Breakfast of Champions
Lil' Hood then gives us another ghetto soliloquy and tells Ray how she feels. Really feels. I did not make these up, really.
"You know I'm feelin' you."
"I'm really really feelin' you."
"And it's just sometimes I feel like it scares me a little."
"When i feel my heart feel like that it scares me cuz it's real."
You think she's feeling him? I guess the flare up is still in effect. Anyway, Ray J confronts Unique about her choking and let's her know that he can't be with a girl with such a strong gag reflex.
"I can do better, let me show you!"
"Oh wait, I can't. My nipples are hard and that's not ladylike."
Unique states that she only does what she wants to do and she wants a man who will ride or die for her. Ray J exclaims that he made a bed with her. How else can he show he cares?! I. Can't. Take. This. Why doesn't anyone on this show care about anything?!
Cocktail, who looks more Mexican with every layer of foundation she peels off, tells Lil' Hood to tell Ray how she really FEELS before word gets back to him that she wanted to leave. Something tells me she'll have no trouble expressing her 'feel'ings.
Cocktail approaches Lil' Hood in the shower all of 20 minutes later and convinces Lil' Hood that Ray J knows she wants to leave. Lil' Hood grabs Ray J and tells him that she wants to confront all of the girls with him present. Lil' Hood outs herself instead and wants to know who told Ray that she said she wanted to go home the other night.
"Straight up now tell me; is it gonna be me and Ray forever?"
"Can you catch Stupidity Simplex?"
"One blink means this ho is crazy!"
"Can someone PLEASE hit me on the back?! Y'all know I get stuck like this."
Then Lil' Hood changes the whole story and says that she brought Ray J in the room to explain that she did say that. So now Ray is confused.
"I thought this was the Moesha audition."
Lil' Hood is losing it.
"Crack is Wack!"
And all the girls have a good laugh at Lil' Hood's expense.
Well played Cocktail.
Then Ray J just gets fed up and confused by all of the stories and L'i Hood gets loud with him....
"Who you talkin' to? You can stress your opinion..."
Maybe he means express your opinion...but I'm not choosy. I love when a man comes from behind a pillow and throws some bass in his voice to tell off a crackhead.
"Show me the receipts!"
If you don't get that, you don't get me. Ray then reflects on some of Lil' Hood's wilder moments and realizes that she really might have a problem.
"Kick in the door, wavin' the four-four."
"Oh snap! It's time to get Buckwild!"
I Wanna Be Black-ulosis affects 2 in every 3 reality show contestants.
Lil' Hood is in the middle of her farewell and Cocktail is helping her pack. Cocktail drags Lil' Hood's bags out without so much as an "Uh-huh" to respond to Hood's ramblings.
Going
Going
Gone.
Ray goes outside to talk to Lil' Hood and she strings together some more cliches. "Whatever, whatever" and "it is what it is." Lil' Hood is angry that the other girls have been exposing themselves to get Ray's attention. Quick flashback:
When keeping it real goes wrong.
Lil' Hood's amnesia wears off and she acknowledges that she got a little freaky ith Ray but that's because she had no choice. Ray J says that he's not here for her and she's not keeping it real. Lil' Hood goes in on Ray J for the last time and tells him that he's spoiled and if he lost everything today he wouldn't know what to do. Lil' Hood is a rapper and that's the best insult she could come up with - he's spoiled. She sucks. Ray J gives her the Def Comedy Jam benediction.
"Good Night and God Bless."
But Lil' Hood can't resist and tells Ray to go back inside with his pierogies or triglycerides or something like that. Apparently it means 'slut' in Hood-nese. Lil'Hood says goodbye and we're reminded that her real name is Chelsey. Wow-Chelsey! Her parents must be so proud. And by proud I mean they are being relocated by the Embarassing Child Protection Program.
"Get on line behind Becky "Buckwild's" mom."
Ray goes back in the house and tell sthe girls that Lil' Hood eliminated herself.
"We not gettin' champagne again?"
For the Love of Ray J: It's not over until Feminem ruins it Sections:
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Comments (8)
I didn't know this show was being recapped. Thank God bcuz I didn't wanna have to watch it myself.
Good job LBoogie.
At this point, are they just going to the local strip club and rounding up vh1 reality show contestants?
1 of 8 | Posted by BlahBlah | Posted on March 9, 2009 10:32 PM
Yet again, great recap! Plus, you always have the good gossip about the girls!
2 of 8 | Posted by MrsBojangles | Posted on March 10, 2009 5:55 AM
"What kind of idiot gets a tatoo on their hat?"
this made me LOL so effing hard! Great recap again, L Boog.
Also, I totally had that Cross Colours shirt. Don't judge me... it was the 80s.
3 of 8 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on March 10, 2009 6:55 AM
You've done it again, L Boogie!
I kinda hated to see Lil Hood leave since I loved her weekly meltdowns. Babygirl had the very special ability to play a game of telephone all by herself. She managed to take a conversation she was a part of and then twist the shit out of it until it was completely something else.
I am also amazed how uninterested these chicks are in "winning" over our fun-sized Romeo. Even Real and Chance from Real Chance of love got breakfast...without having to yell for it!!
But Ray J himself doesn't seem too into finding love either. This show is not doing anything for me. Where are the false professions of love? Where are the nasty girls who sneak into his room for some boom-boom. Oh, wait, that was Danger and her fertile ovaries.
I needs me MORE. At least your recaps give me a reason to watch this snooze fest and I can save money on Tylenol P.M.
Peace out, yo! (there's a lil Lil Hood in all of us)
4 of 8 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on March 10, 2009 8:07 PM
uglycutie:
Yes!! I'm gonna miss her crazy behind too. Who else is gonna bring just the right amount of crazy to Monday nights? LOL @ "take a conversation she was a part of and then twist the shit out of it until it was completely something else." Even Ray J told her she was lost in her thoughts; he seemed genuinely concerned for her sanity. Oh yeah, Danger has retracted her pregnancy claim and says she is not pregnant...now. I think the cast has picked up where you left off on the Tylenol P.M; they seem so f'in bored. Thanks for reading!
5 of 8 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on March 11, 2009 8:33 AM
here4beer:
Let he who is without a Cross Colours shirt throw the first stone. I think we all have that ugly secret buried in our past, or our closets.
6 of 8 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on March 11, 2009 8:36 AM
MrsBojangles:
Thanks, if you didn't see the previous comments, Danger is now claiming that she is not pregnant! Looks like she made a quick buck off of the National Enquirer.
7 of 8 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on March 11, 2009 8:38 AM
BlahBlah:
I'm delighted to perform this community service for you. The strip club? I think you're giving VH1 too much credit. I'm thinking more like mental institution and transvestites anonymous. Lil'Hood and Chardonnay ARE a little strong in the face...
8 of 8 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on March 11, 2009 8:43 AM