So I was thinking the other night, while catching a few glimpses of the very snowy Packers - Seahawks game and downing handfuls of fried pickles (don't knock 'til you've tried), that it might be fun for our Panthers to take a field trip up to Canada and watch them run around in the snow. Think of the possibilities! Coach with tufts of snowflakes in his Eyebrows. Little Matty Saracen making a snow angel. Tim Riggins building a snowman, then having sex with that snowman. Ah, good times.
But for now, it looks like our Friday Night Lightswill have to remain steamy and Texasy.
Oh, Slammin' Sammy. Where would we be without you? A land of hopeless confusion, that's where. He happily informs us that Dillon has Verbal Contract Fever, which you may remember from the late 80's, when a particularly virulent strain wiped out half of Zimbabwe. Noelle arrives at Smash's house, where he is in a meeting with a recruiter from Tuscaloosa, Alabama. (While my roommate, a fellow FNL fanatic and Tuscaloosa native, proceeds to cream her pants in joy.) A rollicking recruitment montage follows, as Smash smarms it up with an endless parade of thick, polo-shirted men while Noelle drills them on the finer details. Mama Smash is not pleased, but mostly because she's running out of coasters.
While Julie emerges from her hangover, Coach slips into her room to apologize for letting Tim stay at the house. "But he stopped me from a sexual encounter with a lanky emo kid and a world of regret," she fails to say. Instead, she rubs her head and looks confused, while Coach instructs her to notify him if Tim tries anything else with her at school. Don't worry, Coach. Tim is probably dead by now.
Wait, no, he's just been crashing in the locker room. Coach discovers him and kicks him out yet again. At this point I wouldn't be surprised if the kid just started living under the bleachers. He could become the creepy hobo that haunts the field, like the Phantom of the Opera, except with football. Or something. I don't know. I know Broadway, not sports.
Smash loudly accuses his sister of stealing his phone and follows her out onto the front yard. As the neighbors start loading their shotguns, Mama tells him to shut up, and that she took the phone. He needs to cool it with all of this recruitment insanity and get his head back into his schoolwork. They continue to have the same argument they've been hashing out for weeks now, and it ends the same way it always does: ambiguously.
Shelly passed her real estate exam! Hooray! Now get the hell off our show! Shelly shrilly declares that she's taking them all out to dinner, but Coach, of the same sentiments of myself and everyone out there in TV land, wants to discuss her immediate plans. He offers to put in some calls and get her business started, which she accepts gratefully, totally unaware that he's trying desperately to kick her out of his house. She then suggests that they put an extra phone line in so that she can start making some cold calls. She could even share it with Julie! Coach looks as if he just may vomit. Tami, also not pleased, quickly says that they'll think about it later. For tonight, it's off to Applebee's to celebrate!
"So it's come to this. Beatings all around."
By the way, the online episodes are currently featuring T.G.I.Friday's, and it just now dawned on me that this is a far more appropriate American crazy-crap-on-the-walls chain restaurant sponsor. It has a third of the damn title in it! There's no such thing as Applebee Night Lights!
Tim returns home, finally, to find a delinquency notice on the door and the house trashed. Some things never change.
Another slimy recruiter has ambushed Mama Smash in the grocery store, and is sniveling and begging while the poor woman futilely attempts to select some onions. She tells him to go away, but he refuses to leave her alone. Just as the whole thing is about to erupt into Rumble In The Produce Section, Tami walks by and joins Mama in telling him to back off. He finally relents and scampers off to the Spam aisle as the ladies roll their eyes.
"So help me God, boy, I'll shove this cucumber right up your ass."
« Make Me a Supermodel: How Many Times Can We Make These Kids Strip in One Hour? | | Miss America: Reality Check: Caution - You Are Now Entering a Drama Free Zone »
Comments (10)
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU, Screampillr, for my fix!
(Alas, having no comic relief on Sunday evening, I did end up drowning my sorrows in Shiner Blonde after Sunday's devastating loss to the Giants. And I'm still looking for that hit man, BTW. Be afraid, Ms. Simpson. Be very very afraid.)
This episode WAS kind of bleh, wasn't it? SO glad Shelly is leaving, though! I couldn't help thinking she was going to segue back over into her nympho Nip/Tuck character.
And WTF with CoachDick sissy tackling Riggins on the field??? Cuz your wife is dying? I call bullshit. Again, these writers haven't completely grasped the uniquely Texas religion that is High School Football. That just wouldn't happen. At least not without REPLAYING THE DOWN!!!
Keep 'em comin', SP. You are gifted, my dear. Gifted.
1 of 10 | Posted by TheVoiceOfReason | Posted on January 15, 2008 10:56 AM
Another fine recap.
I think Smashes mom was pushing for TMU all along, even though it wasn't as high profile as Smash wanted. She knew TMU would make sure he also got an education. Him picking TMU was him agreeing that she was right all along.
I agree - nothing but good can come from stealing from a drug dealer - especially when you steal while taking your own goods so he will know who to thank.
The other coach had been acting like a real asshat, but I wouldn't wish something like that on anyone.
2 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on January 15, 2008 10:59 AM
So
Funny
!
I was trying so hard not to laugh out loud because people will tink I'm insane. Or rather I will have confirmed it.
Voldemort!
Soooo funny Landry didn't get the west side story dance he wanted!! Great chip screencap joke and many more great laughs....thank you!
I believe that Smash chose the school Mama Smash wanted him to.
3 of 10 | Posted by Sweetleaf | Posted on January 15, 2008 11:39 AM
Some 2nd thoughts on the asshat coach. His behavior would make sense if he were going through a difficult divorce. Maybe he actually is, and just used the old 'dying wife' excuse to explain losing it. Or, hey, maybe his wife is faking her own death to get away from a controlling, abusive asshat.
4 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on January 15, 2008 1:45 PM
I still call bullshit on CoachDick. The point is, the down would have been replayed in Texas, folks. Did they ever show a final score or what? Perhaps I missed it?
Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention how much Corinna Williams ROCKS!!! I shall build a statue of her in my front yard with a kneeling bench and because I'm a good Catholic, I shall pray to her.
5 of 10 | Posted by TheVoiceOfReason | Posted on January 15, 2008 8:26 PM
Just so you know, Mama Smash is in that movie coming out with Martin Lawrence... Welcome Home Dr. RJ. She isn't enough to make me want to see it, though.
I really enjoyed Lyla and Coach in The Kingdom, although, it decreased the "star count" because they weren't in it much... but, still nice to see Peter Berg taking care of his own!
6 of 10 | Posted by fnllover | Posted on January 16, 2008 9:06 AM
Another great recap, SP. Not the greatest episode, but just like pizza or sex, even when FNL is mediocre FNL it's still pretty damn good.
I don't think they would ever replay the down in that situation. Riggins was absolutely clear of all defenders and there was no way he was going to be stopped, but for CoachDick taking matters into his own hands. It would be entirely unfair to make Dillon replay the down and have to try a different play when they had the game won.
Once back in my high school wrestling days in NJ, there was a kid who was about to be pinned and his crazy brothers came out of the stands and pulled the opposing wrestler off him. The place went absolutely bezerk. Good times.
As to Smash and TMU, I got the impression from his talk with Coach that it was agreed that TMU was Smash's best option and Coach had been urging him not to panic and accept somewhere else just because an offer hadn't come through yet, so when TMU came a callin', Smash was comfortable accepting on the spot.
Is it me or is our little Julie getting hotter each week?
Looking forward to seeing Saracen again. He's practically been an extra the past two weeks.
7 of 10 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on January 16, 2008 9:23 AM
JasonR, you are right on the money about the pizza/sex analogy.
Yeah, replaying the down might not be a good idea I thought there should have been something closure at game's end. "Coach Interference" was the call given with no mention of personal foul. To cut to CoachDick's lame excuse didn't feed my football fetish enough, I guess. They should have had a few Panther rednecks waiting for CoachDick outside the locker room to whip his ass. THAT would have been realistic!
Also, I thought I remembered them mentioning UT in the earliest episodes and now they're using this ficticious TMU. I know I'm in the minority of FNL fans wanting more football realism but come on. Maybe one of the writers is an Aggie or something. If that is true, I'd actually still watch which is a true test of my love for this show.
8 of 10 | Posted by TheVoiceOfReason | Posted on January 16, 2008 4:01 PM
I agree this episode was a little bleh - but still better than all other shows.
Screampillr - I can't believe that you didn't comment on the best line of the show: When Riggins told the trollop where their father lived if she wanted to go for the "Riggins Trifecta."
I think FNL is better than what they did with Coach Dick storyline - I mean the guy was a jerk, and, really, there are people out there in the world that act like that regardles of personal crisis. I hope that there is more to this storyline to come. Not that I like it, but it would explain FNL taking the "easy way" out, which is not like FNL.
I still feel that this season is too discombobulated. There are too many story lines, and too little attention to all of them. And, there's not enough football. I watch the show for the drama, not the football, but the football is the tie that brings it all together.
Oh, well. I just hope we get a season 3 because I would like a return to the magic of season 1. I hate for the show to go out on it's sophomore slump!
9 of 10 | Posted by lawyergal | Posted on January 17, 2008 6:14 AM
I didn't notice that picture of Gracie on Coach's desk but she definitely looks like a puppet in that picture. Kind of freaky.
I think the TMU coach at the end with the wooden acting skills and bad suit was Rick Barnes, the basketball coach at U of Texas. Pretty random but i thought i had read that somewhere and then when i saw him, it seemed like it made sense. That was before he opened his mouth though - that was truly awful acting.
Great recap -- I loved the line at the end about Laribee returning to the depths of hell from which it came.
10 of 10 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on January 20, 2008 9:21 PM