There is some drama when Hef is getting dressed because Holly decides to butt in and tell him she doesn't think a tie is required, even though the Heffster is already wearing one, because she knows he hates wearing ties. Hef indeed decides to take it off, but brings it along just in case. Girl, you've got to learn when to leave well enough alone.
I know my dad's not around, but figured I should wear a high neckline just in case.
At the Derby red carpet the gang is again greeted by tons of screaming fans and some press. There are also some C-list celebs (one step up from the "celebrity" gala), including Chelsea Clinton. I still cannot get over how much that girl's looks have improved since she was 13. Bet she really wishes her mom won the election just so she could have a second go at being first kid.
Since the Churchill Downs are so sprawling (and prob because the girls are teetering on their stilettos) Hef and Co. are driven by golf carts to their VIP box. Upon arrival, Kendra notices that they are sitting right next to a good amount of Patriots players. Even our Number 1 Chargers Fan admits that Tom Brady is beyond hot. Totally agree with her there, even though is is kinda a d-bag. I've seen him a few times at Pats training camp and he is always a hot mess, even with helmet hair. Sigh.
While they're waiting for the races to begin, Hef orders everyone $1,000 mint juleps, which are served in 24 karat gold cups. Apparently the drink proceeds to go the care of the horses or something, but for that money it should be the freakin' holy grail. (Ya know, the one from Indiana Jones that makes you live forever and heals Nazi bullet wounds.)
Careful -- if you are not worthy you will shrivel up and die. Don't believe me? Just ask Hef.
I just spent less than what that drink cost on a new MacBook and even I'm having a twinge of buyer's remorse -- and this laptop will last a good five years longer than that drink. That said, Bridget can't even drink hers because it's too strong. Bridg, honey, that drink cost one grand. Gulp it the eff down!
Next, everyone heads down to the bidding area to place their bets. Holly's theory is go big or go home and puts $1,000 of a horse named Pyro. Great, $2K out the window in a matter of minutes. Bridget, proving once again that she's the most logical, puts $250 on four different horses because she knows the whole point of the Derby (for high rollers at least) is to bet on a winner, not cash out.
Push it, Big Brown, push it!
At first Kendra is sure she wants to bet on a horsie called Big Brown. Hmmm, any guesses why? But at the last minute she puts $200 on some underdog because some random dude told her to. Jeez Kenny, even I didn't think you'd fall for such trickery.
Before heading back to their box, the girls head down to the stables and proceed to feed the horses countless mints. Lots of jokes about the horsies' minty fresh breath are made. But the girls hang with Kendra's extended family a little too long and have to scramble amongst the sea of gaudy hats to get back to their seats. Kendra, of course, still manages to find the time to sign a few autographs along the way.
The race finally begins and, what do you know, Big Brown wins. Kendra is upset with her horrible luck. Next time, go with your instincts instead of listening to some random asshole who's playing up in front of the cameras. Oh, wait, there won't be a next time because there's no way your soon-to-be husband will be able to take you to such events.
Bridget and Hef are happy because they had each placed some moola on Brownie. Bridg takes home $850. Good work, dude! Only leaving with $150 less than you came with.
To my dismay, this ep ends without having once referenced those replacement twins that we saw last week. Think they'll be on next week? Will you be able to handle watching the beginning of the transition? Will a blonde on blonde catfight break out?! (We can only hope.)
**Extra points to whoever comes up with the best one liner explaining why Kendra loved the name Big Brown.**
« Ugly Betty: Betty is as Hairy as a Y.E.T.I. | Main | America's Next Top Model: The McKey to Victory »