Once wiped and disinfected, Dan meets privately with Serena and demands that she rat out the guilty party before his incontinence becomes a major issue. But here's the problem - Serena herself is the guilty one. She explains that she once dated the swim team captain, and he gave her a key so they could practice his breaststroke after hours. Dan cuts her off, saying he doesn't need the details. He then suggests that she just tell Dolores the truth since she could just buy the school a new cafeteria or some shit, but Serena fears that given her past, this may be the last straw. If an expelled Serena means her returning to a drunken whore, I say bring on the expulsion!
Look, he was having trouble with his thrusting, okay?
Now Dan's meeting with Dolores, and our morally conflicted, boring hero stays true to Serena and keeps his mouth shut. But then Serena waltzes in to confess and save the day! To everyone's surprise - and my disappointment - Dolores merely sentences Serena to picking up trash on the side of the road or some other community service. Once outside, Dan bitches that there's a double standard - the rich kids get a slap on the wrist, the poor kids get bounced out of there faster than you can say "have fun in state school." Serena disagrees, and insists that Dan's just a bitter poor kid. But in a nicer way.
Later that night, Bart Bass approaches Serena and reveals that he put a call into Dolores, and that's why Serena didn't get suspended or expelled. Serena ungratefully leaves (surely a "thanks for keeping me from ruining my college prospects" was in order?) and heads over to Dan's, where she admits that he was right about the double standard. But all is forgiven, and yet again the most boring couple on earth ends an episode all hunky-dory.
Sex, Lies, and Videotape
Now that Nate and Chuck are back from Monaco, Chuck can't stomach the sight of Blair and Nate together. Whether that's because it's upsetting to watch Blair hook up with Nate, or Nate hook up with Blair is unclear. Either way, he's decided to blackmail Blair into blowing off Nate by threatening to tell Nate that there was a reason Blair wasn't wearing white at the debutante ball. Blair's pissed as hell about it, but for now is falling in line and avoiding Nate as much as possible.
Insane yet intelligent, Chuck is spinning this blackmail to his best advantage, telling Nate that Blair's made it pretty obvious she wants nothing to do with him. Undaunted, Nate reveals she did let him get a quick kiss in at the pool party, and Chuck demands details of the kiss, trying to determine if it's enough to carry through with his threat. Either that or he's pervier than I thought.
Meanwhile, we learn that Vanessa has decided to make a documentary on Dan's life, and will be carting around a camcorder the entire episode. Evidently she's applying for some grant, and the documentary will be her entry piece. What a scintillating subject - I guess another applicant had already chosen watching grass grow.
At Blair's "Suck it, Dolores" party, Chuck pulls Blair aside and warns her that if he hears about any more kisses, he'll tell Nate everything. Annoyed, Blair challenges him to do just that, and says that if Chuck spills the truth, she'll convince Nate that it's all a lie. Unfazed, Chuck insists that Nate will believe him, and not Blair, and points to Vanessa - who's been standing there the whole time, taping the conversation.
Something tells me this is not going to be the last scandalous tape Blair and Chuck make.
Infuriated, Blair demands that Vanessa turn over the tape, and Vanessa refuses, making a snotty remark about how her documentary just got so much more interesting. That's definitely true, but really, she could have taped a lecture on ways to prevent freezer burn and had better material. Chuck grabs Vanessa's arm and demands the tape just as Dan appears to defend his fellow indigent friend. Dan hustles Vanessa out the door - along with the tape. I'm guessing right now Blair is regretting threatening Vanessa with those manicure scissors. Should have used the hedge clippers.
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Comments (5)
Lenni from Ghostwriter!?!?!? NO - you didn't!!
LoLo - you are brilliant! (Mr. Humps kinda reminds me of Lenni's dad too) Why didn't Tina and Alex ever work it out? Personal confession: back in the day, I made my mom take me to every music store around trying to find Lenni's "album." (I think my line is a dot too...)
Oh - and normally I ignore all the completely ridiculous stuff in this show (like the Humps are poor..) but this episode, but when Chuck gave Vanessa 10 grand - she didn't keep it? I don't give a shit if he got the money running a whore-house in the Bronx, I would've taken that $$ in a heartbeat, especially if I was as "poor" as they make V out to be...whatevs...great recap!
1 of 5 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on January 16, 2008 8:42 AM
No "misfit" looks like Vanessa on the show.
But this was a hilarious recap!
2 of 5 | Posted by isharma | Posted on January 16, 2008 11:41 AM
YAY! So excited to go to tvgasm and see that this was up. The chronological thing is nice b/c it's kind of easier, but it makes the recaps shorter- while I enjoy your humour (and Gossip Girl) so much I could read 10 pages worth of recap.
Something exciting needs to happen with Dan and Serena soon, b/c they are too boring for you to adequately express in writing.
3 of 5 | Posted by Fomhoire | Posted on January 16, 2008 9:06 PM
LoLo - loved the recap - and for the most part it was an interesting twist to do it by storyline.
Great captions too.
Can we start a petition to have the hair stylist on this show fired? I mean I know she does an adequate job fluffing up Serena's hair so you don't quite notice all her dopey expressions. But I can not for the life of me figure out why she hates Blair so much. Seriously, aren't headbands designed to hold hair out of your face? Instead she always has the hair hanging down with the headband behind it - it makes no sense.
And don't get me started on the attrocities going on on the heads of Dan, Chuck, Rufus, Nate and Eric. (((shudders)))
4 of 5 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie | Posted on January 18, 2008 2:24 PM
Yay! It's here! I love the way you ordered it but really, either way is fine. Its the writing that matters. The previews really were the best part about this episode and if you think Dan and Serena were boring this episode, wait until the next one. I thought I was gonna stab my out eye watching those two. She just acts like his mum 24/7, WTH is up with that? And he's always these throwing gigantic hissy fits, jeez. Such a loser
5 of 5 | Posted by catycath08 | Posted on January 20, 2008 1:04 PM