Dan finds Serena at the bar, and gives her shit -- AGAIN -- for her "great peace plan" and for picking such a winner. Annoyed, she tells Dan that Lacrosse Boy is fun and not neurotic -- which she figured would be a nice change. Then -- THEN -- he has the nerve to say, "that's real classy, Serena, thanks." Everytime I think my Dan hate cannot increase, I watch another episode and am proven wrong. She tearfully tells him that it fucking hurt when he asked out CP the first damn day of school, and that she can't just turn off her feelings because they're over. This finally shuts him up for a few minutes, and he suggests they stay away from each other. She agrees, and tells him to get the fuck out, since they're surrounded by her friends and it's not his kind of place. Haha, awesome. If she keeps this up, I may like her again.
"Umm, I'm still waiting on that Emmys apology. Did you SEE the opening monologue?"
Pissed, Dan agrees to leave, but before he can pay his tab, Chuck strolls up, wearing an outrageous outfit, even for him. Dan tells Chuck he should wear a bell, but I don't know any damn cat who would wear a purple silk suit. Chuck seems like he may take the suggestion to hear, but probably won't tie it around the same thing Dan was thinking of. Chuck advises him not to leave, since he's finally about to see the real Serena. Glancing over at S chugging martinis, Dan declares he's seen enough and starts to head out.
Meanwhile, Blair has found Nate, and breaks the good news -- Catherine and JaMarcus are gone, and in exchange for Blair's silence, Catherine has agreed to pay off Cappy's restitution debts. No more having sex with hot, experienced women for money! Thank god, Nate's been saved from a fate worse than death. As Nate tries to form words into a sentence, Blair gets a call from Catherine -- and learns Vanessa's stupid trap has now ruined everything and the deal is off. Dear Vanessa, please drown yourself in a vat of espresso. Love, LoLo.
Chuck approaches Penelope and Isabel and tells them that instead of focusing on Dan, they should be attacking Cabbage Patch instead. Penelope wants to know what he has in mind, and surprisingly, it's not date rape. Yay, progress! No, instead he takes out a little bottle and fills a martini glass with blue goo, asking Penny if she still knows how to serve -- what sounds like -- a Nairtini. Umm, are they trying to just torture or actually kill this girl? Not like I'd care, really. But still.
"The first meeting of the Horrifically Dressed Club is officially called to order. As the wearer of this striped shirt, I believe I should be president."
In the ghetto, Lily has arrived at Rufus's with a bottle of wine, a DVD, and an economy-sized box of condoms. When Rufus asks her what's up with her being married and sniffing around his crotch, she explains that she's lonely and needs a friend. Who will occasionally bang her. Rufus gently tells her that they cannot be friends, and he cannot be her safety blanket anymore, even if Bart can't get it up at his age. As Lily struggles to accept that, Rufus's klassy Vanessa-ringer shows herself and deals the final blow to Lily's ego. Poor Lily. Now she'll just have to comfort herself with Bart's billions of dollars. It's a rough life. She and Nate should commiserate about how bad they've got it. And then maybe she can bang him, since we know he likes it that way. Win-win!
Vanessa is back to haunting the gallery when Blair flies in, pissed as hell, screaming that she told Vanessa she would handle it. Vanessa brags that Catherine's husband promised to keep Cappy's whereabouts a secret, and Blair verbally (unfortunately, just verbally) bitchslaps Vanessa that Catherine would have paid off all of the Archibald debts had Vanessa not interfered. So now Nate isn't getting paid for sex, won't have Catherine covering the debt, and officially will start dumpster diving. I, for one, think that sounds amazing. I'm sure he can also find a few other customers to sell his services to, as long as he's not picky about that whole vagina/penis thing.
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Comments (12)
OMG I've been waiting all week for this recap.
This was definitely one of the best episodes ever. I waited the whole first season for Serena to go back to her old ways and take over as Queen bee.
Although I love the Serena/Blair friendship it'll be very interesting to see them fighting for power.
Also just a side note: I think it's cute when Serena and Blair call each other "S" and "B" but when Dan walked into the coffee shop and called Vanessa "V" I gagged because it sounded so contrived.
1 of 12 | Posted by cherin | Posted on September 26, 2008 5:41 AM
I haven't finished reading this yet, but I just wanted to point this out before I forget...US Weekly recently voted the chick that plays Vanessa one of the "25 Most Stylish New Yorkers"...not sure what her "real-life" style is, but I feel like this is based mostly on her character...that said, I also hate Vanessa and her look!
I'm getting a little annoyed at how easily plots are tied up on this show...the Serena murder reprival, the call to Georgina's parents, and now the Duchess and Marcus get shipped out...would have liked to see more conflict stem out of that... ok back to the recap!
2 of 12 | Posted by msu11y28 | Posted on September 26, 2008 8:16 AM
hilarious!
i *also* thought dan went all the way to brooklyn, but v-snatch was already on the other side of the bridge.
3 of 12 | Posted by matzboy | Posted on September 26, 2008 12:40 PM
Will you be my BFF? You always have the nicest recaps.
4 of 12 | Posted by alex_w | Posted on September 26, 2008 4:57 PM
I look foreward to ur recaps almost as much as the show.
Serena as Queen Bee is awesome. No more boring/insecureness from being around Dan. GG was in such a rut wih the dan/serena dating plot, and it was so much better this week when they were broken up.
Vanessa sucks, straight up, at everything. I love how u antagonize her!
5 of 12 | Posted by kellyhp12 | Posted on September 26, 2008 11:32 PM
I am not a fan of any of the guest stars GG brings in. Georgina, Duchess, Cabbage Patch, Marcus...they're all really annyoing. I can't decide if it makes me want to watch the show more or less.
6 of 12 | Posted by heygirl | Posted on September 27, 2008 2:51 PM
I really hope CP/Amanda never returns. I could not stand her voice. I wonder if she really speaks like a baby, or if she did it for this part?
Vanessa and Dan suck. I can't stand how judgemental the two of them are. I knew Vanessa was going to screw up Blair's plan.
I don't like S as the queen. She was so creepy at the end fixing Blair's hair.
7 of 12 | Posted by blairwaldorf | Posted on September 27, 2008 3:28 PM
OMG the captions were hilarious! great job
Does anybody else get the new episodes on sunday nights? Halfway through the fashion week one...so far its pretty good!
8 of 12 | Posted by Muisey77 | Posted on September 28, 2008 4:35 PM
*cough* it's bollocks not bullocks - testicles not baby bulls. Though I suppose getting British words wrong is very apt for JaMarcus and this might just be very subtle satire on your part.
This episode has finally upped the pace of what has been a rather slow season. I'm glad your recap managed to match the standard.
Also is one of the conditions of Serena becoming 'queen' that everyone has to wear stupid head scarves? Not cool.
9 of 12 | Posted by xlittlemissparanoidx | Posted on September 29, 2008 3:46 AM
Did anybody else notice how ratty Jenny's purse was? You would think she would just make a new one being that she wants to be a fashion designer!
10 of 12 | Posted by flowie623 | Posted on September 29, 2008 11:03 AM
Did anybody else notice how ratty Jenny's purse was? You would think she would just make a new one being that she wants to be a fashion designer!
11 of 12 | Posted by flowie623 | Posted on September 29, 2008 11:03 AM
Just finished watching this show (late) and reading the recap (late). This episode was all kinds of AWESOME!!!
1. Return of ballsy Serena = Hell yeah!!
2. No more Nate and Vanessa = Hell yeah!
3. Dufus Rufus making Lily understand she can't have her cake and eat it too = Hell yeah!
4. Dan finally understanding how blessed he was to have Serena as his gf = Hell to the Y-E-A-H!
I figured JaMarcus and Stepmommy were getting down because of how possessive she was about JM ("she never likes any of my gfs! *whine*). We already saw how she gets by how she dealt with Nate and V.
But GG really surprised me with the Chuck/Cabbage Patch twist. My jaw literally dropped wide open. I think he's trying to take anything that Blair values away from her. His reasoning could be that a vulnerable Blair will be submissive. It's hard to tell if Chuck actually loves Blair or just enjoys the challenge of destroying her. Maybe a little bit of both??
Bye bye JaMarcus. Won't miss ya. They can't put him on a plane fast enough for me. But Catherine? I like her as a Blair nemesis. Speaking of Blair nemesis's, I'm liking the recycled B v. S plot. This time, S looks like she's gonna embrace the showdown. Ironic how Dan's self-righteous preaching opened this can of worms. (When are Dan and Vanessa gonna realize they're soulmates in judgmentalism?)
I don't care about Jenny. I'm rooting for the minions to make her life miserable.
Btw, I'm starting a petition to bring back Hazel.
LoLo, this was an amazing recap to a great episode. I agree with you that this is one of the best. My favorite actually....
12 of 12 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on September 30, 2008 12:00 AM