Upchuck is now wasted and loitering around the Palace hotel grounds. Lily finds him outside slumped on the ground, but as she's trying to do her good deed of the week and help him inside, he reveals that daddy's been pawing at some pretty young thing. Upset, Lily runs off and leaves Upchuck alone on the front steps to debate if he feels like publicly pissing or vomiting first. I'd vote vomiting. It's a close one, but I feel that that's the more socially acceptable option.
Nate's at home, and sits down with his reluctant mother to spill the beans - the drugs are Cappy's, not Nate's. She won't believe him at first, but when he finally gets through to her, she's all like, well he's under pressure and you've been a real pain in the ass lately. Nate insists that Cappy needs help and she grins eerily and tells him everything's fine and they should get ready for dinner. Okay, that was creepy.
Botox is really a bitch.
Across town, Dan's watching porn - and taking notes. Evidently he's studying how to properly give Serena a facial when they finally get around to hooking up. As he's admiring Ron Jeremy's techniques, Vanessa strolls in without knocking and scares the crap out of Dan. He tries to hide the porn but she busts him, and starts giving him hell about how when they were dating he was morally against having sex. Yes, but you gotta take advantage of dating a panty-dropper. When he doesn't respond much to those digs, she assures him that Serena will know what to do, given that she's a whore and all. But Vanessa does give him some good seduction tips (i.e. football sheets don't really scream "do me now, virgin!") before he kicks her out yet again. Vanessa, take the hint and get off this show. You suck.
So, you want to take this out for a test drive?
Jenny and Blair are hanging out, with Blair lecturing Jenny that if Jenny goes behind her back again, Jenny will be tossed out on her K-Mart ass faster than she can say where's the bargain bin. After getting that settled, Blair excitedly tells Jenny that Nate's going to give her the Archibald family diamond ring. Jenny looks a little nauseated as Blair babbles about marriage and love, but keeps her mouth shut. Finally, Blair notices Jenny's expression, and accuses her of being jealous and taunts her that Jenny would never have a shot at Nate. Umm, since Nate is evidently interested in having sex with anyone but Blair, I'm thinking Jenny would. As Blair continues to pressure her, Jenny tearfully tells Blair about what Nate said and the fact that he kissed "Serena." Blair's eyes get suspiciously watery, and she kicks Jenny would abruptly, telling her she's "dismissed for good." You know, because it's totally Jenny's fault that Nate's a pathetic, pining loser. But I really want these two as enemies, because Blair definitely needs a new target if she's going to be hunky-dory with Serena.
Looks like we're in another one of Dan's nightmares, and this one has a HUGE ick factor. Basically, we're seeing the same old Nate/Serena sex scene, but this time Dan's in a chair watching it. When he compliments Serena on wrapping her leg around Nate's waist, Serena chirps to Dan that it's sexy AND increases stability when you're trying to fuck on a bar stool. Dan and I both make a note of that one. Nate also advises Dan to grab Serena's hair and unbutton his shirt a little. I don't know who's more uncomfortable - me watching this, or the actors acting it. So disturbing.
Shit, is he bigger than me?
Jenny and Vanessa are talking about the Blair/Nate situation, but it quickly becomes clear that Jenny's also talking about the rift and lack of communication between Rufus and her mom. Vanessa recommends that Jenny get her parents in the same room so they can hash it out, and see if there's hope left for them. Blech. If I have to watch a Rufus storyline, I'm much more interested in him and Lily together.
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Comments (7)
About damn time for this recap. Everytime I look at Nate's Dad I now think "Cappy McDouche."
The Rufus/Lily line is sooooo boring. Josh Schwarts only has so many tricks up his sleeve, and the adults-who-banged-back-in-the-day is one of them. Another one is Vanessa, who reminded me of the Anna character from the OC, ie BORING. Apart from Nate I've been happy with the casting but Vanessa is supposed to be a shaved-head, combat boot wearing ass kicking filmmaker.
LOVED the captions in the recap. I found the Blair/Upchuck reunion a little gross and unnatural but maybe the creators wanted it that way, unnatural and a little wrong. I like Upchuck as a character on the show, in the books he is pathetic.
1 of 7 | Posted by Scorpio23 | Posted on November 13, 2007 6:33 PM
Hey Scorpio!
Sorry for the delay on the recap- I was out of town without computer access for three days, and got this done as soon as I could! They'll be more prompt in the future- I promise :)
I agree, Vanessa is like Anna -- brought in as a rival, but not one anyone actually wants to see win the guy. In other words, pointless. And I think it's way too early to bring in Mrs. Humps, when Rufus and Lily haven't even gotten together yet. I guess we'll have to see how that one plays out... if we can stay awake.
2 of 7 | Posted by LoLo | Posted on November 13, 2007 7:05 PM
ahh, i loved the blair/chuck hookup. that was a def, omg "LOVE IT" moment.
i know you don't like him but chuck is one of my favorite characters on this show. he is super gorg and ed westwick, who plays him, has an english accent in real life, which makes him 10x hotter.
oh, and wtf is with dan & serena... & i don't know but does serena talk like she is wearing a retainer or is that just me?
anyways, great recap. can't wait for tomorrow's episode.
3 of 7 | Posted by t00haute | Posted on November 13, 2007 7:36 PM
ahh, i loved the blair/chuck hookup. that was a def, omg "LOVE IT" moment.
i know you don't like him but chuck is one of my favorite characters on this show. he is super gorg and ed westwick, who plays him, has an english accent in real life, which makes him 10x hotter.
oh, and wtf is with dan & serena... & i don't know but does serena talk like she is wearing a retainer or is that just me?
anyways, great recap. can't wait for tomorrow's episode.
4 of 7 | Posted by t00haute | Posted on November 13, 2007 7:39 PM
Loved the recap, Lolo!
And can we EVEN discuss Blair & Chuck getting it on in the limo?!
1) I was so mega excited I fangirl squealed, too
2) I LOVE Blair and Chuck together, all of their scenes together have been great
3) OMG why am I all of a sudden majorly in love with Chuck?!?!
They need to 86 the Rufus/Lily plot soon because if they're together and Dan/Serena are too... that's just weird.
5 of 7 | Posted by pachita | Posted on November 14, 2007 8:58 AM
Great recap, Lolo. The perfect mixture of plot recap + commentary.
"Vanessa, take the hint and get off this show. You suck."
LOL! Someone had to say it and I'm just glad you wrote it before I did.
Why is it that there are so many "good-looking" characters on this show that can't get laid by who they want? Nate, Blair, Chuck, Vanessa, Lily, Rufus, Serena (well, partially)...
Raise your hand if you think it would be hilarious if Nate and Vanessa hooked up.
6 of 7 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 22, 2007 10:42 PM
Btw, I agree with you about Blair and Chuck's hookup in the limo. Chem-istry. (Did they go "all the way"?) I'm happy Blair is with someone just as devious as her. At least Blair is a willing participant, unlike Chuck's usual targets, I mean, tastes.
Dan and Serena only cuddled? I thought the editors of the show were just giving us the G-rated version of them having sex. You know, the foreplay and then the cut-away to the afterglow. Hmm...
From the recap:
"As Nate turns to go back inside, he bribes the door guy to keep his mouth shut - but we see that Blair has been watching from the window."
I actually took this to mean Nate bribed the doorman to call the cops before Nate confronted Daddy Archibald. Notice how the cops just happened to be there to witness the Push Heard Around the Upper East Side? (Best. Gossip. Girl. Moment. Ever.)
7 of 7 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 22, 2007 10:54 PM