In the ghetto, Eric is giving Rufus a crash course on opera and getting reeeeeally into it. If he hadn't already come out, this scene would do the trick.
"I still don't see why we can't listen to my music instead. I have this great little tune called 'Run Away.' Perhaps you've heard it one of the 4,145 times I've sang it?"
Blair, Iz and Penelope are in Blair's room, deciding that they're going to fuck with Rachel even though Blair's in Yale. I'd be disappointed with any less. Blair calls Rachel and convinces Rachel to come with her family to the opera that night, and to meet Blair ahead of time at the boat house in Central Park. What a fucking idiot. I'm also disappointed with Blair's scheme. Meeting at the boat house? What is this, an episode of Saved by the Bell?
"Can we just forget about this and make out alrea--- Oh, so this is why you guys don't let me ever talk. Got it."
At the opera, Serena and Dan are nauseated by Rufus and Lily's honeymoon stage. Or perhaps they're both just horrified by Serena's crystal-encrusted mustard dress. Chuck shows up wrapped in a kilt, and gives a dirty look to Lily before walking off. Also arriving are Nate and Vanessa, whom Dan immediately runs away from the awkwardness with Serena to join. He proceeds to reveal Nate had better tickets to the opera than Vanessa got, and the drama nearly makes me comatose.
"God, even I think I'm awful."
Lily and Rufus then run into Jack, and they all insult each other for a while. Lily and Rufus then run into the Bass family lawyer, who asks Lily about some mysterious paperwork. Suddenly inspired, she runs over to Chuck and announces she has the solution to the Jack problem, if only he'll meet with her in 15 minutes to discuss.
"I'm all together too unattractive to be on this show, aren't I?"
Nate and Vanessa take their nosebleed seats, where he passive-aggressively comments on how nice the seats from his parents' box would be and she pouts. Just then, an old goat takes the seat next to Vanessa, flashes her a gap-toothed smile, and begins choking on her own bile. Nate and Vanessa try to hold it together and completely fail, laughing their asses off as the snorting and wheezing continues. I love how Chace Crawford is laughing even before the phlegm factory begins. Somebody get this boy an Emmy.
"That candy is covered in cat fur and presumably sputum, yet it still looks pretty damn good. Knew I shouldn't have smoked up before the opera."
Dan goes and finds Serena, and claims he's not pissed that she doesn't want to go to the same college, but is pissed that she didn't tell him. She explains she just figured it out today, but he's firmly on his high horse and not getting off any time soon. In fact, he scolds her for making choices that affect both their lives without her telling him. AGGGH. I swear, Humphrey makes me physically violent. They then rehash the same Lily-Rufus conversation for the 80th time and yet again decide to stay together and tough it out.
"Are you as bored by this plot line as I am?"
"Abso-fucking-lutely."
Wearing a gorgeous peach-colored dress, Blair receives a phone call from the headmistress just as the opera is starting -- turns out Rachel spoke to the headmistress and agreed to give Blair an A after all if the rest of Blair's work in her class is up to that standard. Selling out for an opera ticket, are we Iowa? Blair feels bad, and excuses herself to save Rachel from whatever dastardly plot they've cooked up.
"Minions, abandon positions. This is not a drill. Rendezvous at Pinkberry at 22:00 hours."
With the family lawyer in tow, Lily approaches Chuck and announces she and Bart had made plans for her to adopt him and Bart to adopt Eric and Serena before Bart died. Luckily, Bart had already signed the paperwork, so if Chuck and Lily sign it, it's a done deal -- and makes Lily Chuck's legal guardian. Nice! I was hoping she'd have enough brain cells to figure something like this out. Chuck's all for it, after clarifying this doesn't make him and Lily family -- just even. Jack approaches, and Chuck sneers that it's game, set, match, Uncle Jack.
"My new mommy's in charge now, asshole."
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Comments (7)
Hey, great recap! I look forward to these and was wondering why it was so late, but good job! :D
Personally, I like the earlier formats, but this was still good. I especially loved the screen cap of Nate and Dan:
"I'm only dating Vanessa to get closer to you, big boy."
"Aww, shucks..."
That was classic!
Keep it up :D
1 of 7 | Posted by KrispyDixie | Posted on February 1, 2009 10:34 PM
"I still don't see why we can't listen to my music instead. I have this great little tune called 'Run Away.' Perhaps you've heard it one of the 4,145 times I've sang it?"
I just laughed out loud by myself in my dorm room. Embarrassing, but completely awesome.
2 of 7 | Posted by heygirl | Posted on February 1, 2009 11:58 PM
I was thinking the same thing, too, about her pregnancy. Usually shows make some sort of effort to hide it past dark colors, but not Gossip Girl.
Also, I am glad Jack is gone. I can only accept one smarmy Bass, and that spot is reserved for Chuck. That being said, I hope he is back to being Chuck sooner rather than later.
And Nate and Vanessa can break up anytime. Or Vanessa can just die or leave or something. I prefer both Nate and Jenny without Vanessa around.
3 of 7 | Posted by kelsey | Posted on February 2, 2009 3:37 AM
I didn't notice the difference between formats so either one is cool with me.
The screencaps were hilarious!
Maybe the writers are hooking Lily and Rufus up so fast to knock Lily up, which would include Kelly's bump into the show. Now THAT would be a good storyline-> linking Dan and Serena with a present sibling instead of just a past one that no one knows.
I like Blair's minions more than Jenny. Nate & Vanessa are plot devices at this point, but we still need them to move the plots along. Plus, without Nate and Vanessa, Dan and Chuck would have only each other as friends. :)
4 of 7 | Posted by BlahBlah | Posted on February 2, 2009 4:10 PM
i always read your recaps but this one was hilarious. i hate vanessa (she is like teresa from the OC but she wont leave/die) and i just watched the new episode which was way more of a crazy episode then this one, i can not wait until you recap it! i am way too old to be watching this show but its hilarious and its fun. whenever i scream at the tv i know its been a good show right? thanks again and i appreciate your amazing humor for such a ridiculous show that i have not missed a single week of!
5 of 7 | Posted by mynameisjenn | Posted on February 2, 2009 7:51 PM
This is probably too much info to put out there in cyber-space, but the photo on the 3rd page with the caption:
"Are you as bored by this plot line as I am?" Abso-fucking-lutely."
I couldn't help just stare at it, thinking - good lord that is an amazing rack!! UGH - I feel dirty :(
Anyway - I have a question:
So, Jack has been sent away, after attempting to rape Lilly, correct? So WTF happened to the storyline about him and Blair hooking up? Remember, "he can't know what happened on New Years" Are the writers telling us that Blair has a strange fetish for potential-rapists? I know that's a little harsh, but I'm kinda confused here.
Oh well - excellent recap, regardless!! Till next time...
6 of 7 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on February 3, 2009 7:56 AM
I have a feeling Jack will be back and so will the parents of that fake dead adopted child. I'm still hoping Bart faked his death so maybe that will bring Jack back to NYC somehow?
Loved the recap, although if I hadn't watched last night's episode before reading I would have had to disagree with the "remember when people cared about my storylines" Chuck screencap. But WHAT WAS that Eyes Wide Shut (as Chuck himself said) BS about last night?!
7 of 7 | Posted by msu11y28 | Posted on February 3, 2009 9:41 AM