Dan's standing around, waiting for Cabbage Patch to show for their lunch date, when Chuck approaches and breaks the bad news about CP's defection. Dan's confused why Blair would want anything to do with CP's loserness, and Chuck spells it out for him -- if CP joins the inner circle, girl code prevents her from dating an ex of Serena's. Dan insists Serena wouldn't do that, and Chuck dares him to prove him wrong. Chuck bails before Dan can get too self-righteous, and an emergency call from Vanessa prevents us from having to deal with that, either. For once I'm thankful to her.
Blair, Serena, CP & the minions are eating lunch, and Blair wastes no time informing CP about Dan & Serena, and how Dan is therefore unavailable to her. Cabbage Patch responds somewhat snottily, telling Blair that she "pretty much" gets that. Enraged, Blair leans in for the kill, only to be stopped by Serena, who informs B she will not be a part of this and is going to find Dan to apologize. God, even when broken up, Serena feels the need to apologize to Humphrey for things she didn't do.
Dan has gone to meet Vanessa, and is busy looking at the incestuous, photographic proof of Catherine and JaMarcus. Vanessa doesn't want to get directly involved (since it could result in Catherine telling the feds where Cappy McDouche is hiding), but knows she has to do something besides sitting around a coffee shop and ordering old Hypercolor t-shirts off Ebay. After thinking for a moment, Dan suggests she go to Blair, since if you google "revenge" you get "BlairWaldorf.com." V's not thrilled with the idea, but Dan thinks it's the best option to show Blair the picture while wearing protective clothing. He then excuses himself to go talk to Serena, telling Vanessa that "we'll see" when she asks if everything's okay. Prepare yourself, S. Self-righteous lecture at 2 o'clock.
"I'm thinking if I play my cards right, I can get her to apologize for global warming, gas prices, and this year's Emmys."
Since lunch lasts 4 hours at their school, Dan has now returned from Brooklyn to find Serena at Constance. He immediately begins his bullshit, ignoring her attempts to explain that it was all Blair and that she wanted no part of it and left. "So... you were part of it, then had second thoughts?" Aggh, I wish I could reach through my TV and strangle this douche! He then condescendingly lectures her about how she needs to stop turning things into a competition. As I'm starting to lose all my respect for Serena yet again, she finds those balls she grew last week and lets Dan know that if there was a competition for who could move on first, she'd run circles around him. She could be half blind and only have one leg, and that'd still be true. Serena flounces off -- hopefully to have a lot of sex and be interesting again -- and Cabbage Patch replaces her, asking Dan what they're doing tonight. That is, besides sitting around talking about how great he is and how flat-irons are just a fad.
Vanessa has decided to take Dan's advice, and is now showing the picture to Blair (who looks amazing in this scene). Tearfully, Blair first threatens that Vanessa and Dan better keep their mouths shut, and then insists she will take care of it. And I cannot wait to see how... looks like kitty might be getting declawed.
Later that night, Dan and Cabbage Patch have shown up at a trendy restaurant/bar for their date. Dan takes one look around and realizes that not only can he not afford this place, but odds are B, S, or someone from their crew will be there. CP rolls her eyes (I think, there's too much bangage) and insists that it's "time to send a message!" STFU, CP, you've been here, what, 29 minutes? As he expected, they're spotted -- and photographed -- within seconds by Penelope and Isabel, who are not only pissed that Dan's out with CP, but view him bringing her to this kind of place a declaration of war. As GG tells us, "sound the trumpets, strumpets." Love. It.
"The director better get this in 1 take, because I sure as hell am not eating twice."
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Comments (12)
OMG I've been waiting all week for this recap.
This was definitely one of the best episodes ever. I waited the whole first season for Serena to go back to her old ways and take over as Queen bee.
Although I love the Serena/Blair friendship it'll be very interesting to see them fighting for power.
Also just a side note: I think it's cute when Serena and Blair call each other "S" and "B" but when Dan walked into the coffee shop and called Vanessa "V" I gagged because it sounded so contrived.
1 of 12 | Posted by cherin | Posted on September 26, 2008 5:41 AM
I haven't finished reading this yet, but I just wanted to point this out before I forget...US Weekly recently voted the chick that plays Vanessa one of the "25 Most Stylish New Yorkers"...not sure what her "real-life" style is, but I feel like this is based mostly on her character...that said, I also hate Vanessa and her look!
I'm getting a little annoyed at how easily plots are tied up on this show...the Serena murder reprival, the call to Georgina's parents, and now the Duchess and Marcus get shipped out...would have liked to see more conflict stem out of that... ok back to the recap!
2 of 12 | Posted by msu11y28 | Posted on September 26, 2008 8:16 AM
hilarious!
i *also* thought dan went all the way to brooklyn, but v-snatch was already on the other side of the bridge.
3 of 12 | Posted by matzboy | Posted on September 26, 2008 12:40 PM
Will you be my BFF? You always have the nicest recaps.
4 of 12 | Posted by alex_w | Posted on September 26, 2008 4:57 PM
I look foreward to ur recaps almost as much as the show.
Serena as Queen Bee is awesome. No more boring/insecureness from being around Dan. GG was in such a rut wih the dan/serena dating plot, and it was so much better this week when they were broken up.
Vanessa sucks, straight up, at everything. I love how u antagonize her!
5 of 12 | Posted by kellyhp12 | Posted on September 26, 2008 11:32 PM
I am not a fan of any of the guest stars GG brings in. Georgina, Duchess, Cabbage Patch, Marcus...they're all really annyoing. I can't decide if it makes me want to watch the show more or less.
6 of 12 | Posted by heygirl | Posted on September 27, 2008 2:51 PM
I really hope CP/Amanda never returns. I could not stand her voice. I wonder if she really speaks like a baby, or if she did it for this part?
Vanessa and Dan suck. I can't stand how judgemental the two of them are. I knew Vanessa was going to screw up Blair's plan.
I don't like S as the queen. She was so creepy at the end fixing Blair's hair.
7 of 12 | Posted by blairwaldorf | Posted on September 27, 2008 3:28 PM
OMG the captions were hilarious! great job
Does anybody else get the new episodes on sunday nights? Halfway through the fashion week one...so far its pretty good!
8 of 12 | Posted by Muisey77 | Posted on September 28, 2008 4:35 PM
*cough* it's bollocks not bullocks - testicles not baby bulls. Though I suppose getting British words wrong is very apt for JaMarcus and this might just be very subtle satire on your part.
This episode has finally upped the pace of what has been a rather slow season. I'm glad your recap managed to match the standard.
Also is one of the conditions of Serena becoming 'queen' that everyone has to wear stupid head scarves? Not cool.
9 of 12 | Posted by xlittlemissparanoidx | Posted on September 29, 2008 3:46 AM
Did anybody else notice how ratty Jenny's purse was? You would think she would just make a new one being that she wants to be a fashion designer!
10 of 12 | Posted by flowie623 | Posted on September 29, 2008 11:03 AM
Did anybody else notice how ratty Jenny's purse was? You would think she would just make a new one being that she wants to be a fashion designer!
11 of 12 | Posted by flowie623 | Posted on September 29, 2008 11:03 AM
Just finished watching this show (late) and reading the recap (late). This episode was all kinds of AWESOME!!!
1. Return of ballsy Serena = Hell yeah!!
2. No more Nate and Vanessa = Hell yeah!
3. Dufus Rufus making Lily understand she can't have her cake and eat it too = Hell yeah!
4. Dan finally understanding how blessed he was to have Serena as his gf = Hell to the Y-E-A-H!
I figured JaMarcus and Stepmommy were getting down because of how possessive she was about JM ("she never likes any of my gfs! *whine*). We already saw how she gets by how she dealt with Nate and V.
But GG really surprised me with the Chuck/Cabbage Patch twist. My jaw literally dropped wide open. I think he's trying to take anything that Blair values away from her. His reasoning could be that a vulnerable Blair will be submissive. It's hard to tell if Chuck actually loves Blair or just enjoys the challenge of destroying her. Maybe a little bit of both??
Bye bye JaMarcus. Won't miss ya. They can't put him on a plane fast enough for me. But Catherine? I like her as a Blair nemesis. Speaking of Blair nemesis's, I'm liking the recycled B v. S plot. This time, S looks like she's gonna embrace the showdown. Ironic how Dan's self-righteous preaching opened this can of worms. (When are Dan and Vanessa gonna realize they're soulmates in judgmentalism?)
I don't care about Jenny. I'm rooting for the minions to make her life miserable.
Btw, I'm starting a petition to bring back Hazel.
LoLo, this was an amazing recap to a great episode. I agree with you that this is one of the best. My favorite actually....
12 of 12 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on September 30, 2008 12:00 AM