Daddy Clarke pays a visit to Tyra's house. Mindy walks in half naked, and Tyra gets rid of her by telling her to put some clothes on. Ha. Always a trip at the Colette house! Maybe Mom will wander in and put her ass through the coffee table again. Dad says he's starting to catch on as to why Tyra and Landry are hanging out all the time now, and have ever since they found that body in the river. Tyra asks if she's being accused, but Dad says he's only there as, well, a dad. "Landry has never lied to me. Never. But he's lying to me now." And then he forbids her to see Landry anymore.
The House That Strippers Built
Over at the Arctic Freeze, Tami picks up an order from Matt, who asks her if he's a chump for saying yes to Julie's concert date. Tami, trying to balance a drink, a bag of food, and a baby, is caught off guard. She stammers for a bit, thereby proving, to me at least, that the Saracen Stutter Syndrome is contagious. In the end, she says that the most important thing in a relationship is trust. So, there's your answer, Matt. Chump.
Booze cruise time! It should be noted that the name of this illustrious watercraft is Señor Dolphins. This almost, almost makes up for the load of crap that's about to come next, but, sadly, it's not enough. Anyway, it's a dinky little boat that contains a few bored-looking Mexicans and, of course, our motley crew of high school dropouts. Jason, STILL wearing that godforsaken hat, is chilling in the back of the boat (stern? bow? I have no idea), trying on some goggles and attempting to make himself look even more ridiculous, if that's at all possible. Why the producers are choosing to cover up all that beauty with oversized novelty props, I'll never know. Eventually, Tim and Lyla saunter over with somber faces. Time for the intervention.
It doesn't go well. They say the shark surgery is too dangerous, pointing out that even the doctor said there's a chance he could die on the table. Whoa. Left that little detail out, didn't you? Jason doesn't care, he wants out of the chair, and if he dies then he's fine with that. Lyla actually says the line "You have so much to live for," which makes me throw up in my mouth a little, and then starts in with all of the God has a plan and Jesus stuff. Tim wisely attempts to shut her up. Everyone snarks back and forth for a while, ending with Lyla telling Jason he's being an idiot, and Tim telling him point blank that he's never going to walk again, period, and that he loves him and he'll knock him out and drag him back to Dillon if he has to. Oooooh, Tim is gay for Jason!
So this whole mess is painful enough as it is, and not painful in the normal my-heart-is-breaking-but-it-feels-so-good way that this show usually delivers. There is much wincing going on all over my face. But it's nothing compared to what comes next. Tim and Lyla storm off to watch some dolphins or snorkel or something, and Jason is left alone in the back (port? starboard? poop deck?). After a moment of pensive thinking and plaintive music, he throws himself off the side of the ship and...does not surface. After a moment or two, Tim notices and starts calling for Jason and yelling at the crew to turn boat around. But no one can see him anywhere.
Señor Dolphin does not have time for your foolish "emergency"!
Okay. I'll be honest. For a moment, I was terrified that they had killed him off. I was positive they wouldn't do that, but a part of me was really scared there for a second. No matter how lame Jason gets, he's still my love and if anything were to happen to him I'd probably have a 100-point freakout. But of course, he's fine. He surfaces after a minute. My fear turns to disgust real quick, as there's all sorts of slow motion and goopy music and melodramatic flailing and determined facial expressions like something out of Titanic. Titanic pulls it off quite nicely. This does not. I can barely watch.
Never let go, Jason!
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Comments (10)
I actually thought the same thing when he threw himself off the boat and hoped they weren't killing him off. I like that Matt told Julie off but I don't like the previews of him kissing another girl.
1 of 10 | Posted by RLR123 | Posted on November 9, 2007 8:20 AM
Let me start by saying SP that I love your recaps they are witty and insightful.
If you could add paragraphs to break it up a little bit it would be much easier to read.
I don't want to be one of those people that just complains about the recap, but it was a tough read this week.
2 of 10 | Posted by PaulieWalnutz | Posted on November 9, 2007 8:48 AM
Thanks for the recap, SP.
I agree...Overall, sucky episode.
There were a few highlights though.
I also loved everything Taylor, as always.
And anything Lance/Landry related is OK in my book too...Coach calling him Lance made me laugh every time.
Tyra broke my heart when she dumped Landry in such an awful way. I understand WHY she did it that way, but damn! :(
I was also glad Matt finally stood up for himself.
But the Jason, Lyla, Riggins storyline left a bad taste in my mouth..Seriously, what was that little menage a trois in the making there? Ummm...FAMILY TV!
I think I'm just over the ~ wait, are you sitting down, SP? ~ I think I'm over the whole Jason storyline. For me, he could leave the show, and I wouldn't miss him. Eh...but I feel that way about Smash too, so...
Oh well...new episode tonight. BRING.IT.ON!
3 of 10 | Posted by ThisShowRocks! | Posted on November 9, 2007 8:54 AM
Geez, SP, I didn't think the episode was THAT bad.
If you ever played high school sports, you'd know that those types of cliches are said, and believed in, by the coaches and players, so I bought that scene, and the fact that the team did get pumped up by the little inspirational speech from their own "Rudy", Landry. When you're 16 you don't know that these are cliches yet. When the music swelled and Coach did his "clear eyes, pure hearts, can't lose" I'll admit as an ex jock who was short on natural talent but had some success based on sheer will and work ethic I got a lump in my throat.
Loved Saracen remembering he actually has a pair, and loved watching Tami try not to completely sell out Julie even though you know she wanted to tell Matt he was being a doormat.
Was it me or was the scene with Jason jumping off the boat either consciously or unconsciouly an homage to "Forest Gump", when Lt. Dan jumped off the shrimp boat and realized he wanted to live?
I kind of get Tyra feeling she had to be extra cruel to Landry for his own good. If she had told Landry the truth (that she couldn't see him anymore because of his father), Landry would never have accepted that.
Anyway, looking forward to tonight.
-JR
4 of 10 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on November 9, 2007 9:00 AM
Hey! Sorry about the original formatting. My bad. We were having some trouble with the publishing platform last night. Should be all good now.
Flip
5 of 10 | Posted by flipit | Posted on November 9, 2007 9:08 AM
Everything JasonR said...
The 3-way bit at the end was just plain creepy.
Loved all things Taylor, especially "Lance".
Maybe the jumping overboard would have been better as a cliff hanger... to be resolved the next week?
As ever, a good recap, especially when you didn't like so much of the episode.
6 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 9, 2007 9:47 AM
Plus, how weird was it for Tim and Lyla to be on the booze cruise and then all of a sudden pull up in that truck on the beach. I was like WTF.
The kissing at the end was ridiculous, as everyone else has stated. I guess being dunked in the river didn't quite wash all of the WHORE out of her hair.
Love the magic chili and OBEY THE CHILI screencap!
7 of 10 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on November 9, 2007 10:03 AM
Loved the recap, SP. Especially you suggesting that Matt get "doormat" tattooed on him in Sanskrit. The screencaps were great, too (T-Rex Grandma and OBEY THE CHILI).
I, too, hated the dive into the ocean. I actually would have liked it more if they had killed Jason off---at least then the scene would have made sense. I have no idea what it was about diving into the ocean that suddenly changed his mind, and it was way too easy of a solution to the surgery issue. So now Jason is A-OK with never walking again?
I also didn't like the threeway kiss at the end. I could buy Lyla kissing Tim (since, despite what she says, I think she's still really attracted to him), but I don't buy her kissing Jason. Their relationship seems totally done. Is this just a way for the writers to drag out some long love triangle storyline? I hope not.
I loved the scenes with Coach and Tami and Coach and Landry. I usually hate sports, but I even liked Landry's locker room speech. If we could just get Landry and Tyra back together without this murder storyline, I'd be a happy viewer.
I hope the writers give Smash something to do this season. Shouldn't he be getting into some trouble over a girl? Seems like he's due for that again.
8 of 10 | Posted by domino | Posted on November 9, 2007 4:29 PM
Screampillar - I can't believe you didn't make mention of the first "clear eyes - full hearts" chant of the season. I thought it was pretty neat that they held that out 'til Coach Taylor came back.
About the boat scene - yes, it was a little campy. I took it as Jason giving up - he knew his friends would not let him go through with the surgery - and attempting suicide. Then, he realized how much he loved life, and came back with screw the surgery. I think it was actually a good idea of a story line out of the surgery, but they had horrible execution. And, Lyla and Tim arriving on the beach in a jeep in three seconds - come on! The sad part is, they could have played the story for so much more dramatic pay off.
All in all, though, if the Taylors are in the episode for 30 seconds, it's the best show on TV!
9 of 10 | Posted by lawyergal | Posted on November 9, 2007 6:27 PM
"I'm not sure what happened, but all of a sudden everything sucked. Except the Taylors, who were delightful as always."
Word. Vomit in the mouth. Throwing himself off the boat? Really?
Christ In My Chin Donut Lila makes me want to smack her. I grew up with the holy rollers and they are soooo tired. And that crazy menage a kiss....read earlier in the year in Ask Ausiello in TV Guide about some "crazy threesome in Mexico with T,J, & L....I totally dismissed it and lookie here....what have we got?
And the Taylors...that whole 6 week thing was hysterical....LOVED IT. And as a mom, I can totally relate. Best marriage on TV....
Please please please, even if you are pissed, you have to recap. If nothing else, we need you to say it too. This season is confusing and doesn't feel nearly as good...from the premiere on. The questionable story lines are, at this point, still digestible with a dollop of the good stuff.
I am keeping the faith, at least as long as they are airing new episodes. Hopefully where they leave off won't be a bad place.
10 of 10 | Posted by mamabird | Posted on November 9, 2007 8:57 PM