Testimonials

Tami is gabbing away on the phone, making more party plans and sketching some erotic doodles. Julie comes in to model the new dress she bought. Tami makes a squinty face, so Julie sighs and says "Tell me what you want me to wear, I will go put it on." Good Lord, it's as if they secretly bugged my room when I was a teenager and are now stealing actual dialogue from my own adolescence, word for word. Amazing. Tami says that she knows it's been hard on Julie ever since Grace came along, but she needs to grow up and rise to the occasion. Julie argues that she won't LET her grow up, that all she wants is a nice picture and to seem like the perfect family. They fight back and forth very realistically for a little while (nice job, ladies), ending with Julie storming out, saying that she does so much for her mother and that a thank you would be nice. Haha. That is so classic teenager, feeling all unappreciated for no reason and not even remotely recognizing the efforts of your parents. Tami, as if echoing my own thoughts, mutters to herself, "Well, I think a thank you would be nice, too."

Party balloons? Or hidden phallus?

Cut to the ole police station, which I now never want to see again. Landry states, on tape, that he was in fear for his life, and that's why he killed him. But he doesn't sound entirely convinced, and neither am I. Can we even be sure that the guy is dead? We've gotten no verbal confirmation!

Anyway, who can care about Landry while Jason's out on his big date! Looks like it's going well, until Jason asks why she posted on that website. She counters by asking why he was looking there in the first place. Awkward. She then admits that she was just looking for guys who were more open-minded. Jason says he understands, which the strumpet misinterprets as a green light for more salacious talk. "Can I tell you what really gets me going?" she coos. "Sure," Jason blurts, his face frozen into a nervous smile. She leans in closer and says, "Pee." She then excuses herself and runs off to the bathroom, presumably to dance around in her own urinations. Jason, stunned, remains at the table to perform the best series of facial expressions I've ever seen.

The four stages of What The Fuck

Seriously, it's hilarious. Fear and disgust and horror and nausea all rolled up into one, spread out over a painfully long space of something like fifteen seconds. I knew I loved this kid for a reason. He grabs the waitress and tells her to tell Isabella that something came up and he had to leave. She refuses to help him ditch his date, so he desperately blurts "I met this girl on the internet and she was talking about pee and I'm not comfortable with where it's going." HA! Cut to a few minutes later, as Isabella returns to an empty table and the waitress tells her that he left. Isabella becomes belligerent, saying that that's impossible because she was his ride, eventually splashing a glass of water into the poor girl's face. Isabella storms out, leaving the girl to glare over at the kitchen doors, where Jason balefully peers out from behind and mouths an apology.

"Can someone check the weather forecast? Does it call for Golden Showers?"

Game time. Tim is back in uniform, Smash is hooting it up, Santiago is vomiting in the bathroom. Everything is as it should be. Slammin' Sammy brings us up to speed: the other team's got J.D. Pepper, an unstoppable juggernaut of destruction who has allowed them to score on three out of their four possessions. At the half, the Panthers are losing 28-13. As they return to the field, Buddy pulls Coach aside and pleads for him to put Santiago into the game. Coach says he's not ready, but Buddy insists. And when Buddy Garrity insists, it's just so hard to say no. Just look at those puppy dog eyes, those sweaty nostrils, that George Washington hair. He's priceless!

The Panthers continued to get pounded. Suddenly, Coach, hearing the dramatic music swell, realizes that it's time to put the kid in. Play after play, Santiago goes down. The soundtrack pounds with his heavy breathing, which I think is a nice effect, as he looks out at the crowd and realizes that he has become Part Of A Team. As they set up for the next play, he balls his fists and starts snarling like a dog. After the snap, he barrels forward and destroys Pepper. SANTIAGO SMASH!

"Buddy, put your shirt back on."

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Posted in Friday Night Lights by Screampiller at 8:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)
Last Comment: happymommy on Dec 17, 2007 10:51 AM.