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Back to the search of a half-century, Holly breaks the news to Hef that she's hitting the road for a seemingly random tri-city-tour (Chicago, Dallas, NYC) for an entire week. This "news" makes Heffy sad.

Hef: I'm gonna be very lonely.
Holly: No, you won't. I have a feeling.

The producers hint at what the Internet gossip mongers have been telling us for a while by imposing a pic of two similar looking girls - yup, a set of young, supple blonde twins are in Hef's future. And it seems that Holly might even bring them back to him from the massive Playmate search. Innocent, or a last-ditch attempt to sully Hef's reputation by introducing incest to the mansion? You are a diabolical one, Hollz.

Alllllright, let's get this roadtrip on the, er, air. First stop: Chicago. Playboy's hometown and where I spent my most recent business trip. I didn't make it to the original Playboy mansion (blast!) but I can imagine why Hef got his inspiration there - lots of wind to blow skirts up.

After a restful night at some swanky hotel, Hollz, Bridg, and a few other girls get ready to check out the Playmate auditions. While the other girls are preening and primping, Bridget makes a video for her radio show's website. Holly walks by and, naturally, moons the camera. Ah yes, nothing says good morning like a little ass cheek.

Boy, the wind is strong in this hotel room!

You can tell this is some of the other girl's first trip away from the Playmate house because they're super giggly and excited. One says she's really happy to be away from her boyfriend. Wait, you can have a bf while living at the Playmate house? You'd think Hef would have some kind of rule against that. How does that work? Does she and her bf spoon in her twin bed while seven other girls sleep around her freshman-dorm style? And what happens when Hef "calls" her? (Or are these girls not his beck-and-call sex slaves?)

Anyway, the girls head over to the Chicago Playboy office and there is mad drama because Playmate Kendal isn't supposed to see her photo spread because it's not in print yet. Why? Hef says so. But one of the other girl's issue is already in print, so she gets to take a copy home. Yay, now you can scan your naked photos and show your Mom so she doesn't have to buy a plastic-encased dirty magazine. Congratulations.

Next the girls finally make it to the hotel where the Chicago auditions are being held. On the way to the function hall, they pass a doorway that is labeled the "Madison Room." Holly gets excited. "Look, it's my room!" I can't imagine what she'd be like strolling down NYC's Madison Ave. Madison and 23rd. "Hey, it's my street corner!" Madison and 24th. "Ohmigod, my corner again!"

Once the girls finally make it to the audition room, they quickly learn that LA was only the tip of the shiteous slut iceberg. The grossest of them all was this, um, big-boned girl in a minuscule bikini. Now, I have nothing against slightly obese mentally handicapped people, but really? I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she got lost on her way to the Dove Campaign for Real Women auditions.

Holy sideboob, Batman!

And while some of the girls are better looking than our donut-loving friend, their minds were so empty they may as well have been that 1,000 pound man that just got married from his bed in Mexico.

As part of the audition process, each girl had to tell the camera why she wanted to be the 55th Anniversary Playmate. Based on their responses, I'm beginning to think that tribe in the South Pacific is right - cameras do steal your soul. Or at least your intelligence.

"I just want to be naked. It's the truth!" Um, then maybe you should move to Utah and join a nudist colony. I saw a show about nudists on "True Life: I'm a Nudist" and they seemed very happy.

"Kim Kardashian gave me motivation," says our Amazonian tiny bikini friend. Well, it's good to know Kim is making an impact on someone's life, or at least someone's meaningless existence.

All of this trashtasticness is even too much for our Playmates and you can clearly read the disgust on each of their faces. Hollz is disappointed. "I want to bring a Chicago girl home for Hef... Wait, not in that way!" Really? Not in that way? I thought that was the whole point of this episode series.

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Posted in Girls Next Door by Anglophista at 6:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Last Comment: chooch850 on Nov 15, 2008 11:22 PM.