Tim, Lyla, and Jason are on their way back from the Plotline Of Death. Jason sort of sadly tells them that he's turning nineteen on Tuesday. My first thought is, damn. All that the poor kid's been through, and he's only nineteen? My second thought is, wait, nineteen? So did he graduate from high school already? Could we get some answers on this please? May I see a diploma? And my third thought is that this would all be slightly more effective if Scott Porter even mildly resembled a teenager, but I'm willing to overlook that for the greater good. I mean, look at that adorable face. Belief...SUSPENDED. After some witty banter with Tim, he sighs and says, "I'm going back to Dillon. Nineteen. What the hell am I doing with my life?" Well, you're finally not wearing a ridiculous hat for once, so that's a start.

The Taylors are delightfulling all over their kitchen. Tami is complaining about her sister coming to visit unannounced while at the same time opening up the mail, which contains Coach's first paycheck. And surprise! It's less than half of what it's supposed to be. Coach stammers that he didn't exactly hammer out the details with Buddy, that he had just assumed that it would be taken care of. But before Tami can smack him over the head with a sledgehammer, the doorbell rings. Tami opens the door, and both she and her sister start screaming and jumping up and down like a couple of drunken cheerleaders. Pleasantries are exchanged, and Tami happily recounts to her husband that Shelly said she could bounce a quarter off her ass. Coach hilariously mumbles "You could bounce all kinds of..." but is sadly cut off by more screeching. Shelly, who might as well be wearing a "Homewrecker!" sandwich board, proceeds to fawn over the baby and Julie, inform Tami they shouldn't be using disposable diapers, and steal Coach's paycheck and mock it relentlessly. And all the while, Tami is really rocking that polite fury thing that she does so well. Love it.

"I'm here to ruin y'all's lives!"

Coach storms over to Buddy Garrity's car lot, but our dear Buddy doesn't have time to deal with foolish paycheck problems. He's got a hog-wrestling match to oversee! He's got Lyla's little adopted juvie in a pile of mud, chasing around a pig in front of a crowd of bemused car shoppers, or probably just local drunks. Either way, that's entertainment! Buddy pulls Coach into his office and explains that the booster club is out of money, since it cost so much to pay off Coach Asshat. Coach's mouth is twitching so hard it might just jump right off his face. Buddy promises he'll take care of everything. Buddy is totally the kind of guy you ask to water the plants while you're away on vacation, and when you return they're not only dead but also now contain notes that say "We were dead before you left. Welcome home!"

A greasy, disheveled, beautiful Tim Riggins shows up at practice to find that his locker has been emptied. Uh oh. Hell hath no fury like a Riggins scorned. Oh, just kidding. He'll throw a beer bottle or two and then fall over into some girl's vagina. He weakly tries to appeal to Coach, but Coach just kicks him off the field.

Glenn, the little interim guidance counselor twerp, is filling Tami in on all of the trials and tribulations of their little high school hellions, now that she's returning back to work. Coach stops in for a chat, meets Glenn, and kicks him out using solely the Power of the Eyebrow. He gets all suspicious again, and Tami asks if he's jealous, and if so, that it's adorable. "You like that?" he says slyly. Good God. If they could somehow package and sell these two they'd be the hottest Christmas item of the season. Could you imagine Coach with a little bow on his head? Best Christmas ever.

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Posted in Friday Night Lights by Screampiller at 9:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Last Comment: domino on Nov 17, 2007 09:00 PM.