We start off with Holly flitting into Mary's office and, after they exchange "bonjours," Hollz sets the premise. The five girls in the running for Playboy's 55th Anniversary Playmate are coming out to the mansion to take another round of test shots and and try out Holly and Kendra's beds.

Over at the Playmate House the final five start to arrive. First up is Crystal, the chick Bridget accosted (OK, interviewed) at the Hooters in Chicago. Once playmate Valerie lets her in, Crys notices that there is a giant print of her mom's 1968 Playboy cover on the entryway wall. A house full of neon pink twin beds where an 82-year-old man could come sodomize you at any time AND a pic of your mom naked on the wall? Welcome to your nightmare, Crystal.

Now that's a family business.

Holly finally gets her ass over to the Playmate House just in time for the next girl to arrive. It's Dasha, a gorgeous Ukrainian Playmate who has brought along a translator because her Anglais es no bueno. I'm also fairly certain that she is a Soviet spy. Yes, I know Dasha is from Ukraine and that the USSR no longer exists. I just have a gut feeling.

I veel keep your seekrets. Bwahahahaha

And my stomach only grows queasier with the next Playmate hopeful, or should I say, hopefuls. The homewrecker twin whores have officially stepped on mansion soil. And life as we know is about to change forever.

The DoubleWhore Twins

The 18-year-old twhores are named Karissa and Kristina and are from Clearwater, FL. I recently vacationed in Clearwater and I knew that place was not right from the second I stepped into the five star resort my Korean friend's megalomanic mother had booked for us. Any place that hands you chilled glasses of champagne before you check in has darkness in its soul.

Holly is unimpressed with the twins because they pretty much walk right past her like they own the place when she opens the Playmate House door for them. Someone needs to teach them pretentious trailer trash etiquette.

All of the girls are chilling on the couch making vapid small talk. Holly asks the twhores if they've ever been to Cali before. They say that they haven't and they are most impressed with how crowded it is. Even Holly, master of every social situation, can't think of any response to this vanilla comment on one of the most interesting states in the nation. A super long awkward silence ensues.

So, anyone read the latest Rushdie novel? Not as good as the other ones, right? Right? Right?

In their testimonial, the twins waste no time scoping out the present competition and decide that they've got a stiletto up on the other girls because there's two of them. They did the botched math and boast that 1 + 1 = 55th Anniversary Playmate(s). I really hope Holly smacks these cocky hos in their faces before this season is over.

Anyway, the awk silence in the Playmate House is broken when the third contender arrives. (I'm counting the twins as one since the universe wouldn't know the difference if one was lost forever in the back of Kendra's SUV.) It's Orange County girl Jessica, who Holly, the self-proclaimed MySpace Troll, found online. She seems nice, but doesn't have much to add to the conversation other than complaining about all the traffic she hit on her way north. Well, I guess it's better than listening to the wind rush through five hollow minds.

She's already scratching. That can't be good.

Now that the painful chitchat is out of the way, Holly takes the ladies on their first tour of the mansion. I thought it was really symbolic when they first walk through into the main foyer and there is a giant framed copy of Holly, Bridget, and Kendra's Playboy cover. I have a feeling that's Hollz version of pissing on her territory.

Subtle.

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Posted in Girls Next Door by Anglophista at 11:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Last Comment: LNNC92 on Dec 9, 2008 10:16 AM.