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Over at the Taylors', an extremely distressed Tami is barking into a phone that it is two in the morning and Julie is still not home and she best call her back as soon as she can. Turns out, Julie is with The Swede and some older friends in his Den Of Drugs And Moral Depravity. Julie, her transformation into a monster still not totally complete, actually manages to pass on the pot and instead offers a lame little global warming joke to the group, which they all find hilarious. You know what's the most fun in the world? Getting high and making Al Gore jokes. Man, that guy so invented the internet!

"Win the popular vote much, AL?"

Cut to Julie making out with The Swede in his creepy unmarked Pedophile-Mobile. Tami watches from inside the house, and that is it. She runs out, bangs on the window, and demands that Julie get in the house right now. Julie refuses, and begs the Swede to take her somewhere. He says no because that's kidnapping. Dude! That's what the van is for! Don't even pretend like this is your first time.

Tami's had enough. She opens the door and physically drags Julie out, shouting, "I am your mother. And you are not grown up yet and you are not rid of me yet." Julie tells her to go to hell and Tami, acting on the collective will of viewers across America, slaps her daughter across the face.

Amen!

"You got rid of me when you had Gracie and Dad left!" Julie sobs. What? What are you, five years old? Come on Julie, even you must admit that you were totally asking for it. Poor Tami looks horrified at what she just did and at what Julie is saying, but I for one think there is no need. It had to be done. Yeah, yeah, you don't hit your kids and all, but that little shit needs some sense knocked into her before she ends up with a Swedish Bun in the oven.

Over at the 'Bee's, Tyra just so happens to experience the pleasure of serving Landry's dad. And what a pleasure it is! He very politely asks for a quesadilla burger, an iced tea, and whether or not she's dating his son. Because if she is, he doesn't get it, what a girl like her would want with a guy like Landry. Tyra wisely does not take this down the how-dare-you-call-me-a-whore road, but instead calmly explains that Landry is smart and funny and just overall a wonderful guy. Dad looks pleased, as Tyra secretly brandishes a candlestick.

It's Friday night at last, as Slammin' Sammy reminds us no less than 32 times. The game begins, and before long the Panthers are down. According to Sammy, this is because "The Rattlers have Come! To! Play!" Whereas apparently the Panthers thought they would be attending a knitting circle or something. The game eventually picks up, thanks to Smash. Jason tries to get a word in edgewise with the Coach, but Asshat is just not having any of it, eventually dredging up the dreaded M-word again, barking "I don't have time to take advice from the team mascot, alright?" Dude, you already said that once before. No need to pound it into the poor kid's head. And I hate to break it to you, but I don't see a panther costume anywhere. And somehow the Dillon Quadriplegics just don't have the same ring to it, so just quit it already. Jason, crushed, makes the saddest face I've ever seen. He's looking more like a lolcat every day.

Football, football, football. Smash wins the game. Matt gets fed up with his pompousness and tackles him to the ground. They wrestle around for a bit, while Coach watches his broken team from the sidelines. He returns home to Tami, who tearfully tells him that she hit Julie and that there's something wrong with their family. Ooh. What WILL Coach do? The suspense is truly riveting.

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Posted in Friday Night Lights by Screampiller at 9:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: McSteeny on Oct 26, 2007 06:49 AM.