Last week's episode ended with Hef revealing his fav three 55th Anniversary Playmate candidates, none of which where the home-wrecking twhores. So why didn't Mr. Hefner bounce dem hos' asses out of the mans?Apparently, each of the six (ehh, five and a half?) girls has scored herself a Playmate pictorial. And they're all going to shoot them this week and continue crashing at the mansion. Blast! This must be the time when the twins make their diabolical move on the Hefster.

We open with the girls hanging in the mansion hallways. Hope is wearing her freaking sailor hat that we were introduced to last episode. Hef tells her she looks like a cute first mate. Seriously, could he BE any punnier??

So can I have my check, mate?

And if you listen closely, you hear one of the girls mention that they went skinny dipping in the grotto AGAIN the night before. Then one of the twins goes, "Was that before or after the shaving cream?"

There are only three possible things those nimrods could have done with shaving cream. One -- Take turns slipping ruffies in each other's drinks, then putting shaving cream on the unconscious's hand and tickling their nose with a feather. Two -- Slather shaving cream on Holly and Kendra's cars so it ruins their paint jobs and erases all traces of blood from Kendra's hit and run from earlier in the night. And three -- shave each other's coochies. Which do you think went down?

In one of the most boring filler scenes yet, girls next door, playmates, and soon-to-be playmates alike head to a theme park. Didn't Hollz, Bridg, and some random playmates just go to Coney Island? Maybe large quantities of silicone seeping into your chest increases thrill-seeking tendencies.

Holly says going to the theme park is a good way to get to learn the girls personalities. You can learn how high maintenance they are and how fun they are. Ooor at least get to learn about their digestive track in reverse. Hope has never been on a rollercoaster before, but only complains for about five seconds before submitting. Guess the fact that playmates don't have strong wills should go without saying.

The best part of the outing is that we got to see Dasha, the Ukrainian (coughcoughRussianSpy), binge on a big chunk of Americana. First, Holly buys her a giant pickle and Dasha looks horrified. She's probably worried she might be awakened by a similar-looking creature one night in the Playmate House.

But much much softer.

Next Holly makes Dasha eat fried dough and a slurpie. Wait a minute, I see what's going on here! This must somehow be the twin's ploy to fatten their competition up so she'll have so many fat rolls in her next photo shoot that she can't possibly win 55th Anniversary Playmate and they'll have to take her place. Like I said, diabolical.

After everyone has eaten (and likely purged) their fill, the girls head over to the token old-fashioned photo studio. Everyone dresses up as a slutty (aka nipples nipples everywhere) barmaid. That is everyone except Kendra, who, in the words of Bridget, "insisted on being a boy." Surprised?

And she loves it. "I'm your pimp bitch," gloats the white trash rapper. "You're my ho!." Wow, someone has control issues.

OK, lameo filler scene over. Now time for the girls centerfold shoots over at the Playboy studios. But there's some bad news -- these scenes are even lamer!

Hawt

Hope goes first this time. In her testimonial she tells this creepy story about how she saw her first Playboy mag when she was snooping in her father's closet when she was seven years old. The creepiest part of this tale is that her already-warped mind thought, "Hey, I'd like to be in this someday" instead of "Ew, why is my dad looking at naked women who aren't my mom, and why don't these girls have morals? Or at least pasties?"

We learn that Hope hosts not just a Canadian TV show, but a Canadian fashion TV show. They play a clip of her on some icy Canadian red carpet and boy does she SUCK. I dunno about you guys, but I have no idea what Holly, or anyone else for that matter, sees in this girl. She is the definition of a pretentious b(wh)ore.

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Posted in Girls Next Door by Anglophista at 10:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Last Comment: trister on Dec 18, 2008 05:38 PM.