Dan is woken up the next morning by Jenny clubbing him in the head with a pillow. Next time use the lamp, or why not a brick, Little J. She's seen the pictures of him and Cabbage Patch on GG, and is pissed that not only is he committing social suicide, but he's being a douchebag to boot. He whines that Serena started it -- very mature -- while Jenny looks disgusted and insists he talk to Serena. Yeah, because we all want to deal with that again.
Meanwhile, Serena is also being rudely awoken, but by Chuck, who's sitting in her bed. "Boundaries!" she exclaims. I have a feeling this is how most of Serena's mornings start off. Although she should be glad it's only a flower he's putting in her ear this time. He's brought her breakfast, and her phone, so she can see the Dan/CP news. What a sweetheart. What is he up to?
A while later, Jenny arrives at school to find Vanessa skulking around, looking for Blair instead of stalking Dan and/or Nate for once. Evidently Blair won't return V's calls, so she begs Jenny to find Blair for her. Reluctantly, Jenny agrees, and asks Penelope and Isabel, who tell her Blair took the morning off to have brunch. After offering that little tidbit, they reassure her they haven't forgotten her failure status, and will be sure to make her life miserable shortly. Jenny is thrilled.
"This is worse than when that grinch stole Christmas a couple years ago."
Serena and Dan are also both at school, and she quickly finds him to bitch him out about humiliating her with Cabbage Patch. He takes it for about, oh, 2 seconds, before arguing that she tried to coerce CP not to go out with him in the first place. Perhaps realizing it's pointless to argue with his stubborn ass, she insists that the three of them should go out that night. Dan and I both think this is a splendid idea.
Hearing from Jenny where Blair's having brunch, Vanessa stalks Blair and finds her dining with JaMarcus. Without approaching, Vanessa observes Blair and JaMarcus looking cozy and romantic, so she leaves in a snap-judgy huff. No wonder she and Humphrey are BFF. We then get to hear what is actually going on at that table -- and see that Blair was seconds away from confronting JaMarcus on his mommy issues. "And I thought my family was twisted, but you people take the cake!" Haha. He claims it's only happened a few times, then lies to her face that it hasn't happened since he met Blair. Needless to say, she's not buying it or his fake accent any longer.
While JaMarcus begins sputtering about trying to make things work, cougar Catherine arrives and snottily announces she got Blair's message. Without tipping her hand, Blair merely forwards the naughty picture to Catherine, who sees it and slinks into her chair silently. Good kitty. When Catherine demands to know what Blair wants, B merely replies, "Let's talk about your exit strategy." But before we can celebrate getting rid of these two idiots, we see that one of our permanent idiots, Vanessa, has decided to rat out mommy & son to daddy himself.
"Oh bullocks, these delicate flowers have thorns!"
Dan, Serena, and Cabbage Patch are at dinner, where Dan is telling scintillating literature anecdotes, and CP is snidely mocking Serena for not knowing who some of the writers they're talking about are. Dan, of course, does nothing to make this less awkward for her. Serena excuses herself to get wasted on martinis at the bar, and is quickly approached by Penelope and Isabel (who has gotten more lines tonight than the entire first season). They've brought Serena some presents -- cute Dalton lacrosse boys. S debates only for a second before agreeing to let one buy her a drink, when she's finished with the 1/3 full one the bartender just gave her. Game on, Humphrey.
Serena leads one of the lacrosse boys back to their table, where he regales the group with sports stories almost as interesting as Dan's literature ones. After a few painful moments, Cabbage Patch excuses herself to the bathroom, and Serena quickly bails to go back to the bar. Left alone, Lacrosse Boy tells Dan that Serena is "smoking hot" and Dan immediately runs away without another word. Ha.
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Comments (12)
OMG I've been waiting all week for this recap.
This was definitely one of the best episodes ever. I waited the whole first season for Serena to go back to her old ways and take over as Queen bee.
Although I love the Serena/Blair friendship it'll be very interesting to see them fighting for power.
Also just a side note: I think it's cute when Serena and Blair call each other "S" and "B" but when Dan walked into the coffee shop and called Vanessa "V" I gagged because it sounded so contrived.
1 of 12 | Posted by cherin | Posted on September 26, 2008 5:41 AM
I haven't finished reading this yet, but I just wanted to point this out before I forget...US Weekly recently voted the chick that plays Vanessa one of the "25 Most Stylish New Yorkers"...not sure what her "real-life" style is, but I feel like this is based mostly on her character...that said, I also hate Vanessa and her look!
I'm getting a little annoyed at how easily plots are tied up on this show...the Serena murder reprival, the call to Georgina's parents, and now the Duchess and Marcus get shipped out...would have liked to see more conflict stem out of that... ok back to the recap!
2 of 12 | Posted by msu11y28 | Posted on September 26, 2008 8:16 AM
hilarious!
i *also* thought dan went all the way to brooklyn, but v-snatch was already on the other side of the bridge.
3 of 12 | Posted by matzboy | Posted on September 26, 2008 12:40 PM
Will you be my BFF? You always have the nicest recaps.
4 of 12 | Posted by alex_w | Posted on September 26, 2008 4:57 PM
I look foreward to ur recaps almost as much as the show.
Serena as Queen Bee is awesome. No more boring/insecureness from being around Dan. GG was in such a rut wih the dan/serena dating plot, and it was so much better this week when they were broken up.
Vanessa sucks, straight up, at everything. I love how u antagonize her!
5 of 12 | Posted by kellyhp12 | Posted on September 26, 2008 11:32 PM
I am not a fan of any of the guest stars GG brings in. Georgina, Duchess, Cabbage Patch, Marcus...they're all really annyoing. I can't decide if it makes me want to watch the show more or less.
6 of 12 | Posted by heygirl | Posted on September 27, 2008 2:51 PM
I really hope CP/Amanda never returns. I could not stand her voice. I wonder if she really speaks like a baby, or if she did it for this part?
Vanessa and Dan suck. I can't stand how judgemental the two of them are. I knew Vanessa was going to screw up Blair's plan.
I don't like S as the queen. She was so creepy at the end fixing Blair's hair.
7 of 12 | Posted by blairwaldorf | Posted on September 27, 2008 3:28 PM
OMG the captions were hilarious! great job
Does anybody else get the new episodes on sunday nights? Halfway through the fashion week one...so far its pretty good!
8 of 12 | Posted by Muisey77 | Posted on September 28, 2008 4:35 PM
*cough* it's bollocks not bullocks - testicles not baby bulls. Though I suppose getting British words wrong is very apt for JaMarcus and this might just be very subtle satire on your part.
This episode has finally upped the pace of what has been a rather slow season. I'm glad your recap managed to match the standard.
Also is one of the conditions of Serena becoming 'queen' that everyone has to wear stupid head scarves? Not cool.
9 of 12 | Posted by xlittlemissparanoidx | Posted on September 29, 2008 3:46 AM
Did anybody else notice how ratty Jenny's purse was? You would think she would just make a new one being that she wants to be a fashion designer!
10 of 12 | Posted by flowie623 | Posted on September 29, 2008 11:03 AM
Did anybody else notice how ratty Jenny's purse was? You would think she would just make a new one being that she wants to be a fashion designer!
11 of 12 | Posted by flowie623 | Posted on September 29, 2008 11:03 AM
Just finished watching this show (late) and reading the recap (late). This episode was all kinds of AWESOME!!!
1. Return of ballsy Serena = Hell yeah!!
2. No more Nate and Vanessa = Hell yeah!
3. Dufus Rufus making Lily understand she can't have her cake and eat it too = Hell yeah!
4. Dan finally understanding how blessed he was to have Serena as his gf = Hell to the Y-E-A-H!
I figured JaMarcus and Stepmommy were getting down because of how possessive she was about JM ("she never likes any of my gfs! *whine*). We already saw how she gets by how she dealt with Nate and V.
But GG really surprised me with the Chuck/Cabbage Patch twist. My jaw literally dropped wide open. I think he's trying to take anything that Blair values away from her. His reasoning could be that a vulnerable Blair will be submissive. It's hard to tell if Chuck actually loves Blair or just enjoys the challenge of destroying her. Maybe a little bit of both??
Bye bye JaMarcus. Won't miss ya. They can't put him on a plane fast enough for me. But Catherine? I like her as a Blair nemesis. Speaking of Blair nemesis's, I'm liking the recycled B v. S plot. This time, S looks like she's gonna embrace the showdown. Ironic how Dan's self-righteous preaching opened this can of worms. (When are Dan and Vanessa gonna realize they're soulmates in judgmentalism?)
I don't care about Jenny. I'm rooting for the minions to make her life miserable.
Btw, I'm starting a petition to bring back Hazel.
LoLo, this was an amazing recap to a great episode. I agree with you that this is one of the best. My favorite actually....
12 of 12 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on September 30, 2008 12:00 AM