Back at the restaurant, it's time to see that Nairtini in action. Turns out it's not for Cabbage Patch to drink -- it's for Penelope to throw in her hair and make her go bald. What a horrible bitchy thing to do, and I LOVE it. CP's hair begins coming out immediately (which is really false advertising if you've ever used Nair and had to sit there, stinking up your bathroom, just for it not to get even half the hair off), and she runs off crying when Dan tries to stop her. Seeing this happen, Serena rushes up to apologize (OF COURSE), and Dan completely blames her (OF COURSE). Shocked, Serena asks him if that's really what he thinks of her and he says it is, then encourages her to own up to it. Hey, if this'll get us the Serena we've seen in flashbacks, then I'll agree with the dickwad.
After Dan leaves, Serena take a few moments to compose herself before confronting the minions. Instead of yelling at them like I expected, she simply says, "Never again. From now on, everything goes through me." YES. I wonder how Blair's going to react to that?
"Starting with your wardrobe. What the FUCK are you wearing?"
The next morning, Vanessa has successfully stalked Nate in Manhattan to apologize for being a complete retard and ruining everything. Turns out he's not mad about losing the money -- well not yet at least, let's see how a few paid handjobs affect that tune -- but instead he's upset she lied to him last episode when she ran out of the party, and then turned and confided in Dan and Blair instead. When he tries to leave, she asks if this means they can't even be friends, and he throws her earlier words -- "we were never really friends" back in her face. Oh Nate, you're still boring and can't act worth shit, but that was pretty sweet.
Jenny's at school early, doing her best to avoid the minions, when that same exact thing happens. I didn't really expect Penelope and Isabel to be such early risers. You'd think they'd need hours to drape the 30 strands of pearls around their necks. Well, they've decided the Jenny torture can now begin since Cabbage Patch is dealt with, and they grab her purse and dump its contents on the ground. Oh... snap? Even Jenny is unimpressed, but the minions warn her that their juvenile tricks will be effective when continued over a long period of time. Kind of like an upper decker. They flounce off, and Jenny quickly packs up her entire locker and flees. C'mon, Little J, buck up.
As Dan's leaving another apology message for Cabbage Patch, we see why she's not answering her phone -- she's dining with Chuck, discussing how she was a plant all along -- one designed to piss Serena off enough to usurp Blair as Queen Bee. Wow, I definitely did not see that one coming, and it's fucking awesome!!! I'm not sure exactly how dethroning Blair fits in with Chuck's plans, but I'm now 100% confident he has one. I love how Chuck is neither black nor white -- what he's doing is clearly going to hurt Blair, but I'm assuming the rationale in his mind has to do with his conviction they belong together. How Machiavellian of him.
"They may have burned off my hair, but at least I still have these bitchin' bangs!"
Blair arrives at school and approaches the minions just as Serena pops up -- and B is startled by the warm reception S gets compared to her own. When Serena asks Blair why B wasn't answering her calls yesterday, Blair mutters she wasn't feeling well. Serena responds by oddly petting Blair like a sick poodle, playing with her hair and tying her head scarf around Blair's neck. Okay, was the old Serena a lesbian? There's no reason for her to be patronizing Blair here. Bizarre. As confused as I am, Blair walks away, only to be intercepted by Chuck, who pretty much tells her he was behind Serena's return to power. Bewildered and untrusting, Blair merely stares at him and keeps going.
Dan arrives at school, and realizes everyone is staring at him like a circus freak. He asks two orange girls if they've seen Serena, and they smirk and walk away without answering. Even the other dudes don't want to talk to him, which is fantastic. Congratulations, Humphrey, you just entered high school hell. And from the look Serena gives him as she passes by, it's clear she'll be playing Satan.
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Comments (12)
OMG I've been waiting all week for this recap.
This was definitely one of the best episodes ever. I waited the whole first season for Serena to go back to her old ways and take over as Queen bee.
Although I love the Serena/Blair friendship it'll be very interesting to see them fighting for power.
Also just a side note: I think it's cute when Serena and Blair call each other "S" and "B" but when Dan walked into the coffee shop and called Vanessa "V" I gagged because it sounded so contrived.
1 of 12 | Posted by cherin | Posted on September 26, 2008 5:41 AM
I haven't finished reading this yet, but I just wanted to point this out before I forget...US Weekly recently voted the chick that plays Vanessa one of the "25 Most Stylish New Yorkers"...not sure what her "real-life" style is, but I feel like this is based mostly on her character...that said, I also hate Vanessa and her look!
I'm getting a little annoyed at how easily plots are tied up on this show...the Serena murder reprival, the call to Georgina's parents, and now the Duchess and Marcus get shipped out...would have liked to see more conflict stem out of that... ok back to the recap!
2 of 12 | Posted by msu11y28 | Posted on September 26, 2008 8:16 AM
hilarious!
i *also* thought dan went all the way to brooklyn, but v-snatch was already on the other side of the bridge.
3 of 12 | Posted by matzboy | Posted on September 26, 2008 12:40 PM
Will you be my BFF? You always have the nicest recaps.
4 of 12 | Posted by alex_w | Posted on September 26, 2008 4:57 PM
I look foreward to ur recaps almost as much as the show.
Serena as Queen Bee is awesome. No more boring/insecureness from being around Dan. GG was in such a rut wih the dan/serena dating plot, and it was so much better this week when they were broken up.
Vanessa sucks, straight up, at everything. I love how u antagonize her!
5 of 12 | Posted by kellyhp12 | Posted on September 26, 2008 11:32 PM
I am not a fan of any of the guest stars GG brings in. Georgina, Duchess, Cabbage Patch, Marcus...they're all really annyoing. I can't decide if it makes me want to watch the show more or less.
6 of 12 | Posted by heygirl | Posted on September 27, 2008 2:51 PM
I really hope CP/Amanda never returns. I could not stand her voice. I wonder if she really speaks like a baby, or if she did it for this part?
Vanessa and Dan suck. I can't stand how judgemental the two of them are. I knew Vanessa was going to screw up Blair's plan.
I don't like S as the queen. She was so creepy at the end fixing Blair's hair.
7 of 12 | Posted by blairwaldorf | Posted on September 27, 2008 3:28 PM
OMG the captions were hilarious! great job
Does anybody else get the new episodes on sunday nights? Halfway through the fashion week one...so far its pretty good!
8 of 12 | Posted by Muisey77 | Posted on September 28, 2008 4:35 PM
*cough* it's bollocks not bullocks - testicles not baby bulls. Though I suppose getting British words wrong is very apt for JaMarcus and this might just be very subtle satire on your part.
This episode has finally upped the pace of what has been a rather slow season. I'm glad your recap managed to match the standard.
Also is one of the conditions of Serena becoming 'queen' that everyone has to wear stupid head scarves? Not cool.
9 of 12 | Posted by xlittlemissparanoidx | Posted on September 29, 2008 3:46 AM
Did anybody else notice how ratty Jenny's purse was? You would think she would just make a new one being that she wants to be a fashion designer!
10 of 12 | Posted by flowie623 | Posted on September 29, 2008 11:03 AM
Did anybody else notice how ratty Jenny's purse was? You would think she would just make a new one being that she wants to be a fashion designer!
11 of 12 | Posted by flowie623 | Posted on September 29, 2008 11:03 AM
Just finished watching this show (late) and reading the recap (late). This episode was all kinds of AWESOME!!!
1. Return of ballsy Serena = Hell yeah!!
2. No more Nate and Vanessa = Hell yeah!
3. Dufus Rufus making Lily understand she can't have her cake and eat it too = Hell yeah!
4. Dan finally understanding how blessed he was to have Serena as his gf = Hell to the Y-E-A-H!
I figured JaMarcus and Stepmommy were getting down because of how possessive she was about JM ("she never likes any of my gfs! *whine*). We already saw how she gets by how she dealt with Nate and V.
But GG really surprised me with the Chuck/Cabbage Patch twist. My jaw literally dropped wide open. I think he's trying to take anything that Blair values away from her. His reasoning could be that a vulnerable Blair will be submissive. It's hard to tell if Chuck actually loves Blair or just enjoys the challenge of destroying her. Maybe a little bit of both??
Bye bye JaMarcus. Won't miss ya. They can't put him on a plane fast enough for me. But Catherine? I like her as a Blair nemesis. Speaking of Blair nemesis's, I'm liking the recycled B v. S plot. This time, S looks like she's gonna embrace the showdown. Ironic how Dan's self-righteous preaching opened this can of worms. (When are Dan and Vanessa gonna realize they're soulmates in judgmentalism?)
I don't care about Jenny. I'm rooting for the minions to make her life miserable.
Btw, I'm starting a petition to bring back Hazel.
LoLo, this was an amazing recap to a great episode. I agree with you that this is one of the best. My favorite actually....
12 of 12 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on September 30, 2008 12:00 AM