We open with Gossip Girl catching us up on the goings-on of our favorite UESiders. Serena is shown tangoing with a bunch of dirty old men in Buenos Aires, Pube-Face Aaron nowhere in sight. Dan spent new years alone, likely writing short stories he can send to his enemies to make them want to kill themselves. Little J, meanwhile, has finally realized how fug her designs are and has decided to go back to school. Unfortunately, she has yet to realize how fug her hair is. One step at a time, I suppose. Blair's latest obsession is getting into the Colony Club, which is some high society ladies organization. C'mon, B, aren't you a bit young to turn into some cashmere-and-pearls weari-- nevermind. As for Chuck, he's been MIA since the day after the funeral, but Bart's brother, Jack, is off scouring the globe looking for him. And it looks like he'll hit jackpot in Thailand, as we see Chuck enjoying some quality time with some quality Thai hookers. Ten bucks Uncle Jack is a perv, by the way. First, he's a Bass. That's enough right there. On top of that, he's an uncle. Uncles are always perverts. Just watch any Lifetime movie.

With that quick catch-up, we see Rufus arriving home early one morning, back from an unsuccessful trip to locate a sculptor or a painter who may be a man or woman but definitely fell out of Lily's vagina. Clueless as always, Dan doesn't seem to really note the inconsistencies in Rufus's story, and agrees to letting Rufus go with him to school. Then again, maybe Dan just chalked it up to thinking Rufus is retarded, like all of us do.

Blair's busy practicing her Colony Club kiss-assing spiel with Dorota while insisting that with the new year, she will no longer be encumbered by thoughts of Mr. Chuck. Well she better hold that thought, for just then Uncle Jack texts her that he's found Chuck and is on his way to the apartment. Hmm, Uncle Jack seems to have made himself comfortable with Chuck's affairs if he not only has Blair's number, but knows to text her upon arrival. Despite what she just said about it being a new year, Blair snaps at Dorota that they will have to talk about the Colony Club on the way to Chuck's -- and then refuses to wait for our favorite maid and lets the elevator doors close in Dorota's face. Guess "be nicer to the help" wasn't one of B's resolutions.

"Oh, Miss Blair! I so excited for you to join Club! Maybe I make new servant friends! Mr. Chuck's servants all banged Mr. Bart. I not approve."

At school, Eric is quizzing Jenny on whether she's ready to face Penelope and the other minions when Nelly Yuki runs up, thrilled to the rims of her Smurf-blue glasses that Jenny has returned. And wherever one minion is, you know the others are close by. Sure enough, Penelope leads the rest of the crew over to bitch at Nelly for daring to speak to Jenny, and to warn Nelly she will be punished for this brief defection and original thought. Disgusted, Jenny tries to tell Nelly she doesn't have to take their shit, but Nelly is too scared of Penelope to consider a full-out rebellion such as not wearing a winter white coat after receiving the memo. As Nelly scurries away, Eric pleads with Jenny not to get involved, which you so know is gonna happen.

Blair and Dorota arrive at Chuck's apartment just as the limo pulls up and Uncle Jack alights. Mmm, hello Uncle Jack! He begins making small talk in a flirty way with Blair (interesting...), who quickly gets pissed and demands to see Chuck. With a sly grin, Jack turns and literally drags a barely-conscious Chuck out of the limo. Glad to see Ed Westwick's still working that drunk-and-dishelved hot thing. They disappear inside, and Blair barely holds herself together, snapping at Dorota for following her (despite demanding that she do so earlier), and ordering her home to prepare for a party for the Colony Club ladies. Sometimes I really wonder what's in Dorota's job description. It certainly isn't cleaning.

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Posted in Gossip Girl by LoLo at 4:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: LoLo on Feb 17, 2009 12:46 PM.