Woo hoo! Your man Ray J is back. A week without Ray J is like waiting a week for test results. You know that really important test that you retake several times because the results could mean the end of life as you know it. The test that makes you start thinking of all the meaningless sex you've had and how it could have ultimately ruined you. Those really important test results that could change the course of your entire life. You know what I'm talking about. The SAT! Well never fear, the skanks are here and they bought a little friend too.
This weeks episode opens with Cocktail and Chardonnay playing cricket or some other sport involving a really high net and a racket. Chardonnay doesn't realize that this is one sport that doesn't involve laying on her back.
The girls then proceed to have a dance party of sorts.
The Mute can't participate in the dance contest.
The Mute grows a pair (of vocal chords) and reveals what we have all been waiting for: Cocktail was on The Bad Girls Club and she played the role of a golddigger.
Am I the only one who found it hilarious that as the eery music is playing and The Mute is calling her out they show Cocktail doing this?
And this
The Mute, aka Cashmere, wants to rat her out and goes to Unique with the info. Now I'm no rockin' scientist but Unique has a chronic choking problem and cost her entire team a date with Ray J, just last episode. Unique will gladly use Cashmere for the purpose of getting Cocktail out of the house and agrees that Ray needs to know.
Lil B is back, hooray! But effin' Ray J comes in and takes over the announcement! Doesn't he know that I personally look forward to Lil B's mutant features and smoker's voice each week?! This week, the girl's have to show Ray J one of their talents so that he can connect with what the girls like to do.
The winner will also get a date with Ray. Lil' B hands out books so the girls can get whatever materials they need. They're even kind enough to give the Future Babies' Mommas of America a picture book to avoid the hassle of reading.
Our Miami party girl, Feisty, has no clue what to do because she is only passionate about "having a couple of drinks."
Cocktail decides to play basketball with Ray J. All of the girls agree, and Cocktail admits, that she's not even into it but she wants to do what he likes. Cocktail tells Ray that they're going to play basketball. Ray is not impressed.
Then she explains that the loser has to take off the winner's choice article of clothing whenever they miss.
And then Ray J drops one of his tasteful comments. And I quote.....
The next date is with Feisty, our resident alcoholic. Turns out Feisty is also passionate about exercise and being licked.
Feisty shares with us that she feels Ray J is "into her physically".
Ray wants to know if Feisty is more than a party girl so he asks her if she's ever had a threesome. Feisty-licious says she attempted a threesome but it never went through because the girl began throwing up. That's gotta be in the Top 10 things I'd never admit to anyone.
Lil B escorts Ray to his date with The Mute.
Cashmere steps up her game and ask Ray J, in a complicated series of blinks, to take pictures of her modeling. Ray J misinterprets a coupe of blinks and begins undressing.
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Comments (8)
I will give you $5 if you audition for this shit.
Also, this made me LOL so hard (again!): "The winner gets to buy me a bigger sweatshirt."
L Boogie, you are a gem.
1 of 8 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on March 20, 2009 3:51 PM
Actually, they posted on the VH1 Blog that those cast announcements are fake (and they also said they at least like to wait until the couple breaks up during the reunion to cast for the next season...LOL) Apparently the guy holding the "castings" is doing so by scheduled appointments and they say beware. What a creep!
2 of 8 | Posted by serjen | Posted on March 20, 2009 7:11 PM
I caught the final 5-10 minutes of this and was shocked at how little Ray J and the women cared about the elimination ceremony. First of all, there was no suspense - he just handed them the glass. Second of all, there was no elimination, a contestant just walked off. While I'm glad that most of the women cleaned up nicely for the final ceremony and wore actual clothes, compared to ROL, I felt Chardonnay was ready to leave with her i-don't-care-hair contrasted with how gorgeous it looked in the camfessional.
I wish VH1/MTV would just admit that their 'celeb'reality isn't about 'love' but about creating soft-porn hookup shows for has-beens and never-beens. While I hated that I found RJ attractive while watching, I laughed when he mentioned Cocktail was used to fame, like him. Um, being Brandy's talentless little brother, making sex tapes & dating women far more talented doesn't make you famous, just a fame whore. But, hey, he does have the TV show ;)
3 of 8 | Posted by anicho01@netzero.com | Posted on March 21, 2009 6:49 PM
I don't think I've ever read one of your recaps before, but I guess I will start. It was hilarious:)
4 of 8 | Posted by dangerdarling | Posted on March 22, 2009 5:48 PM
danger darling:
Thanks! I need all the help I can get. I'm looking to increase my readership to 6 people! A girl can dream....:-)
5 of 8 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on March 23, 2009 3:47 AM
anicho01:
This is the most nonchalant group of people ever gathered for a reality show. I do like the fact that it's SLIGHTLY classier than the other shows i.e. Double Shot at Love and Rock of Love. I had the biggest crush on Ray J when he was on the sitcom Sinbad. I still think he's cute too, so don't fight the feeling!
6 of 8 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on March 23, 2009 4:04 AM
serjen:
Yes! I thought it sounded shady because you had to send your info and then they'd call you. I also thought that it was strange that they didn't wait until the couple broke up. Usually they have open calls...embarassingly enough, I've looked into it before but only for the free trip, I swear!
7 of 8 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on March 23, 2009 4:09 AM
here4beer:
Thanks buddy! I will totally take you up on the $5.00. Chardonnay can take me shopping for a new wardrobe! Once I get the real casting info, I'll follow up...don't back out on the deal!
8 of 8 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on March 23, 2009 4:11 AM