Serena and Blair are hanging out in the halls, Blair emphatically insisting this isn't another bout of "Chuck fever" (and I'm sure any one of the STDs she's contracted from him will do the trick), and that she's merely trying to be a good friend. Serena rightfully thinks she's full of shit. Changing the subject, Blair asks S what's up with the GG rumors. Magically, Serena's phone must not be getting service for she's the only one in all of Manhattan who hasn't gotten the GG updates. Serena demands to know who's behind the Dan rumors, and Blair looks pointedly at Penelope & Co., lamenting that it's hard to get obedient minions these days.
Look who made it after all! And with a matching hat as a peace offering!
NOOOOOO it's Vanessa! I literally wailed that aloud the second her dumb ass appeared on my screen. She and Dan are in a candy store in presumably Brooklyn, shopping for gummy treats to give to Nate as a two-month anniversary present. Okay I know what's gotta be gummy after two months of sleeping with a male prostitute. As they consider the selection, Nelly Yuki shows up and immediately ducks behind a display to eavesdrop, convinced she's caught Dan with "the other woman" he's cheating on Serena with. After making Vanessa swear on all of her 80s/pseudo-hipster prized possessions that she won't tell anyone, he spills about the bastard. Vanessa -- rightfully for once -- freaks the fuck out and drops her vagina candy all over the floor, allowing Nelly to sneak up and swipe Dan's cell phone out of his discarded coat pocket in the process. As Nelly starts going through it, muttering about poor white trash and their 2007-model cell phones, Vanessa tells Dan that he needs to stop being a jackass or he's going to fuck things up with Serena way before she finds out about the bastard. Also true. Aggh, Vanessa, stop making me agree with you! Dan ponders this bizarre act-like-an-adult advice as three newcomers enter the candy store -- the trio of Blair and Serena idolizing tweens! Haha, I love these kids and it's fucking hysterical the way the two brunettes are wearing plaid to match Blair and the minions, while the blonde is clearly still favoring Serena by copying her more slutty sloppy bohemian look. The tweens shriekingly demand to know who Dan's boning while Vanessa preens after realizing they know who she is, thanks to Nate. Congratulations, you're the girl he's slumming it with. Frustrated, Dan leaves the store, not realizing Nelly still has his phone. Who the fuck takes off their jacket in a candy store and just throws it over a display, anyway? Moron deserves to be pick-pocketed.
Chuck arrives home and finds Jack waiting for him, ready to lay the trap for this brunch tomorrow. Jack apologizes for being a little bitch earlier, and tries to convince Chuck to blow off his dinner with Blair and go out with him tonight instead. Chuck resists because Blair's been such a good friend to him, and Jack scoffs at the suggestion that C and B are just friends, since Jack usually winds up with itchy manroot from friends like that. After discussing their personal drug of choice to combat those pesky gonorrhea infections (Chuck's a Suprax fan, ladies), Jack offers Chuck once last chance to come play as he answers the door to reveal three skanks. What Chuck decides is TBD.
Vanessa heads back to the gallery (where else), where she finds Serena waiting for her. I must say, Vanessa looks really pretty this episode. Probably because she's wearing a normalish coat that is covering up what I'm positive is another wretched Electric Company inspired outfit. Anyway, Serena tells Vanessa that she wants dirt on her screwball boyfriend, who already is acting retarded in the handful of days they've been back together. I don't know why S is so surprised by this. She'd have better luck avoiding a retarded boyfriend by trolling a short bus. Vanessa lies and tells Serena she doesn't know anything, looking guilty as hell. A dejected and unconvinced Serena leaves, and Vanessa pulls out her phone to text Dan to urge him to confess already. And by Dan, I mean Nelly. Ruh roh.
Not like I give a shit about Dan-Serena drama, but this further proves VANESSA RUINS EVERYTHING!!!
Meanwhile, Nelly has turned over the phone to Penelope and excitedly reporting her deviousness to get back in good with the other minions. As Penny reluctantly admires Nelly's work, Dan's phone receives the incoming text from Vanessa. And the secret it out.
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Comments (5)
So I'm speculating big time here but...IF Jack and Blair did the horizontal tango who's to say that Chuck or Blair couldn't use that in the "Morality clause" right back against Jack?
Sleeping with your nephews high school girlfriend/friend is pretty skeezy.
1 of 5 | Posted by SeaKing | Posted on January 16, 2009 5:37 AM
I only have one thing to say:
"VAGINA CANDY"
2 of 5 | Posted by alex_w | Posted on January 16, 2009 11:34 AM
Love the recap. I was as saddened as you were by Vanessa's return, but i was delighted that there was no actual NV in this episode, the only thing that is more annoying than Vanessa is her turning Nate into a self righteous ass as well.
This episode, wasnt very interesting aside from the chuck/blair/jack stuff TBH. I love DS but they were tainted by the lameness of RL.
I actually am 100 percent positive that JB didnt have sex, I think at most she kissed him, was flirtations or vulnerable around him and lost her composure. Jack is like chuck in that he turns everything into sexual innuendo, so what happened i think is being built up. Blair wouldnt be that comfortable around him otherwise.
Okay, about CB, I was disgusted with Chuck and honestly I cant even be mad about Jack, Chuck was the one that dug his own grave. Ppl say that Nate/Blair was dysfunctional but at this point Chuck/Blair has become downright emotionally abusive for blair, its quite sad. I was so glad she finally took a stand at the end, Chuck really effed up and some flowers werent gonna fix it. Im also sick of the logic that blair "smothered" him in this episode and that it was her fault that he screwed up, bullshit. Blair was like that bc just a week ago chuck was suicidal, her behavior has been a direct response to his imo.
Other than that, Blair, totally swiped that dress from S, although, I think it looked less trashy on her bc it was occasion appropriate and her knockers arent porno sized like Serena's, it was like evidence that chuck is a moron in that scene, lol
3 of 5 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on January 16, 2009 1:41 PM
Maybe I am the only one driven crazy by this but I hate how Dan/Jenny and Serena/Eric act like they're siblings now. They don't share any parents between the pairs, and they do not, as I believe Eric said, share DNA. I probably sound like I'm getting too serious about this but it just drives me insane. So yeah, it is kind of weird and creepy to be dating your half-sibling's other half-sibling but...it's not incest. Not saying I would be cool with it myself, but they really are not related.
Ok, I just had to get that out there.
4 of 5 | Posted by mmbmwc | Posted on January 16, 2009 5:57 PM
How old would this bio-son be? And are they writing KR's pregnancy into the show?
5 of 5 | Posted by DaffyMaiden | Posted on January 16, 2009 8:57 PM