This week's episode of Girls Next Door doesn't feature the evil twins. Yaaaaay! Better yet, Kendra is organizing an event. And not just any event, a slutty softball game with just a hintof lesbianism. Consider it an early Chrismukkah gift from our fav E! producers.
This chick might be a little more realistic for ya, Hef. Just a Christmas suggestion.
We start off with Kendra accosting Hef, who is chillaxing on his bed as usual, and telling him about her big idea. She wants to start a Playboy Softball League, or maybe a Playboy Softball Weekend. Kendra herself would take the responsibility of scouting the girls and designing the uniforms. How selfless of her.
"Who doesn't want to see a bunch of hot girls running around in booty shorts, scraping their legs?!" she asks Hef, in what I can only guess is an attempt to convince him that her idea is a good one. I think he was with you up to the bloody leg part, Kenny. What kind of softball spectator's thought process is, "Oh those girls are hot. Ooooh they're BLEEDING!"
Hef, probably willing to do anything to make that horselike voice cease, agrees to the scheme. "As with many things, you got me at hello." OK, one, you messed that line up. And two, we've finally learned how Kendra convinced Hef to let her move in in the first place -- hypnotism via common greetings.
Just don't scrape your boobies, please. They're worth a lot to me.
Luckily, Kendrizzle realizes she can't plan this whole shindig on her own, so she turns to master of slutty ceremonies Holly. Kendra is excited because this is her one big chance to be a party planner. (Reading between the lines, it's the last time she will be able to spend thousands of someone else's dollars on inane frivolity.)
Kendra asks Brian the Butler to help her, and Holly jumps right in and requests a hot dog stand. Not again with the hot dogs! You better make damn sure you have the right freaking yellow mustard SANS specks, or Bridget will dijon yo ass. Kendra requests a lot of beer. Great, sweaty, bleeding, and belching skanks. Could this get any better?
Now this next scene I actually saw on The Soup before this episode aired, and I've been frothing at the keyboard to recap it ever since. It's when Kendra goes to an American Apparel to choose some skimpy softball uniforms, and meets her identical twin from bizarro opposite land. It's Jonny, a super gay version of Kendra avec man parts.
Jonny ushers Kendra into a freight elevator (what kind of American Apparel is this?!) and immediately tells her that she's so hot she's turning him straight. Kendra has never heard such flattery before in her life. "No, you're turning me gay!" she retorts. She quickly realizes that statement sounds too convincing, so she throws in a limp wrist for effect.
There's someone for everyone.
After they both gab and giggle at each other simultaneously for a few minutes, Jonny realizes the elevator has not been moving. He, Kendra, and his two purse-sized dogs (did I mention the dogs?) are trapped. Sweet Jesus -- E!, you may have just stumbled upon your next reality show.
Unfortunately, Jonny mans up and shrieks for help through the freight elevator's grate door. The security guard standing five feet away moseys to their rescue. Damn.
Finally arriving in the store, Kendra and J-boy pick out several pieces of athletic gear -- aka tanks, Ts, and short shorts -- for Kenny to test out. She goes into the dressing room while Jonny and the doggies wait outside. Well, one of the doggies at least.
The other dog, apparently horny for some plastic titties, sneaks under Kendra's dressing room door to check out what's going on. Jonny is scandalized and yells at him. Hey, dogs can experiment too, Jon.
Kendra runs into some other dressing-room trouble in that only one of her nipples is hard. She is perturbed, and commands it, "get hard, get hard!" That's what happens when someone cuts your nips off, stuffs your boobies with saline sacks, and sews them back on. Just ask that tacky over-emotional karate surgeon on Dr. 90210.
The 'Drizzler ultimately chooses some booty shorts and tanks in blue and red. She also orders hef a Member's Only-style jacket, that Kendra likens to pajamas. She wants to have it embroidered with "Team Hef, 1953." She's also having the girls' uniforms screen printed, but we have to wait to find out what they say.
You're being taught by the wrong guy, hon.
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Comments (2)
Bridg has always been my favorite. Holls was in denial about Hef for far too long and Kendra, well, she is just a horse laugh. Bridget does have an education. One of the benefits of living in the mans is an education allowance. There is also a plastic surgery allowance and a general allowance. Our Bridg got her masters and has used connections from the show and being Hef's gf to get some jobs. And about the twins? I assumed they had to get back to grade school.
1 of 2 | Posted by Quean CeCe | Posted on December 27, 2008 3:35 PM
Hey Anglophista!!
I really enjoyed this recap and how you gave us some of your personal feelings on the girls!! Bridge to me is the best one too. Yet again, great remarks and comments all through out while still getting the point of the episode across!!
2 of 2 | Posted by shannon7z | Posted on December 29, 2008 10:35 AM