We begin our episode with one of the most cliche scenes ever; a male (in this case it's our very own Dan Humphrey) walking down the street after gettin' some. He's high fiving guys walking down the sidewalk, and saying things like "top of the morning" to random strangers.

Gossip Girl does a voiceover to say that memory is selective, and we get a clip of Dan's pornograph-ied memory of the infamous threesome he had with Weavy and Hilary Duff last week.

Cut to Serena walking down the street, and leaving Queen Bee another voicemail. It's the thirtieth time she's called, and she wants to make it clear that nothing is going on between her and Tripp, oh yeah, and she sick of fighting with Blair, and just wants to be friends again. Really though, what she wants is to convince Blair that nothing's happening, even if something is happening, that way maybe she can convince herself that nothing is happening. Gossip Girl tells us that "as James Frey" once said, "the truth always comes out". I'm sure people have said that before James Frey, he just didn't listen to them and that's why he's in the situation that he's in as of now.

In the park Queen Bee is ignoring Serena's calls because she doesn't converse with "liars or Lewinskys". Serena is definitely more Gennifer Flowers than Monica Lewinsky, but I get what you were trying to do, writers. Bass tells Bee that it's possible she's just making something up in her mind, but she tells him that in the second grade she saw her gym teacher giving Laverne Glazer's mother the "glad eye", and not only did it earn her the first "A + +" in gym in Constance history, but she realized that her sexual tension radar is uncanny.

She tells Bass that nobody at NYU cares if your four fathers made pumpkin pie at Plymouth. They only care about whether or not your father makes profits for Paramount. Sidenote: There must be a new writer on staff, because there's way too much alliteration in this scene...Plymouth, pumpkin pie, profits...it just reeks of fresh meat trying to prove themselves. Anywhoot, she tells Chuck that she's going to try to win over the Tisch kids (spawn of moguls and movie stars), and secure an alliance. Doesn't it always seem like Queen Bee is preparing to go into battle? Seriously, what great war is this chick mobilizing for, and should I be concerned?

She asks if Bass would like to join her, and he tells her that he's promised to show the son of a high ranking diplomat around the city, so he's be unable to participate in her shenanigans. Sigh, I love them together, but can't they just break up so that we can piss and moan for them to get back together? Half of what was so great about them last season was the struggle. We don't even get hot hook up scenes from them anymore! Come on writers, you've gotta give me something to work with!

We cut to Dan telling Nate about his threesome experience. Nate is absolutely flabbergasted. How stupid can Dan be? The third person is ALWAYS supposed to be someone you don't know. Dan doesn't understand because he's an idiot, he wonders how Nate knows everything about threesomes, and who made him the Sex Guru. Nate tells him that he knows about threesomes because he's been to Europe, and Chuck Bass is his best friend. I consider that a suitable answer. Dan tells him that the fact that Weavy is such good friends with them is what made it so great. Nate tells him that he knows from personal experience that Weavesquatch is very vocal when she's blumping, and that couldn't have been easy for Hilary Duff to hear. Dan tells him that Vanessa is fine with it, Duff is fine with it, and he doesn't understand why Nate is being such a Donny Downer.

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Posted in Gossip Girl by Rocksmiles at 12:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: Memememe on Nov 25, 2009 02:59 PM.