This week's Girls Next Door is filled with horses and, no, it's not a Wilkinson family reunion. Hef and the girls head over to Kentucky to trash-out the Derby. How fitting that they go to a state that has the initials KY.
Hate to break it to you Kendra, but your mom broke her leg and was put down last year. There, there, eat these oats.
We open on the girls hanging in Bridget's room almost as naturally as if all three of them really hang out anymore - Holly is doing leg and abs exercises on the floor and Kendra of off snorting coke in the corner while Bridget giggles vacantly at both of them.
Hef interrupts the girl talk to ask them if they want to go to the Kentucky Derby and some celebrity gala thingy. Private jet? Celebrities? Tacky fashion accessories? They're in!
Kendra and Bridget decide to go hat shopping and even though they are together you can tell that the 'Drizzler is the odd man out. The awkwardness is emanating out from my TV. The whole fakeness kinda makes me feel tricked - it's as if mom and dad are all smiles and kisses in public but dad sleeps on a cot down in the garage. Our little peroxide family just isn't what it used to be.
Back in the hat shop Ken and Bridg are faking it til they make it. Kendra pulls a swatch of fabric out of her bag, which turns out to be her Derby dress. She brought it to make sure she finds a hat that matches juuust right.
She doesn't want to be outdone.
She tries on a bunch of ridiculous hats just to see how silly she looks, so it's basically Kendra tries on wigs part deux. After donning one sombrero-like hat K declares that she looks like Speedy Gonzales, to which Bridget replies, and I quote, "Ha. Ha... Ha."
Come on, Bridg, I know you can fake it better than that! Especially after how well I heard you faking it for Hef last night when I was standing outside of the mansion with one of those hearing aid things they sell at CVS so old people can hear really faint sounds... Wait, did I write that out loud?
Anyway, for the second episode in a row Kendra points out that her head is way bigger than the average noggin and she winds up having to have a hat custom made. But not before she asks if she can have head surgery. Honey, I don't think anyone would oppose a lobotomy in this case.
Over at the mansion, Holly and her blonde minions are gluing My Little Ponies on to a white oversized Easter hat for Hollz to wear to the Derby. Oh come ON! You know if Kendra was the one sticking plastic neon toys on a Dollar Store hat Holly would be the FIRST to judge. What's the deal here? Maybe this is around the time when Hef first realized Holl was leaving him for Criss and he cut her allowance! Or maybe she just has really really bad taste.
The next morning everyone flies out to Louisville on Hef's private jet. I have to say, it's pretty astounding how at home the girls look on the plane. It's kind of sad that at that point in time private flights were the norm for them. Cut to five months down the line when Hollz and Kenny have been dumped by Criss and that football player, respectively, and are waiting tables at Dennys. Bet they'll wish they savored the luxury while they had it.
When they finally arrive at their hotel Hef and the girls are greeted first by paparazzi and then by strange hat-wearing ladies that line the hotel lobby like cheerleaders welcoming the home team into the stadium. Guess that goes to show how starved for celebrities Kentucky is.
Once everyone is settled in their rooms they all get ready and head out to the celebrity gala. At the red carpet there are rows and rows of screaming celeb gawkers behind barriers. They freak out when they see Hef and the girls, who sign a good amount of autographs and sake a bunch of hands. (I hope the 'Drizzler's type of herpes can't be transmitted by mere skin contact.) Even Kendra is humbled by the screaming strangers. Holly says she thought they might have mistaken her for someone else. Soak it up while you can, Hollz - you won't get that reaction on Criss's arm.
Nick: Maybe you should wear a name tag next time, bro
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