This week's episode opens with Ray J, The Cowardly Lion and the Mute waking up on the floor together. I guess this show's budget was eaten up by Tool Academy. Even that cast gets to share an actual bed with their girlfriend once in a while. Oh well, any episode that opens like this has to be good.
"Remember last night when you poked me like this?"
Danger gets up early to start her disinfection routine and is astonished to find Unique on the floor with Ray J because Unique always claims that she is such a f*&%#n lady. Lil' Hood wakes up a few of the other girls to tell them about the sleepover and it goes a lil' something like this.
And Feisty says
"Yo, where I'm from it's not dope to sleep with two girls, straight up. We do drink hard lemonade at 9 AM and wear shades in the house though. Homie."
Lil' Hood doesn't understand this because she and Ray J have had good chemistry. She takes a smoke break to figure things out.
"I feel like Tupac straight up. It's just me against the world, na mean?"
Meanwhile, Stacks calls her father who has cancer and is going through chemo. He asks her when she's coming home and we don't get to hear her answer but I think we all know what's coming. I feel so badly for her and I've been there myself but I'm also hoping that this isn't a very special episode, a la Diff'rent Strokes, for the sake of this recap.
"Tonight, on a very special Diff'rent Strokes, Mr. Horton becomes a man."
My dreams come true when Lil'B steps back on the scene.
"You're man is this short...."
"...so I put the condoms on the mantle where he can't reach them."
"Yes!"
"Our baby's hair is gonna be this big."
So we get another message from Ray J and he appears to be laying on a bed and is holding the camera himself and it just hit me that I am an idiot. He always tapes these messages himself doesn't he? It's like an homage to his sex tape and how it was filmed. Wow, Ray J's deep.
"You're man IS deep and he likes to be tickled with this finger."
The girls are so incredibly UN-enthusiastic that I'm beginning to wonder if I'm really watching a VH1 dating show. My hopes for a great episode are dwindling until they pull up at the Glendale Fighting Club.
"Your man just got his balls tickled."
Ray promptly breaks them up into their respective cliques. Unique, Cashmere, Feisty and Stacks are on the Blue Team. Cocktail, Danger, Chardonnay and Lil' Hood are on the Pink Team. Unique is scared of Danger and I sense that we will bear witness to yet another CHOKE! But after seeing the way Danger is looking at her, I'm not so sure I blame Unique.
"What kind of idiot gets a tatoo on their hat?"
After Ray J announces the team he drops a bit of Southern folklore on the audience:
"You could hear a rat piss on cotton."
I love how I don't have to make up any of his quotes. He also said this:
"If the shoe don't fit, it ain't your shoe."
And this:
"Fish don't fry in the kitchen, beans don't burn on the grill."
And
"You still hiding stuff from me on the mantle?!"
The girls go through training which is mostly uneventful except we get find out that Feisty does not know her left from her right.
Don't worry about Feisty though. I'm sure Danger has the answer tattooed on her face somewhere. In the first round, Lil' Hood knocks Feisty down but Feisty gets back up and jabs Lil' Hood. Ray J declares Feisty the winner, even though she got knocked down. I think Ray just didn't want to be alone with Lil' Hood on another date.
Before the second round, Unique speads her chokiness through the whole team and tries to get all of them to choke too. I think we need a little help from the crowd.
CHOKE! CHOKE! CHOKE!
Thanks tlicious420. Unique admits in the confessional/interview that's she's scared of Danger but tells Ray J she won't fight because she's a lady. Unique easily talks Stacks into quitting and understandably so because of Stacks' family situation. But what's the Mute's problem? Seriously. I really suspect that there's a slight impairment there. Not that there's anything wrong with that. So the Blue Team throws in the towel and Feisty is mad!
Don't worry, it'll get used later tonight.
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Comments (8)
I didn't know this show was being recapped. Thank God bcuz I didn't wanna have to watch it myself.
Good job LBoogie.
At this point, are they just going to the local strip club and rounding up vh1 reality show contestants?
1 of 8 | Posted by BlahBlah | Posted on March 9, 2009 10:32 PM
Yet again, great recap! Plus, you always have the good gossip about the girls!
2 of 8 | Posted by MrsBojangles | Posted on March 10, 2009 5:55 AM
"What kind of idiot gets a tatoo on their hat?"
this made me LOL so effing hard! Great recap again, L Boog.
Also, I totally had that Cross Colours shirt. Don't judge me... it was the 80s.
3 of 8 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on March 10, 2009 6:55 AM
You've done it again, L Boogie!
I kinda hated to see Lil Hood leave since I loved her weekly meltdowns. Babygirl had the very special ability to play a game of telephone all by herself. She managed to take a conversation she was a part of and then twist the shit out of it until it was completely something else.
I am also amazed how uninterested these chicks are in "winning" over our fun-sized Romeo. Even Real and Chance from Real Chance of love got breakfast...without having to yell for it!!
But Ray J himself doesn't seem too into finding love either. This show is not doing anything for me. Where are the false professions of love? Where are the nasty girls who sneak into his room for some boom-boom. Oh, wait, that was Danger and her fertile ovaries.
I needs me MORE. At least your recaps give me a reason to watch this snooze fest and I can save money on Tylenol P.M.
Peace out, yo! (there's a lil Lil Hood in all of us)
4 of 8 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on March 10, 2009 8:07 PM
uglycutie:
Yes!! I'm gonna miss her crazy behind too. Who else is gonna bring just the right amount of crazy to Monday nights? LOL @ "take a conversation she was a part of and then twist the shit out of it until it was completely something else." Even Ray J told her she was lost in her thoughts; he seemed genuinely concerned for her sanity. Oh yeah, Danger has retracted her pregnancy claim and says she is not pregnant...now. I think the cast has picked up where you left off on the Tylenol P.M; they seem so f'in bored. Thanks for reading!
5 of 8 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on March 11, 2009 8:33 AM
here4beer:
Let he who is without a Cross Colours shirt throw the first stone. I think we all have that ugly secret buried in our past, or our closets.
6 of 8 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on March 11, 2009 8:36 AM
MrsBojangles:
Thanks, if you didn't see the previous comments, Danger is now claiming that she is not pregnant! Looks like she made a quick buck off of the National Enquirer.
7 of 8 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on March 11, 2009 8:38 AM
BlahBlah:
I'm delighted to perform this community service for you. The strip club? I think you're giving VH1 too much credit. I'm thinking more like mental institution and transvestites anonymous. Lil'Hood and Chardonnay ARE a little strong in the face...
8 of 8 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on March 11, 2009 8:43 AM