Blair is now meeting with the headmistress and freaking out about being wait listed. However, the good news is that if the one Constance girl who was accepted declines, Blair's next in line. And besides, if her transcript remains unblemished straight As, that could get her in too. This effectively sets up two plot-points -- kill the Constance bitch who got in, and kill any teacher who tries to give her less than an A. Hmm. And a new teacher started in this episode. Quelle coincidence!
"If it weren't for this globe coffee mug, I'd have no idea where the fuck I am right now."
Speaking of the new teacher, Serena is currently telling Rachel that she got accepted, but isn't sure she wants to go there because she realizes she only got in because the administration wants to gang bang her. Blair runs up to scream about the Constance bitch who got into Yale (she assumes it's Nelly Yuki), barely paying any attention as Rachel hands her back an assignment and disappears. And so the suspense of the GPA story line ends in approximately 30 seconds.
"Honestly, I'm uncomfortable wearing this many clothes."
Serena squirms out of that situation rather quickly, only to be immediately confronted by the Dean's cat-loving secretary, who wants to issue a press release about Serena attending Yale. Whoa, slow down, Yale. No one likes a slut, whether it be a chick or a university. She squirms out of that one too and runs away. Life is difficult for our mumbly-mouthed blonde.
"I've made this face so many times this episode I think it's frozen this way."
Lily has arranged a meeting with the Board, and we find out the only way to get rid of Jack is for him to be deemed completely negligent or not Chuck's guardian. I don't think the former will be difficult, and can't Lily do something about the latter as his stepmother? Or have Chuck declare emancipation? I'm probably giving Lily way too much credit. I'm surprised she found the office without a tour guide. Jack shows up and crashes the meeting, all coked up and hitting on Lils, who isn't quite ready to bang Jack to make things up to Chuck.
"If those aren't your panties, I'm not interested."
Back at school, Blair is harassing Rachel for daring to give her a B. Blair explains that all second-semester seniors get a free pass, but Rachel doesn't give a shit and stands by her grade. Blair freaks out some more and runs to Serena (who's still standing around catching flies with her open mouth), explaining she didn't apply anywhere else. And that makes you a dumbass, B. Serena excuses herself to go dump the Dean.
"I'm going to go all Children of the Corn on your Iowa ass."
Lily and Bart are meeting again, and we hear that Chuck's other anti-Jack schemes included buying anthrax on Jack's credit card and registering him as a sex offender. I'm surprised Jack wasn't already on that list. Lily makes another attempt to be a cozy family again, then idiotically answers a call from Rufus, making it clear to Chuck that she's talking to Rufus and is happily banging him. Unsurprisingly, he's less than pleased and lashes out while Lily either feigns confusion or yet again sinks to a new level of stupidity.
"This is as surprised as my Botox will allow my expression to get."
Dan finds Serena at school, all excited to talk about Yale, but she blows him off to intercept Blair and the minions' plotting to destroy Rachel. In order to prevent that, Serena reveals that she's the Constance girl who got into Yale, and she turned them down so Blair will now get in. After ordering Hazel to cancel the Nelly Yuki project (haha, God knows what that was going to be), Blair is thrilled with the news. Dan, on the other hand, is pissed that Serena just threw away their chance to go to college together. Because everything's always about Dan. Fuck off, Humphrey.
"Don't get mad. Everyone knew I was going to dump you by the end of orientation anyway."
Ewwwww Nate and Vanessa! She announces she bought them shitty tickets to the opera because she feels bad about him always spending so much money on her. Then why else would you date him, V? Don't tell me it's for the scintillating conversation. Must be the free weed. He acts excited, and hides the much better tickets he'd already scored.
"No, no no. Don't talk. Just stand there and look pretty, honey."
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Comments (7)
Hey, great recap! I look forward to these and was wondering why it was so late, but good job! :D
Personally, I like the earlier formats, but this was still good. I especially loved the screen cap of Nate and Dan:
"I'm only dating Vanessa to get closer to you, big boy."
"Aww, shucks..."
That was classic!
Keep it up :D
1 of 7 | Posted by KrispyDixie | Posted on February 1, 2009 10:34 PM
"I still don't see why we can't listen to my music instead. I have this great little tune called 'Run Away.' Perhaps you've heard it one of the 4,145 times I've sang it?"
I just laughed out loud by myself in my dorm room. Embarrassing, but completely awesome.
2 of 7 | Posted by heygirl | Posted on February 1, 2009 11:58 PM
I was thinking the same thing, too, about her pregnancy. Usually shows make some sort of effort to hide it past dark colors, but not Gossip Girl.
Also, I am glad Jack is gone. I can only accept one smarmy Bass, and that spot is reserved for Chuck. That being said, I hope he is back to being Chuck sooner rather than later.
And Nate and Vanessa can break up anytime. Or Vanessa can just die or leave or something. I prefer both Nate and Jenny without Vanessa around.
3 of 7 | Posted by kelsey | Posted on February 2, 2009 3:37 AM
I didn't notice the difference between formats so either one is cool with me.
The screencaps were hilarious!
Maybe the writers are hooking Lily and Rufus up so fast to knock Lily up, which would include Kelly's bump into the show. Now THAT would be a good storyline-> linking Dan and Serena with a present sibling instead of just a past one that no one knows.
I like Blair's minions more than Jenny. Nate & Vanessa are plot devices at this point, but we still need them to move the plots along. Plus, without Nate and Vanessa, Dan and Chuck would have only each other as friends. :)
4 of 7 | Posted by BlahBlah | Posted on February 2, 2009 4:10 PM
i always read your recaps but this one was hilarious. i hate vanessa (she is like teresa from the OC but she wont leave/die) and i just watched the new episode which was way more of a crazy episode then this one, i can not wait until you recap it! i am way too old to be watching this show but its hilarious and its fun. whenever i scream at the tv i know its been a good show right? thanks again and i appreciate your amazing humor for such a ridiculous show that i have not missed a single week of!
5 of 7 | Posted by mynameisjenn | Posted on February 2, 2009 7:51 PM
This is probably too much info to put out there in cyber-space, but the photo on the 3rd page with the caption:
"Are you as bored by this plot line as I am?" Abso-fucking-lutely."
I couldn't help just stare at it, thinking - good lord that is an amazing rack!! UGH - I feel dirty :(
Anyway - I have a question:
So, Jack has been sent away, after attempting to rape Lilly, correct? So WTF happened to the storyline about him and Blair hooking up? Remember, "he can't know what happened on New Years" Are the writers telling us that Blair has a strange fetish for potential-rapists? I know that's a little harsh, but I'm kinda confused here.
Oh well - excellent recap, regardless!! Till next time...
6 of 7 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on February 3, 2009 7:56 AM
I have a feeling Jack will be back and so will the parents of that fake dead adopted child. I'm still hoping Bart faked his death so maybe that will bring Jack back to NYC somehow?
Loved the recap, although if I hadn't watched last night's episode before reading I would have had to disagree with the "remember when people cared about my storylines" Chuck screencap. But WHAT WAS that Eyes Wide Shut (as Chuck himself said) BS about last night?!
7 of 7 | Posted by msu11y28 | Posted on February 3, 2009 9:41 AM