This week on Gossip Girl, the crew returns to school, and even with minimal Blair-Chuck interaction, we have the best episode of the season thus far!
"You know, I'm getting really sick of how strict the dresscode is here, Dan."
It's the first day of senior year for our favorite UESiders, and GG tells us that the newly-single Serena is on top of the world. I would be too if I'd finally gotten rid of sad-sack Humphrey. We join her, Eric, and Lily eating breakfast, where Lily's gushing about how Bart Bass wore flip-flops on their honeymoon and never suspected that she banged Rufus the morning of their wedding. It's so romantic!
Chuck quickly joins them, and delights in breaking the Serena/Dan breakup news to Lily, while telling Serena that it's time to stop letting Dan hold her back and claim her throne as queen. Not if Blair has anything to say about it, I'm thinking. Somewhat inaccurately calling Chuck a eunuch (flaccid would be better), Serena insists she has no intention of usurping that title, which of course means it's only a matter of time until she does.
Chuck and Eric leave for mimosas in the limo, while Lily lightly grills Serena for the breakup details. She says she'll be okay, but is worried about seeing Dan every damn day now with school. Speaking of, Dan's in the ghetto, also worried about the post-breakup awkwardness. But not too worried to give Rufus shit about the Vanessa-ringer he's dating sneaking out that morning. Klassy. Jenny joins them and half-heartedly tries to convince Rufus to let her ditch school, since it's "draft day" -- where Blair & the minions determine which girls have potential and will be "projects", and which girls are total losers and will be "victims". As a former failed project, Little J is not looking forward to another draft, but Rufus ships her off to school anyway.
"Can't I just stay here and pretend not to hear you having sex with Vanessa look-alikes? It's just slightly less emotionally scarring."
We head over to school, where draft day is already awesomely in swing. Blair & the minions are holding court on the steps as girls approach for evaluations -- complete with resumes and interviews. Conspicuously missing is the midget, Hazel. In watching applicants crash and burn, we learn two no-nos for getting drafted -- don't have season tickets to the Knicks, and don't wear last season's designer flats. What does work is plopping a gigantic, hideous bow in your hair and offering to whore out your brother and his friends.
Chuck's taking full advantage of draft day by getting his hands on the applicants' dossiers and determining which lucky ladies will get to try to get Mr. Chuckie to stand at attention. He drops one off with Blair personally, explaining it's for a new transfer student. She taunts him about how she and JaMarcus are better than ever, which Chuck barely responds to. Odd. Maybe he's too busy wondering if the Living Doll that should arrive today will do the trick. He sent them a picture of Blair and everything.
Nate tracks down Vanessa -- wearing a purple shirt, red leggings/jeans, and mounds of tacky gold jewelry -- in Brooklyn, and tries to figure out why she ran out on him at the party last episode. It's Nate, so this could take at least a couple of seasons. Vanessa doesn't budge, and tells him they were never even friends before running off to catch the Fraggle Rock rerun about to start.
"You're blowing me off for a show about muppets that live in a cave?"
Back at school, Dan is skulking at Jenny's beautiful wood-paneled locker, looking for Serena in the girls' hallway. Not knowing that Serena had spotted him earlier and avoided him, he whines about not running into her while Jenny freaks out when the minions walk by and completely ignore her. Realizing they both suck at life, the Humphreys separate, and Dan heads over to the boys' part of the building. But before he can get very far, he literally bumps into a dowdy brunette with some very unfortunate blunt-cut bangs and an annoying voice. She introduces herself as Amanda -- the transfer student Chuck was telling Blair about.
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Comments (12)
OMG I've been waiting all week for this recap.
This was definitely one of the best episodes ever. I waited the whole first season for Serena to go back to her old ways and take over as Queen bee.
Although I love the Serena/Blair friendship it'll be very interesting to see them fighting for power.
Also just a side note: I think it's cute when Serena and Blair call each other "S" and "B" but when Dan walked into the coffee shop and called Vanessa "V" I gagged because it sounded so contrived.
1 of 12 | Posted by cherin | Posted on September 26, 2008 5:41 AM
I haven't finished reading this yet, but I just wanted to point this out before I forget...US Weekly recently voted the chick that plays Vanessa one of the "25 Most Stylish New Yorkers"...not sure what her "real-life" style is, but I feel like this is based mostly on her character...that said, I also hate Vanessa and her look!
I'm getting a little annoyed at how easily plots are tied up on this show...the Serena murder reprival, the call to Georgina's parents, and now the Duchess and Marcus get shipped out...would have liked to see more conflict stem out of that... ok back to the recap!
2 of 12 | Posted by msu11y28 | Posted on September 26, 2008 8:16 AM
hilarious!
i *also* thought dan went all the way to brooklyn, but v-snatch was already on the other side of the bridge.
3 of 12 | Posted by matzboy | Posted on September 26, 2008 12:40 PM
Will you be my BFF? You always have the nicest recaps.
4 of 12 | Posted by alex_w | Posted on September 26, 2008 4:57 PM
I look foreward to ur recaps almost as much as the show.
Serena as Queen Bee is awesome. No more boring/insecureness from being around Dan. GG was in such a rut wih the dan/serena dating plot, and it was so much better this week when they were broken up.
Vanessa sucks, straight up, at everything. I love how u antagonize her!
5 of 12 | Posted by kellyhp12 | Posted on September 26, 2008 11:32 PM
I am not a fan of any of the guest stars GG brings in. Georgina, Duchess, Cabbage Patch, Marcus...they're all really annyoing. I can't decide if it makes me want to watch the show more or less.
6 of 12 | Posted by heygirl | Posted on September 27, 2008 2:51 PM
I really hope CP/Amanda never returns. I could not stand her voice. I wonder if she really speaks like a baby, or if she did it for this part?
Vanessa and Dan suck. I can't stand how judgemental the two of them are. I knew Vanessa was going to screw up Blair's plan.
I don't like S as the queen. She was so creepy at the end fixing Blair's hair.
7 of 12 | Posted by blairwaldorf | Posted on September 27, 2008 3:28 PM
OMG the captions were hilarious! great job
Does anybody else get the new episodes on sunday nights? Halfway through the fashion week one...so far its pretty good!
8 of 12 | Posted by Muisey77 | Posted on September 28, 2008 4:35 PM
*cough* it's bollocks not bullocks - testicles not baby bulls. Though I suppose getting British words wrong is very apt for JaMarcus and this might just be very subtle satire on your part.
This episode has finally upped the pace of what has been a rather slow season. I'm glad your recap managed to match the standard.
Also is one of the conditions of Serena becoming 'queen' that everyone has to wear stupid head scarves? Not cool.
9 of 12 | Posted by xlittlemissparanoidx | Posted on September 29, 2008 3:46 AM
Did anybody else notice how ratty Jenny's purse was? You would think she would just make a new one being that she wants to be a fashion designer!
10 of 12 | Posted by flowie623 | Posted on September 29, 2008 11:03 AM
Did anybody else notice how ratty Jenny's purse was? You would think she would just make a new one being that she wants to be a fashion designer!
11 of 12 | Posted by flowie623 | Posted on September 29, 2008 11:03 AM
Just finished watching this show (late) and reading the recap (late). This episode was all kinds of AWESOME!!!
1. Return of ballsy Serena = Hell yeah!!
2. No more Nate and Vanessa = Hell yeah!
3. Dufus Rufus making Lily understand she can't have her cake and eat it too = Hell yeah!
4. Dan finally understanding how blessed he was to have Serena as his gf = Hell to the Y-E-A-H!
I figured JaMarcus and Stepmommy were getting down because of how possessive she was about JM ("she never likes any of my gfs! *whine*). We already saw how she gets by how she dealt with Nate and V.
But GG really surprised me with the Chuck/Cabbage Patch twist. My jaw literally dropped wide open. I think he's trying to take anything that Blair values away from her. His reasoning could be that a vulnerable Blair will be submissive. It's hard to tell if Chuck actually loves Blair or just enjoys the challenge of destroying her. Maybe a little bit of both??
Bye bye JaMarcus. Won't miss ya. They can't put him on a plane fast enough for me. But Catherine? I like her as a Blair nemesis. Speaking of Blair nemesis's, I'm liking the recycled B v. S plot. This time, S looks like she's gonna embrace the showdown. Ironic how Dan's self-righteous preaching opened this can of worms. (When are Dan and Vanessa gonna realize they're soulmates in judgmentalism?)
I don't care about Jenny. I'm rooting for the minions to make her life miserable.
Btw, I'm starting a petition to bring back Hazel.
LoLo, this was an amazing recap to a great episode. I agree with you that this is one of the best. My favorite actually....
12 of 12 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on September 30, 2008 12:00 AM