The next day, they decide to play a little game of golf. Tim. Coach is going to KILL you. They strike up a little deal. If Tim wins, GoodwinDad has to come see his game on Friday. If GoodwinDad wins, Tim will have to keep quiet to that crazy bag lady about where he really lives. YES. The Conway Twitty CD will be SAFE. Tim swings and the shot lands somewhere in the next county. He starts to tee up for another one but Dad stops him. Looks like someone doesn't enjoy the delicate ballet that is high school football.
Football. Coaching. Yelling. Coach pulls Smash aside because he's stinking up the field. Smash is full of excuses and sass, so Coach sends him off to the end zone to do twenty suicides. I really hope this isn't leading up to some sort of health-related Smash disaster in the playoffs. I like Smash, but I'm more concerned that it would totally destroy Coach, and I hate when any of my precious Taylors are in strife.
As if taking a cue from, well, me, Tami descends upon her husband to try and get him to relax. She insists that he stop taking out his anger towards Smash on Smash because it's eroding his confidence and that's going to be a problem come playoffs. She suggests that they have a little chat. I assume it won't be as amazing as the infamous Matt Chat, but I suppose it will have to do.
Over at the golf course, Tim is kicking ass and taking names. He asks his father if he's feeling the pressure, but GoodwinDad is still too much of a moron to see that Tim really wants him to lose so he'll come to the game, so he instead makes a snide remark about his awful putting skills. Oh SNAP.
Smash is sitting out on his front porch watching some kids playing football, conveniently enough on his front lawn or something. Coach shows up and sits down next to him. He points out the one cocky kid who keeps scoring and says that he remembers someone just like that in his neighborhood. Smash, aka Captain Obvious, points out that that was him. Ohhhh. I get it. Coach gives him the whole spiel about being part of a team and apologizes for riding on him too hard. Cocky kid approaches and tells Coach to remember his name, because he's going to be there on the first day of practice in 2014. Coach tells him to give him a call once he gets out of pee wee, and the kid says "I'll do that, sir." Hehe. Then he asks Smash if he wants to play, and he and Coach round up the kids and start a game that ends in mirth and slow-motion frolicking. Yes, it's wicked corny, but it's also pretty damn cute.
Fievel joins the cast of Friday Night Lights
Back at the Golf Course of Familial Metaphors, Tim's game has fallen apart. His father takes one last putt to win the game, and he proceeds to viciously shove it in Tim's face. Poor Tim grumbles, "If you didn't want to come to the game you could have just said so, it would have been a lot easier." GoodwinDad says that him coming back to Dillon isn't as easy as it sounds, and Tim says that Billy was right and proceeds to walk away. GoodwinDad turns into a ten-year-old right before our very eyes, says that he won fair and square, and demands that Tim return to shake his hand. Tim leaves in disgust. Well, what did you expect when your father is a FILTHY OTHER?
Tim returns home to an incredulous Billy, who can't believe that he spent the night. Before they can get around to another passionate Riggins heart-to-heart, a carful of rally girls pulls up and burst into the house to kidnap Tim, who goes along without a fight. Meanwhile, another team of sluts is doing the same thing to Matt, who does put up a small fight, but Grandma is all too happy to shove him out the door so that's the end of that!
Cut to a raucous football party with alcohol and hot tubs and senseless teenage debauchery. Tim establishes that they're taking pictures for a calendar for charity, which Matt is clearly uncomfortable with no matter how many whales they save. But then some random ho drags him off to undress him, saying that he's going to be Mr. November. He ends up in the hot tub with a multitude of girls around him and of course the cameras are going off. He doesn't appear to be putting up much of a fight now. This can only end well.
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Comments (8)
Please, Screampillar. You must make FNL survive, and you must be there to recap it. I beg you.......... I haven't laughed so hard in weeks and I so dearly love this show.
1 of 8 | Posted by Ozone Dude
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Posted on February 3, 2007 7:26 PM
I agree - I loveeeeeeeee the show and your recaps are just the perfect enhancement.
I loved your prayer photo caption!
2 of 8 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
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Posted on February 3, 2007 10:21 PM
haha, "gimpy honky nancy boy cripple queer" - very nice screampillar! i also really enjoyed "gabbin bout football."
wanna go out sometime?
3 of 8 | Posted by COME ON! COOME OOOOON!!
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Posted on February 4, 2007 7:50 AM
Another great recap!! I look forward to your recaps almost as much as the show!! Keep it up!
At this point, all I can hope for is a "FNL Valentine's Day Special" (Feb. 14 it is on a Wednesday, after all) where Matt and Julie make up, Coach and Tami have a romantic night on the town (sans Mr. Garrity breathing down Coach's neck) and Smash loving himself again....not in that way, sickos.
4 of 8 | Posted by y2kcsc
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Posted on February 4, 2007 10:57 AM
I love your recaps, Screampillar. That bowling ball polisher thing made me laugh too.
How dare those rally tramps come between those sweeties Matt and Julie? And was it a good idea for the girls to be giving crazy grandma wine? I loved that stereotypical Conway Twitty lady. And then Tim was getting his drink on in front of his dad who is trying to quit drinking...how sensitive!
I love FNL....can't wait 'til this week's episode!
5 of 8 | Posted by Jojobear
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Posted on February 5, 2007 5:31 AM
Another great recap, Screampillar. I cracked up at your pre-game prayer photo caption.
y2kcsc, it would be tough to have a Valentine's Day episode on a show set during football season, but at least every day is Valentine's Day at casa Taylor.
6 of 8 | Posted by JasonR
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Posted on February 5, 2007 7:28 AM
so it only takes like a week and a half for steroids to completely clear your system? who knew?
7 of 8 | Posted by dubbledubs
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Posted on February 7, 2007 10:34 AM
Screampillar, FNLights is one of the best shows on TV, and I LOVE your recaps. I fear we will lose this show eventually, so let's enjoy it while we can!
8 of 8 | Posted by scoobydoo
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Posted on February 9, 2007 12:33 PM