But all this I could forgive (well, no, but I could try and forget) if it had a spectacular ending. Let's find out what happens, shall we? Jason washes up on a beach and sits there on the sand for a while until Tim and Lyla drive up in the truck and rush over. He's just sitting there with a stupid little grin on his face, wistfully staring out at the ocean. He apologizes to them, and then says, "I'm not having the surgery. Let's go back to Texas."
Okay. Deep breaths.
What?!? That's IT? Week after week of this kid steadfastly resolving to get this damn surgery, absolutely nothing will change his mind, and then this? A little dip in the ocean and all is well? Cop out. COP OUT.
Not cool, FNL. Not cool. There is well-written drama, which I know you can do exquisitely at times, and then there is schmaltzy crap. This was the latter. Jason's plotline is one of the best, please don't reduce it to movie-of-the-week garbage.
Okay rant over. For now.
I think there's a football game going on or something. As punishment for not respecting the Chili, Coach has benched Matt and Smash, and as a result the Panthers are biting it big time. It's 13-0 at the half. Time for an inspirational yell. In the locker room, Coach demands to know if anyone has something to say. Landry stands up and meekly spouts a whole stream of sports clichés, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, they're better together than they ever could be apart, there's no I in team, teach a boy to fish, and a rolling stone gathers no moss. It's kinda lame, the boatload of crap that preceded it certainly not helping. Though it's nicely topped off with him saying that it's an honor to even be in the same room with all of them. That's sweet, at least.
OBEY THE CHILI
The Panthers, freshly inspired, come roaring back onto the field and start winning. Coach puts Lance into the game, much to the delight of his family. He makes a key play, allowing the Panthers to score. Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum, meanwhile, are still sitting on the bench. They figure out that Coach wants them to kiss and make up, so they apologize to each other, in a terrible after-school special kind of way, and then tell Coach that they want back in. He relents. Some other things happen, but I don't notice because I'm too distracted by Grandma Lorraine's Tyrannosaurus Rex Dance.
Shake it, Lorraine!
More football. The other team fumbles, giving the Panthers a chance to score the winning touchdown. There's the snap, Matt passes to Landry, Landry gets pummeled, and the Panthers lose. But wait! In the spirit of happy endings and every little plotline getting tied up into a big Christmas bow this episode, a penalty is called, the Panthers get once more chance to score, and they do. The crowd goes wild, chanting Landry's name. Mama and Papa Clarke are particularly adorable, with Papa yelling "My baby boy!" Aw. All grown up and murdering. You must be so proud.
"You're no longer a constant disappointment!"
Limping to the finish line now. At the Landry's Not An Idiot After All party, Tyra pulls her boy out of the celebration thrown in his honor to tell them that they're through. And she does it in the only way Tyra Collette knows how - by breaking his heart. She says if it hadn't been for the murder, he never would have had a chance in hell with her. Ouch, Tyra. If only your lustful eyes weren't betraying you. Lo, the deceit!
In other news, Matt finally grows a pair. He tells Julie he's not going to the concert because he's still pissed at her. He's mad that she's come crawling back to him after The Swede Incident and never even said she's sorry. When she whines that she is, he says it's too late. Congratulations, Matt. Today you are a man.
And then something very disturbing happens. We see Tim, Lyla, and Jason having a celebratory Shark Surgery Epiphany Party. They're all sloppy drunk and lollygagging about, fine, fine, whatever. Lyla kisses Jason, and Tim watches, smiling. Oh, how nice, I think, a little out of the blue but maybe they'll get back together? That's sweet. But THEN Lyla grabs Tim and kisses HIM while JASON watches, smiling! WTF??! She wipes her mouth coyly and coos, "I gotta go pray." Yeah, you better pray, WHORE. If I weren't so incredibly jealous of you I'd throw YOU off the back of a boat (crow's nest? galley?).
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Comments (10)
I actually thought the same thing when he threw himself off the boat and hoped they weren't killing him off. I like that Matt told Julie off but I don't like the previews of him kissing another girl.
1 of 10 | Posted by RLR123 | Posted on November 9, 2007 8:20 AM
Let me start by saying SP that I love your recaps they are witty and insightful.
If you could add paragraphs to break it up a little bit it would be much easier to read.
I don't want to be one of those people that just complains about the recap, but it was a tough read this week.
2 of 10 | Posted by PaulieWalnutz | Posted on November 9, 2007 8:48 AM
Thanks for the recap, SP.
I agree...Overall, sucky episode.
There were a few highlights though.
I also loved everything Taylor, as always.
And anything Lance/Landry related is OK in my book too...Coach calling him Lance made me laugh every time.
Tyra broke my heart when she dumped Landry in such an awful way. I understand WHY she did it that way, but damn! :(
I was also glad Matt finally stood up for himself.
But the Jason, Lyla, Riggins storyline left a bad taste in my mouth..Seriously, what was that little menage a trois in the making there? Ummm...FAMILY TV!
I think I'm just over the ~ wait, are you sitting down, SP? ~ I think I'm over the whole Jason storyline. For me, he could leave the show, and I wouldn't miss him. Eh...but I feel that way about Smash too, so...
Oh well...new episode tonight. BRING.IT.ON!
3 of 10 | Posted by ThisShowRocks! | Posted on November 9, 2007 8:54 AM
Geez, SP, I didn't think the episode was THAT bad.
If you ever played high school sports, you'd know that those types of cliches are said, and believed in, by the coaches and players, so I bought that scene, and the fact that the team did get pumped up by the little inspirational speech from their own "Rudy", Landry. When you're 16 you don't know that these are cliches yet. When the music swelled and Coach did his "clear eyes, pure hearts, can't lose" I'll admit as an ex jock who was short on natural talent but had some success based on sheer will and work ethic I got a lump in my throat.
Loved Saracen remembering he actually has a pair, and loved watching Tami try not to completely sell out Julie even though you know she wanted to tell Matt he was being a doormat.
Was it me or was the scene with Jason jumping off the boat either consciously or unconsciouly an homage to "Forest Gump", when Lt. Dan jumped off the shrimp boat and realized he wanted to live?
I kind of get Tyra feeling she had to be extra cruel to Landry for his own good. If she had told Landry the truth (that she couldn't see him anymore because of his father), Landry would never have accepted that.
Anyway, looking forward to tonight.
-JR
4 of 10 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on November 9, 2007 9:00 AM
Hey! Sorry about the original formatting. My bad. We were having some trouble with the publishing platform last night. Should be all good now.
Flip
5 of 10 | Posted by flipit | Posted on November 9, 2007 9:08 AM
Everything JasonR said...
The 3-way bit at the end was just plain creepy.
Loved all things Taylor, especially "Lance".
Maybe the jumping overboard would have been better as a cliff hanger... to be resolved the next week?
As ever, a good recap, especially when you didn't like so much of the episode.
6 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 9, 2007 9:47 AM
Plus, how weird was it for Tim and Lyla to be on the booze cruise and then all of a sudden pull up in that truck on the beach. I was like WTF.
The kissing at the end was ridiculous, as everyone else has stated. I guess being dunked in the river didn't quite wash all of the WHORE out of her hair.
Love the magic chili and OBEY THE CHILI screencap!
7 of 10 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on November 9, 2007 10:03 AM
Loved the recap, SP. Especially you suggesting that Matt get "doormat" tattooed on him in Sanskrit. The screencaps were great, too (T-Rex Grandma and OBEY THE CHILI).
I, too, hated the dive into the ocean. I actually would have liked it more if they had killed Jason off---at least then the scene would have made sense. I have no idea what it was about diving into the ocean that suddenly changed his mind, and it was way too easy of a solution to the surgery issue. So now Jason is A-OK with never walking again?
I also didn't like the threeway kiss at the end. I could buy Lyla kissing Tim (since, despite what she says, I think she's still really attracted to him), but I don't buy her kissing Jason. Their relationship seems totally done. Is this just a way for the writers to drag out some long love triangle storyline? I hope not.
I loved the scenes with Coach and Tami and Coach and Landry. I usually hate sports, but I even liked Landry's locker room speech. If we could just get Landry and Tyra back together without this murder storyline, I'd be a happy viewer.
I hope the writers give Smash something to do this season. Shouldn't he be getting into some trouble over a girl? Seems like he's due for that again.
8 of 10 | Posted by domino | Posted on November 9, 2007 4:29 PM
Screampillar - I can't believe you didn't make mention of the first "clear eyes - full hearts" chant of the season. I thought it was pretty neat that they held that out 'til Coach Taylor came back.
About the boat scene - yes, it was a little campy. I took it as Jason giving up - he knew his friends would not let him go through with the surgery - and attempting suicide. Then, he realized how much he loved life, and came back with screw the surgery. I think it was actually a good idea of a story line out of the surgery, but they had horrible execution. And, Lyla and Tim arriving on the beach in a jeep in three seconds - come on! The sad part is, they could have played the story for so much more dramatic pay off.
All in all, though, if the Taylors are in the episode for 30 seconds, it's the best show on TV!
9 of 10 | Posted by lawyergal | Posted on November 9, 2007 6:27 PM
"I'm not sure what happened, but all of a sudden everything sucked. Except the Taylors, who were delightful as always."
Word. Vomit in the mouth. Throwing himself off the boat? Really?
Christ In My Chin Donut Lila makes me want to smack her. I grew up with the holy rollers and they are soooo tired. And that crazy menage a kiss....read earlier in the year in Ask Ausiello in TV Guide about some "crazy threesome in Mexico with T,J, & L....I totally dismissed it and lookie here....what have we got?
And the Taylors...that whole 6 week thing was hysterical....LOVED IT. And as a mom, I can totally relate. Best marriage on TV....
Please please please, even if you are pissed, you have to recap. If nothing else, we need you to say it too. This season is confusing and doesn't feel nearly as good...from the premiere on. The questionable story lines are, at this point, still digestible with a dollop of the good stuff.
I am keeping the faith, at least as long as they are airing new episodes. Hopefully where they leave off won't be a bad place.
10 of 10 | Posted by mamabird | Posted on November 9, 2007 8:57 PM