We open up at a school bazaar on Christmas Eve, where Serena and Dan are browsing for useless crap and Dan's complaining about the lack of snow. Vanessa unfortunately shows up (does she not have her own school functions to go to? Seriously, this girl needs to get a life), and announces that she secretly entered Dan's writing in a contest and he won. For his prize, he's getting a story titled "10-8-05" published in the New Yorker. Dan seems decently excited, but come on, it's the @#$% New Yorker, dude! Serena asks Dan what that date signifies, and he dodges the question faster than Britney dodges her court-appointed monitor. Not too quick on the uptake, Serena doesn't notice the dodge and instead decides to get pissy and jealous that Vanessa got Dan such a great gift. Yawn.

Rufus and Mrs. Humps arrive at the bazaar and immediately bump into Lily and Bart Bass, aka Upchuck Senior. Awk-ward. Lily introduces Bart as Bartholomew, which makes me giggle because I'm evidently seven and that's a silly name. Lily and Bart make a quick exit, and politely squabble about the status of their relationship. Looks like they're now technically "public" but Lily's still being super cautious and suspicious. He's a Bass - he can't keep it in his pants. Good call. Meanwhile, Rufus and Mrs. Humps make snide remarks about Lily being a fortune hunter. Hey, if your true love's currently married to a wretched hag of a woman, why not start setting up some sweet alimony payments? I'm just sayin'.

Blair runs up to Lily and Bart and begins fishing for information about Chuck, since he's been somewhat MIA lately. Umm, Blair, you're the one who told him to take a hike and leave you alone. You can't have your cake and purge it too. Bart reveals that Chuck's lounging around in Monaco, seducing cabana boys, and Blair tries to hide her shock before scurrying off. She goes outside to text Chuck, asking him what's up with that, when Serena appears. Blair tries to brush her off, explaining that her gay dad's plane has already arrived and she has to get home to see him. She then elaborates, explaining that her plan is to convince her dad to stay permanently in New York, since Europe and his gay lovers are just a phase. Something tells me that coming out of the closet, divorcing your wife, and taking up a gay lover on the other side of the world is more than just a phase. At the very least, it's a mid-life crisis.

With Nate and Chuck out of town, Blair's turned to more creative ways of ... entertaining herself

As Blair's getting in a cab, Serena whines about what to get Dan that'll beat Vanessa's publication announcement, and Blair sarcastically suggests a new outfit for Dan's Cabbage Patch doll. Hey, here's an idea - let Dan cash in his V card at the Serena Bank & Trust. Sure, the place has a weird odor, and there are some strange growths on the walls, but a bank's a bank, right?

Blair arrives home and squeals with delight when she sees her father already there. But turns out gay dad has a little surprise for her - Roman, his European boy toy! Blair smiles painfully and does a decent job of being pleasant, but Roman better hold on tight - Blair's about to become an even bigger diva than Cher, Celine, and Babs combined.

In the ghetto, the Humphreys are decorating their Christmas tree as Dan riffles through the mail, reading aloud the various Christmas cards in the stack. He gets to one card from "Alex" and reads aloud its request that Mrs. Humps meet him before Dan realizes what it is he's reading. Rufus takes the card, and after a few tense moments gamely announces that it's no big deal and Christmas is still on.

You're right. I better double-bag it

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Posted in Gossip Girl by LoLo at 6:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Last Comment: LoLo on Jan 13, 2008 04:47 PM.