Last time we saw the girls they were heading from Chicago to Dallas, the second city on their tri-city tour. Hollz, who is pretend in charge of the Anniversary Playmate casting, was bummed out by Chi-town's girls but is super hopeful for the Dallas prospects. She explains that loads of past Playmates are Texans and that Playboy is especially successful in finding girls in the South.

Hmmm, I wonder if that stat is because of the countless crack-baby trailer-trash jobless hos littering the land south of the Mason-Dixon line. Or maybe it's just so hot down there they can't help but take their clothes off. In front of photographers. For money. Nope, definitely the former. Now before all you Southerners reading this take offense - I know it's not your fault! My friend and colleague was a very respectable journalist when she lived in San Francisco, but since moving to Texas she's become a cracked out cokewhore. Say laa vee, right Southerners?

Anyways, Holly is also confident she'll find her girl in Dallas because everything is bigger in Texas. "We're looking for some big Ds in the big D," she laughs. Good play on words, Hollz. Well, play on letters, actually, but props just the same.

Unfort for Holly, once the girls start the video portion of the audition things go down hill. One girl tells the camera that she wants to be the 155th Anniversary Playmate. The camera guys scoff at her, but really, it's understandable--especially when you take a look at the editor-in-chief/crypt keeper.

Hollz and Bridg take a break from the human equivalent of white noise filling the audition room, and flip through the files of the girls who have already tried out. Holly chooses her three favs, but is still looking for "that fucking knock out." Cue the music and glittery effects.

All that glistens is not Anniversary Playmate material, bitch.

In walks Hope, a Texan-turned-Canadian-TV-host who, judging by the swirling stars superimposed around her, is just about perfect for the job. Holly has her sit down for a chat. Turns out the great-boobed Hope can string a sentence together.

"I think being the 55th Anniversary Playmate would be something grand." Um... "grand"? Is that what the CanadianTV hosts are saying these days? Those wacky Canucks, just can't keep up with their slang.

But Hollz isn't phased by Hope's fancy talk. In fact, she says the relatively successful Dallas casting has cheered her up - time to head to NYC. As the show fades to commercial, we hear Hollz singing "Start spreading your legs" to the tune of New York, New York. Sinatra would be so proud.

After the commercial break we learn that the GND producers were probably shitting themselves because we're 8 minutes deep and Kendra hasn't even had a cameo. Crap! Better send her to the wig shop.

Hey, is this horse hair? It reminds me of my great aunt Black Beauty

I guess this is part two of the "Give Kendra a Transvestite Makeover Because She Didn't Go On The Tri-city Roadtrip But We Have to Put Her in The Episode Because She's Our Cash Cow" segment.

First Kendra tries on a mullet. Laughs are had by all. Then she tries on a dark brown wig. "I definitely feel different as a brunette," she philosophizes. "I don't feel... blonde." Really? You still sound pretty blonde.

After examining herself with the straight dark hair, she announces she looks like a porn star... followed quickly by, "hahahaha just kidding!" I don't know about you guys, but I thought her horse-like laugh sounded extra horsy. I think she's hiding something.

Kendra worries that the curtains won't match the drapes. And then, just in case there's anyone out there who doesn't know what she's talking about, she says she's worried that she'll have to dye her pubes black. Thanks for clarifying, Kennster. In a white house 3,000 miles away, a man with satisfaction ratings nearing the single digits just guffawed in understanding.

Would you like curly fries or regular?

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Posted in Girls Next Door by Anglophista at 5:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Last Comment: reckless_saturn_11 on Nov 22, 2008 05:53 AM.