Come Hell Or High Watersports

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I just rediscovered the lost magic of the lava lamp. It's been sitting on my desk for quite some time, but I almost never think to turn it on. Now it's back to full capacity, bubbling and swirling and glowing like it was born to do. You see, football is like a lava lamp...

(five hours and several drinks later)

...so, wait, so what I'm trying to say here, is what I'm trying to say, is that the Friday Night Lights were awesome this week. Spring break 2000!!!1

We pick up where we left off last week, at the end of the Long Corridor of Existential Death. Landry is confessing to the murder, insisting that he wanted to kill the guy. Didn't catch that? Don't worry, he'll make damn sure you do by the end of the episode. He describes to the investigator, in detail, exactly what he did and that he meant to do it. The guy leaves the room for a moment to tell Daddy Clarke that his dumbass son is being too stubborn to make this any easier. Landry can tell that something is up, so he barges out into the hallway to inform them that he came to CONFESS! He has a CONFESSION to make, dammit! Papa informs him that they're going home and proceeds to literally drag him out of the police station. I get that Landry's trying to make things right and ease his conscience and all, but does he even remotely realize what would happen to him in jail? I watch Prison Break, so I know. One word: T-Bag. (Or is that two?)

Grandma Lorraine bursts into Matt's bedroom, much to the surprise of Matt, who is in bed with Carlotta. He hastily throws the covers over her, and Grandma is far too preoccupied with the disappearance of her Snackwell cookies to even question the Latina-shaped lump in her grandson's bed.

Baby Grace continues her assault on the hearts and minds of America with another priceless gem of a face:

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"Shelly, put down the machete!"

But no one stops to notice because the Taylor Family household is in the midst of a relentless hurricane of activity. Grace's christening is this weekend, and Tami is yelling out instructions at anyone who might listen, which is no one. Coach runs off to rent a party tent, while Julie arrives to bitch and moan, saying that the whole thing isn't even a big deal. Actually, Julie, it is, because YOU'RE the godmother. Really, Taylors? You're making Julie the godmother? I get that it's a very nice gesture, but if I remember correctly, the godparents are supposed to be the ones to take care of the baby if something happens to the parents. And, if God forbid something like that should happen in this situation, I'm thinking Julie's parenting skills currently hover somewhere around Britney Spears Level.

Coach pulls Tim Riggins into his office. He tells him that as Athletic Director, he needs someone to help out with some of the other sports that are understaffed, someone who has flaked out in the past and who owes him a favor. "First guy that comes to mind is Williams," Tim snarks. GOD I love this kid. If someone gave him his own show and it only consisted of him lounging around on the coach, drinking and yelling at a toaster, I'd watch every second and probably preorder the first five seasons on DVD. Coach tells him he's now in charge of the girls' volleyball uniforms, which need to be washed. Tim sighs.

Ahh! It's Jason! While I proceed to change my pants, he and Herc (UGH) cruise around the internet. Herc finds a dating website consisting of girls who prefer the company of men of the wheeled variety. Jason scoffs until he notices a perky young thing named Isabella, who, incidentally, looks exactly like Lyla. They start giggling about it like little schoolgirls until Jason's mom interrupts to bring them some carrot sticks. What is this, Awkward Parental Figure Barging In On Licentiousness Day?

Papa Clarke arrives to bring Tyra the happy news of Landry's confession and to suggest the name of a good lawyer. A tearful Tyra asks what's going to happen to Landry, but he doesn't have an answer. And you should be more worried about your own hide, Papa. You destroyed evidence, hasn't anyone pointed this out yet? My suggestion: get Johnnie Cochran on the line. What's that? He's dead? Death cannot stop solid litigating skills and witty rhyming catchphrases!

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Comments (8)

ThisShowRocks!:

When I saw Jason pop up in this episode, I thought, "Screampillr is going to be one happy person!"
I can practically see you beaming through this screen.

I agree that parts of this episode felt rushed.

Also, I'm with you on Riggins...I'd watch him do anything. Yummy!

And am I the only one that thinks this deal with Landry isn't totally over?

Lnnc92:

My husband and I rewound the DVR like 4 times to figure out what Buddy Garrity said about dinner...although I stopped short of turning on the closed captioning...steak and ramen what??

fnllover:

I am glad that I am not the only person who thinks of Screampillr recaps as I watch the show, or in everyday life.

One day I was driving home, and there was a guy who looked JUST LIKE Buddy Garrity driving a huge truck next to me. The first thing I thought was "Screampillr would put this in her recap".

And I also thought of you when Jason came on the screen... and when Jason was with the waitress... I hoped it would be you. :)

fire@will:

Another fine recap! Good show, too.

I wish they'd stretched out the Matt/Carlotta thing, but it's still okay - even though I know it can't help but end badly.

I too fear that the Landry plotline is not over. Maybe the brother will be back?

Liked the football part - the guy I credit with turning Santiago into the Waterboy was that fool from the other team who just HAD to rub it in after flattening him. Many games have been turned around - and football heroes awakened - that very same way. Karma bites.


y2kcsc:

I've been really behind in reading my recaps - but it's good to be back! I thought this episode was so emotional...lots going on.

I've liked Riggins since the start and I'm glad to see him showing is soft/good side (I still think he needs to wash his hair) but he's my fav (besides Coach, of course).

As much as I love Tammi...she's a little on my nerves. I feel like something needs to happen with her - besides bights with Julie. I miss the Eric and Tammi from last year. I know a baby changes everything, but where's the love??

talma63:

Other than the stupid arc of the killing and the subsequent "drama", this show continues to hit the highs, notably due to outstanding writing that seems to be reserved for Coach and Tami. Well, Riggins, too. He gets all the juicy, snappy comments. Pathos, my man, pathos. Smash is an a-hole.

Love your recaps and naked passion for this show, Screampillr. It does deserve to give us a few more seasons, even if it was obviously designed to last only one. I mean, all the main characters, except for Landry and Saracen were seniors the first season, weren't they? How can they still be around? It will be interesting to see if the show is renewed how they're going to introduce the new ones.

The one character I'm sick of is Julie. Her teenagery is over the top now and she needs to go off to college or some A & M school to learn animal husbandry or something. She can take Aunt Shelly with her, too, who contributes nothing to this show. The real Tami would have bounced her ass down the four-lane weeks ago.

sweetleaf:

"steak and Ramen semen."
Poor Santiago!

happymommy:

Mmmm, nothing takes the chill off of a cold winter's night quite like a nice hot bowl of steak and semen ramen, I bet Santiago is counting his blessings every night...or not...

Screampillr, I just wanted to post and thank you for your hilarious recaps, they are the highlight of my TV week!

If Tim Riggins is still looking for a place to live, I would like to nominate: my pants :)

Keep up the great work!! Your screencaps of Gracie are too adorable for words!

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