It's the week of Halloween so, naturally, our fav platinum whores on Girls Next Door are decorating the Playmate house. Why didn't the producers decide to air this tres trivial episode last week and air the actual freakin' Halloween ep this week? I can't say for sure, but I think I heard a certain maniacal laugh echoing from the E! offices. It's only a matter of time until the entire staff is dressed in uggs and booty shorts.
This week, Hef finds someone a little more realistic to marry. But then decides to kick her off the show because she is distracting the other dancers.
Where innocence comes to die.
Haaanyway, Holly and Bridget head over to the Playmate house because Hollza has decided that it needs to be renovated and turned into a bachelorette pad. So... hold up. I can't continue to write without addressing this - how CREEPY is it that 50 yards from the Playboy mansion, where the 82-year-old RaisinPerv lives with his three Stepford child brides, there live 11-odd 18-22-year-olds bunking six-to-a-bedroom with TWIN beds. It's like a college dorm, except instead of studying you are photographed naked, and instead of graduating you get to sleep with your grandpa.
Alright, I feel better. So since some fresh newly legal meat will be moving into the Playmate house, Holly plans her redecorations. "Ever body knows I'm a frustrated wannabe interior designer." Too bad, maybe if you hadn't effed up the gym redesign so bad Hef might have considered employing you after Chris Angel dumps yo ass.
OK, so Hollz master plan: remove the carpet with the throw-up stain, install a stripper pole, and paint the walls. ("We can all get high off the fumes!") But then we learn that our stoner mastermind has bigger aspirations: "What I really want to do is tear down the house and build, like, Versailles." Wow--just one "like" away from an intelligent sentence.
Holly decides to tell her ideas to Hef, who has apparently humped his filing cabinet so much it exploded.
"It just looked so sexy."
He tells Holly he wants the house to keep "that retro cool 50s/60s look." She retorts that she is going to make it pink and bright because it's a girl house. Good thing Hef's too old and feeble to argue.
Oh look, the first of the fresh meat is here. It's Laura Croft, 08 Playmate and fugitive video game character. But Laura seems to only have one suitcase with her. Maybe Laura's different. Maybe Laura isn't superficial and her suitcase is filled with books, and she's only living in the Playmate house so she can save on rent as she earns her biomed engineering degree at Berkley. OR she's running from her wife-beating Joe-the-Plumber husband back in Daytona. Yeah, I'm gonna go with the latter.
Super awkward non-transition to Kendra giving her car its monthly cleaning. The SUV's trunk and backseat are loaded with water bottles, shoes, clothes, trash, a watch, some dead bodies, the fat Britney Spears, and the other Lohan twin from The Parent Trap. Can you imagine if Kendrizzle didn't live in a place with an entire staff devoted to cleaning up after her? She'd be one of those strippers who needs a step ladder to get into her trailer because the floor is covered in four-feet of debris.
More new Playmates move in to the house - so Holly decides it's time to introduce them to cardio strip tease. It's pretty boring, until the instructor has them do some spread-eagle squats. (Maybe to practice how they should step out of their limo at red carpet premiers?) But one girl won't do it. "My kitten's staying hidden," she says. Listen, hun, you make your living by showing your naked kitten to millions of men around America, nay, the world. Why feign modesty at Planet Fitness?
That kitty sho' don't look right.
Once the girls get back to the house they find that the stripper pole has arrived. Hef revels in the girls testing their new shiny toy. "If there's one thing a girl can't resist, it's a stripper pole." Normally I would cry sexist generalization here, but recalling a particularly saucy night at London's Yates Bar makes me realize that Mr. Hefner is probably right. It also makes me realize how much I don't miss drunken Euro-trash.
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Comments (4)
i probably shouldn't cast stones since i am not writing recaps. but there is so much to this show that you could write about, the recap practically writes itself. your recaps are way too short, not all that interesting and it doesn't even seem like you like the show at all. the girls do and say some pretty inane things.
also on another note: have you noticed that there is a pecking order to the girls. holly and bridget always stand next to hef and kendra stands next to bridget. if they are all in bed together then the order is holly next to hef, then bridget next to holly and kendra is on the end. i wonder why they have that set up?
1 of 4 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on October 31, 2008 8:16 AM
I thought this was a very funny recap. The line about old man winter turning their vajayjays to dust was definitely a highlight. I'm so glad someone's covering this show, as it's been a guilty pleasure of mine for years.
2 of 4 | Posted by blanketessa | Posted on October 31, 2008 8:26 AM
Reckless -- Sorry this one didn't do it for you! Have to admit real life got in the way this week and I couldn't give this ep the time it deserved. Give me another shot? And if you notice funny stuff that I miss, please comment!
And good observation about the pecking order. We know Hollz is his #1 cuz she has the "honor" of sharing his bed full time, but why do you think Bridg is always before Ken?
Blanketessa -- Glad you liked it! I've been a closet fan since day one too.
3 of 4 | Posted by anglophista | Posted on October 31, 2008 9:32 AM
I think Bridget's always before Kendra mostly just based on seniority. Kendra was the last to be "added" so I think Bridget probably pulls rank.
I demand an expose on Mary. I, too, want to know what she was like in her younger days. She seems like the only woman on the planet Hef has any ounce of respect for and I'm curious as to how it became that way. Quite the mystery.
This episode was a little lame-o but I think you did great with what their was to work with!
4 of 4 | Posted by Hoolia | Posted on October 31, 2008 9:42 AM