Gossip Girl: Blair's Cruel Intentions

This week on Gossip Girl, we have to deal with a lot of Vanessa, but the payoff makes it more than worth it. Plus, Dan is surprisingly likable and I get the recap posted at reasonable speed.

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All together now, Chair 'shippers: "EEEEK!"

We open at a Bass-VDW breakfast with Bart announcing he's actually going to be sticking around for a while, including for his and Lily's big housewarming party. Eric hesitantly asks if he can bring a friend, and that coupled with the previouslies focusing on his homosexuality suggests to be that Eric may finally be getting some luvin! Let's see if Lily can be an even worse mother this time around than when she first found out he's gay. Lily wants Serena to wear a conservative suit to the party -- in other words, shirts cut down to her nipples are a no-no this week -- and Bart segues that into a discussion on the new family guidelines, such as group dinners, weekend curfews, and no going out on weeknights. Like those will ever happen, even though they are totally normal parental rules. Serena, who usually is on her best behavior around parents, gets uncharacteristically defiant and snotty, but neither Chuck nor Eric are too pleased with this turn of events, either. Wah, wah.

In the ghetto, Vanessa is yet again pathetically hanging around Dan's place early on a school day, this time yapping about getting some building landmark status. She gives an anti-establishment rant because she's "hip" and "alternative" or some shit, and asks Dan to gather signatures from the guilty rich at school for her petition. When Dan protests that Constance and St. Judes have the rich but not guilty, Vanessa snidely suggests that maybe their mommies and daddies would like a new bullshit cause. Umm, what exactly do you think your involvement with this landmark status is, V? Pot, meet kettle. Vanessa and Jenny then spy a soccer ball in Dan's bag, and Dan uncomfortably admits the school whore gave half the soccer team mono, and Nate's asked him to fill in as an alternate -- after the paraplegic kid turned him down. As Vanessa looks more like she's been kicked in the face than normal, Dan obliviously heads for school, with V and her dumbass petition in tow.

Eric and Serena are now walking to school, with Serena continuing to throw a shit fit over the new rules, predicting that taking away TV privileges will be next and arguing that they are all Bart's ideas that Lily is deferring to. Eric hilariously mentions that no one actually watches TV on TV anymore (the CW's mantra for explaining GG's buzz factor yet low ratings), while trying to interject that Serena is overreacting and Lily is not Bart's puppet the way S thinks she is. Serena's being a total brat, but she's definitely right about Lily -- we all know that woman mentally checks out and lets her vagina lead her to the largest bank account it can find. At Eric's urging, Serena agrees to relax but darkly promises she won't let Bart run her life if he tries. In other news, Eric's hair has once again taken a turn for the worse.

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"Thank God at least she didn't end up with Rufus! Can you imagine those rules? I would not look good in plaid flannel, and mentally undressing members of the opposite sex half my age gives me the creeps. I mean, I might as well be Michael Jackson."

At school, Nate and Dan are talking soccer when Chuck approaches, grasps Nate by the shoulder and suggests that it's time he ended his bromance with Dan. Nate's brow furrows in confusion, seeing as though Chuck's the one grabbing at him, not Dan, and when he wakes up from spending the night partying with Dan, he doesn't get memory flashes days later that make him feel shameful and in the need of a hot shower. Nate chooses to ignore Chuck and walks away, motioning for Dan to follow. But Chuck's not alone for long as Blair, who witnessed that exchange, strolls up to twist that knife a little deeper just like the girl we love.

Gossip Girl: Blair's Cruel Intentions Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6  |  7 

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Comments (3)

preppyboy:

great recap! while im happy they gave eric a boyfriend, im kinda upset he wasnt hotter... why did he have to be an indie wannabe like half the cast?

DaffyMaiden:

Why, Blair, why??????????? (I'm a little upset, LOL.)

msu11y28:

I like the Chuck/Blair cat and mouse game, it hasn't gotten old for me (yet). I kind of like that he's pursuing Vanessa (sorry LoLo!), not because I like Vanessa, but because I like seeing the vulnerable side of Chuck. So I hope the back and forth continues for a while.

The whole Cedric thing was 10x funnier to me, because when I hear that name, I picture Cedric from Laguna Beach season 3, he of the highly questionable sexuality/relationship with Jason.

As for Jenny, I have NO clue how they're going to explain how she becomes a punk rock wannabe overnight. And if the promos were any indication, it looks like a Jenny-centric episode...barf. I hate her even more than Vanessa (who by the way, the author of the books also hates. Not the actress, but just how the character's portrayed...I guess in the books Vanessa has a shaved head, wears all black, and is a total badass. Maybe some readers of the books could shed more light)

Great recap!

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