Testimonials

After Rufus sees Dan off to school, he receives a phone call from an adoption agency telling him that they've had no luck in locating the bastard, and he's going to have to ask Lily for more information. Inside, Dan runs into Serena, who wastes no time telling him she dumped Pube-Face (YAAAAY) and found out from Lily that Lily and Rufus won't be boning anytime soon, so she and Dan are in the clear. And then they begin sucking face in the middle of the hall. Swell. Nothing like thinking about my parents' sex life to get me in the mood at 8:00 a.m.

"Lucky for you, Serena, I kept my high horse warm in the barn these past few months, and he's all ready to go."

After dislodging Dan's tongue from where it had wrapped around her liver, Serena finds Blair in the hall and races over to greet her. Serena asks if Chuck has been located, and Blair confirms he's back, sarcastically adding that she's surprised he made it through customs since his body odor could have given a contact high to half of Manhattan. LOL. Getting serious, Blair admits she told Chuck she loves him, declaring it a huge, awful mistake when Serena reacts positively. Are we really supposed to believe Blair has waited a month to tell Serena this? I'm pretty sure Serena was staying at a joint nice enough to have internet access, and it's not like either of these bitches can't afford an international phone call. Okay, sorry, logical thought relegated to the back burner again. Serena assures Blair that Chuck will say it once he gets his shit together, but Blair doesn't look too convinced and admits "there's something else." But before she can spill what sounds like a big secret (!!!), Dan quickly returns to his old ways of annoying the piss out of me by interrupting for another pre-English grope session with Serena. Blair stares in horror and leaves, announcing she has to go vomit. Ditto.

Lily arrives at the gallery to speak to Rufus, where some other chick than Vanessa is manning the espresso bar. Thank God we won't have to deal with her in this episode. Although she should be pretty worried about this other barista since she has absolutely no life outside that job. Rufus immediately demands to know where his kid is -- but in a really bizarre Scottish or Irish accent. Did anyone else hear that? I've listened to it ten times and the jackass sounds like Gerald O'Hara. Lily lets it slip that the bastard is male, and asserts that it's not fair for Rufus to go chasing after the kid and force his way into the kid's life. I'm not sure I agree with that in general, but with these two birth parents, I definitely do. The adopted parents could have rubbed the kid down with a t-bone steak and a splash of A1 before tossing him in the lion exhibit at the zoo and done a better job at parenting.

Across town, Jenny and Eric are eating froyo and watching Penelope and the currently-favored minions exact their punishment on Nelly Yuki. This evidently involves treating Nelly like their servant, making her literally wipe their feet. Pissed, Jenny storms over to their table to yank Nelly out of Penelope's grasp, much to everyone but Eric's surprise. Rattled that Jenny stood up to her, Penelope quickly shakes if off by ordering the midget Hazel on shoe-wiping duty. Looks like someone's been demoted.

"The patriotic look is in this month, okay? We saw it in Vogue."

Chuck has managed to pull himself slightly together and has now shown up at school, where he is lighting a joint. Blair spies him and yells at him to put it out, which Chuck responds to in a flat, disembodied voice that's downright creepy. Blair evidently is also shaken by it, and she grabs his face to get him to focus on her while demanding if he has anything to say to her. You know, like "I love you." He merely stares at her, and she whispers "Who are you?" More blank staring ensues, and then the headmistress gets jealous that she can't wake and bake too, and busts Chuck. Ruh roh.

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Posted in Gossip Girl by LoLo at 4:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: LoLo on Feb 17, 2009 12:46 PM.