outer) because she's "so cute". I must admit that I've missed Lil'B too. No one can start a sentence with "your man" the way Lil'B does.

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Leila is this season's "Caviar." Another woman with a completely ridiculous accent that will probably require subtitles. I didn't sign up for reading class VH1!!! Leila can't believe the house and rhetorically asks if she's on MTV Cribs. Please note that she is saying this in full Pepe LePew accent.

Hana says that everytime she sees Lil B, she's on TV.

Either she can't take the pressure or she's menopausal.

So what if she used to bartend at Studio 54?